Tahrea's mad ravings

The greatest ministry tool ever!

2012-01-28T18:09:00.000-08:00

Are you having trouble winning souls?

Is your tabernacle a bit empty?

And don't you just hate those vacant spots in the pews?

Are the old ministry gimmicks just not cutting it?

DON'T FEAR!

I HAVE A SOLUTION!

HATE!

Yes, HATE!

Hate is a tried and true method, fail-proof and solid.

Got an ornery Buddhist worshiping an Elephant?
Throw a rock in his face!

Boys holding hands with other boys?
OFF with their heads!

Non-denominational?
Pick a side, brother!

Hate your enemy! Be mean to those who mistreat you!

Kill the sinner, hate the sin!

You'll be winning sheep to your flock in no time!

HATEHATEHATE!

What would Jesus do?

Don't be a Nancy boy! Hate them all!

Other people claim that goodness and love win others over. I say SHUT UP!

Hate!

Act now, and you can throw in IGNORANCE and CLOSE-MINDEDNESS!

My relationship with Harry Potter OR It's all over

2011-07-15T00:26:00.000-07:00

*Before you pass judgement or decide to call me out on my sin of liking J.K. Rowling's works, hear me out. I love the books and the movies. If you are just going to condemn me or nitpick, don't bother. I don't care.*

In 1997 the first Harry Potter Book came out. I was in middle school. I remember the first time I heard of HP. I was in 7th grade and our Math teacher was trying to find something to fill time for the class (I think we had all finished a test early or something), and a classmate pulled out his copy of Sorcerer's Stone for her to read. After the first few moments of the book had been read, I wanted to continue the story. The problem was I lived in a household that did not approve of such literature. Books about witchcraft weren't the sort of thing a christian family allowed into their household. SO, I read the book at school, in the library.

Later on in the year (It may have even been my 8th grade year), I finally broke down and started talking with mom on the subject of Harry Potter and his life. Mom agreed to allowing me to read the stories only if she read them with me. That winter started something major in the Maynard household- we became hooked. We took to taking turns reading chapters to each other, Junia included. We even got the books on tape so we could listen to them throughout the day. We went to each release party the local Wal-mart had when each of the books came out. We watched all of the movies, and then later owned them. All of this continued for years until the final book came out. I remember reading the last chapter of the seventh book, closing the back cover late at night, and bawling that it was over. After that, I decided to keep my chin up since I still had the final movies to watch.

...

And then there was yesterday. I woke up almost 24 hours ago and got ready for work, knowing I was about to finish something that started over 10 years ago. When we sat down in the theatre and began to watch the movie, I almost couldn't breathe. Things I read a few years ago came flooding back. The story line, the characters, the twists and surprises, everything. Then.... credits. It was over. A piece of my childhood, something that has stretched across my life, was completely. Over. When we walked out of the theatre and to the car, I bawled again. These stories. Sure, they were fiction, but I connected with them and the characters. I cried and laughed for them. I stayed up til the wee hours because I couldn't stop turning the pages. These stories were a huge part of my life. And now they are complete. And I am so sad. And exhausted from lack of sleep and crying. lol, I felt like a dork for crying, but I'll stand by it. This was a wonderful part of my younger life and I will always be grateful to J.K. Rowling for giving me and rest of the world such a wonderful gift.

Vegetarian: One Year Strong OR Who wants a flower on their head?!

2011-06-30T06:21:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I reached a major goal- I had officially survived a year of being a vegetarian. Wow. To some this may not seem like a big deal, but I'm not "some." I knew I could do it and I wanted to do it, so I'm surprised. I'm excited now. During the past year I learned different ways of cooking, healthier eating habits, and replacements for various dishes that originally call for meat. Utilizing advice from vegetarian and vegan friends and the infinite wisdom of the internet, I discovered new restaurants and menu options.
I'll admit that it wasn't always easy and not everyone was supportive of my decision. Dinner with family proved to be a challenge from time to time. I can see why people dislike vegetarians; cooking a regular dinner can be hard enough, but if a vegetarian is coming to the table you have to be sure you have something they can eat too. Not everyone in my family has been so accommodating. Or they've complained, which is always a morale boost. However, I didn't let things get me down, and I kept at it. I lost a significant amount of weight and I physically felt better. I made a decision that was improving me and my life, and for that reason I'll stick with it for the rest of my life. :o)

Ok, so if you follow me on twitter or are friends with me on facebook there is not way to could avoid seeing at least one post of these flower hair accessories that I've been creating. And you are probably asking, "Why?" Honestly? When I went to Comfest on Friday there were booths and booths and booths selling nick-knacks and hair pieces of all kinds. I looked at D.J. and said, "I could do that." I mean, folks were making a serious mint off of these things. So I set out Saturday and went to a few different stores and gathered up some crafting supplies and went to work. Thus far I've made 20+ flower arrangements, attaching them to barrettes, clips, and headbands. Yesterday I posted a few of them on Ebay in hopes that I might sell them online. I am now going to start looking into craft shows and find one that is near with a cheap booth rental and see if I can't sell some there. I've set the price at $3.50. I figured that was fair considering some of the folks at Comfest were selling theirs for $5-$8. SO, we'll see what comes of this venture.... :o)

It's Not Enough to Say I Love You

2011-04-19T20:14:00.001-07:00

As he held her close she knew that he loved her.
As he stroked her hair,
he knew he couldn't keep her much longer.
Suddenly it seemed, too quickly gone...
And suddenly, as the moon light shone,
she felt him sigh as she pulled away
and she knew he didn't know what to say...
"You'll never truly know how I feel
when others ask me if it's real,
if this feeling is fleeting or true.
It's not enough just to say I love you.
Though the moon may not shine,
though we've limited time...
No matter how our life goes,
I'll never stop until the whole world knows...
They'll always ask me if it's fleeting or true
because it's not enough to say I love you."
With a kiss on her cheek and a smile on his face,
he sighed again as she pulled into his embrace...
"It doesn't matter that we can't stop time.
It doesn't matter if sun or moon don't shine.
I really don't care if the world tries to bring me down...
You keep me soaring though I'm standing on solid ground.
No matter what we may go through...
You're right...
It's not enough to say I love you."

JC’s Garage Intro Video Script: First Draft

2011-03-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

JC’s Garage Intro Video

VOICEOVER:

Are you tired of feeling sluggish?

(ZOMBIE-ESQUE YOUTH nods and yawns)

Unsure of your life’s path?

(YOUTH scratches head while reading a “map” of different life directions)

Do you feel a nagging emptiness right about where your soul should be?

(YOUTH pats torso, while another YOUTH looks around.)

YOUTH # 1:

I feel empty.

YOUTH # 2 (Frantic):
I think I lost my soul!

VOICEOVER:

Got a case of the Lamentations?

(YOUTH(s) stand(s) crying like a baby)

VOICEOVER:

Then you need to come on down to the new JC’S GARAGE! JC’s Garage specializes in Soul Restoration, Repair, and Renewal, all catered to your specific needs.

Don’t let the world weigh you down! “Isaiah 40:31” it and soon you’ll be soaring like an eagle *WARNING: RESULTS MAY VERY. TYPICAL REPAIRS RESULT IN A GOOD, CLEAN, LIGHT FEELING. SUBJECTS WILL NOT SPROUT WINGS.*

Turn that frown upside down with Psalm 118:24!

YOUTH to “Lamentations” YOUTH:

This is the day which the LORD has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it!

“Lamentations” YOUTH (abruptly stops crying):

Ok!

(YOUTHS start dancing)

VOICEOVER:

JC’s Garage! Visit our website at www.jcsgarage.com, or just come on in Sundays 6 pm-8pm. With every visit you’ll receive New Friends

(picture of “friends),

Free Snacks

(Picture of “snacks”),

Awesome Music

(picture of worship team?),

and a word from GOD!

(Picture of God)

JC’S GARAGE!

JC's Garage: Soul Restoration and Repair Services

2011-03-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

Matthew 11:28-30 (New International Version, ©2011)

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Romans 5:10
(NLT) For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son.

(GWT) If the death of his Son restored our relationship with God while we were still his enemies, we are even more certain that, because of this restored relationship, the life of his Son will save us.

As the more dramatic (lol) youth leader at church I was asked to start working on scripts for so video scripts for the kids to do for some promo stuff and just for fun. :o) I was really excited to start... and then I actually started. I sat down and thought and read and thought some more. Gah! It's painful sometimes, thinking. I mean, talking with other leaders and looking at the website, I kept hearing the words "soul restoration." So I googled scriptures on restoration or being restored. Funny thing, I kept find Psalm 23. "He restoreth my soul."

Then I read Jeremiah 30:

¹² “This is what the LORD says:

   “‘Your wound is incurable,
   your injury beyond healing.
¹³ There is no one to plead your cause,
   no remedy for your sore,
   no healing for you.
¹⁴ All your allies have forgotten you;
   they care nothing for you.
I have struck you as an enemy would
   and punished you as would the cruel,
because your guilt is so great
   and your sins so many.
¹⁵ Why do you cry out over your wound,
   your pain that has no cure?
Because of your great guilt and many sins
   I have done these things to you.

¹⁶ “‘But all who devour you will be devoured;
   all your enemies will go into exile.
Those who plunder you will be plundered;
   all who make spoil of you I will despoil.
¹⁷ But I will restore you to health
   and heal your wounds,’
            declares the LORD,
‘because you are called an outcast,
   Zion for whom no one cares.’

BOOM! And then I read Jeremiah 21:1-14. This is what happens when God makes good on his promise(s):

Jeremiah 31

¹ “At that time,” declares the LORD, “I will be the God of all the families of Israel, and they will be my people.”

² This is what the LORD says:

   “The people who survive the sword
   will find favor in the wilderness;
   I will come to give rest to Israel.”

³ The LORD appeared to us in the past,^[a] saying:

   “I have loved you with an everlasting love;
   I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.
⁴ I will build you up again,
   and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt.
Again you will take up your timbrels
   and go out to dance with the joyful.
⁵ Again you will plant vineyards
   on the hills of Samaria;
the farmers will plant them
   and enjoy their fruit.
⁶ There will be a day when watchmen cry out
   on the hills of Ephraim,
‘Come, let us go up to Zion,
   to the LORD our God.’”

⁷ This is what the LORD says:

   “Sing with joy for Jacob;
   shout for the foremost of the nations.
Make your praises heard, and say,
   ‘LORD, save your people,
   the remnant of Israel.’
⁸ See, I will bring them from the land of the north
   and gather them from the ends of the earth.
Among them will be the blind and the lame,
   expectant mothers and women in labor;
   a great throng will return.
⁹ They will come with weeping;
   they will pray as I bring them back.
I will lead them beside streams of water
   on a level path where they will not stumble,
because I am Israel’s father,
   and Ephraim is my firstborn son.

¹⁰ “Hear the word of the LORD, you nations;
   proclaim it in distant coastlands:
‘He who scattered Israel will gather them
   and will watch over his flock like a shepherd.’
¹¹ For the LORD will deliver Jacob
   and redeem them from the hand of those stronger than they.
¹² They will come and shout for joy on the heights of Zion;
   they will rejoice in the bounty of the LORD—
the grain, the new wine and the olive oil,
   the young of the flocks and herds.
They will be like a well-watered garden,
   and they will sorrow no more.
¹³ Then young women will dance and be glad,
   young men and old as well.
I will turn their mourning into gladness;
   I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.
¹⁴ I will satisfy the priests with abundance,
   and my people will be filled with my bounty,”
            declares the LORD.

So now I have a good idea for a script. Actually I have a good couple of ideas. :o) The greatest thing is I'm studying this stuff in a time where I am down a bit. It is reassuring to know that whatever negativity is sent my way, whether allowed by God or otherwise, I am promised that it is temporary as long as I am faithful. Woot!
Okie, now I have to actually write the script(s), lol.

SEX is not a dirty word

2011-03-08T17:32:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday, youth pastor John announced to the church that our youth service would cover the topic of sex. I could tell that there were mixed feelings floating in the sanctuary, which made me laugh a bit. I mean, it is 2011 and people still find certain topics in the church taboo. While it is fine to carry certain social modesties, one must realize that as our world grows around us, our young people are also growing. They are growing in a world of discord and, sadly, gratuitous amounts of debauchery. (It sometimes terrifies me to think about one day raising a child or children in a world such as ours.) Maybe it is because children and young adults are always a priority in my life, but I am always thinking of them and their needs within the world that I can influence. In this case, my main concern at church is the younger generations. Granted, I'm not much older than a lot of the youth but I have been set as a leader in their youth group and their church. Though I'm not usually a serious person, I do take this responsibility seriously. So, when John made his announcement, I was pumped. And as I sat through John's teaching that evening I was pumped. The kids were receptive. They listened and acknowledged his words. Afterwards, I talked with John and the other leaders, discussing the next step in this lesson. See, Sunday's message was an intro lesson of sorts- it opened the door for further lessons and discussions for the youth during the oncoming months. And that is exciting to me. As John told the congregation and the youth, these kids are surrounded by their culture, their society, that screams so many things that contradict what the Bible teaches so that, when the kids try to figure out what is right or wrong, the voice of truth is drowned out. We as humans are influenced by what we experience whether we know it or not, and teenagers are so much more susceptible to that influence. We all have questions; most teenagers question everything, as is their nature. So when they start feeling these emotions and urges, they try to process and figure out what is up. Some Christian teens, like I was, know what the Bible says and they know what their society says. They know right from wrong. They also know God gave them the free will to decide for themselves. What a horrifying thought: Teenagers possessing free will. However, there are some who choose to wait for sex. They decide to wait for whatever reason but they wait. And they are in the shrinking minority. They are giving way to a rising number of young people who are giving into society's norms, peer pressure, or their own personal hormones, sacrificing their own beliefs, for moments of physical satisfaction. I hate to admit it but I was one of those people. I held out until I was 20 and then gave myself to someone because I thought I was going to marry him. I thought he was the one. I thought wrong. I wish I could say that was it, that I learned my lesson and reformed myself within the wisdom that God has always made readily available to anyone who wants it. But I did not. I, instead, gave in to a few more relationships and situations. One of the worst parts about it was the fact that my mother, a person who will always have my back and love me, would question my purity and I lied to her. I would bold-face lie to my mother, affirming my "virginity." Why? Because I didn't want to admit that she had always been right when telling me of the shame that comes from throwing away your most precious gift, the part of you you're supposed to save for your spouse. I also didn't want to disappoint her. How stupid.
Since that time, I've made mistakes, I've asked for forgiveness (both from God and mom) and I've moved on. Does that make me perfect? No way. I still feel urges and desires, but that's okay. It's natural. Goodness, there are tons of animals who will puff themselves out and dance/fight/display themselves to the opposite sex in attempts to mate with that individual. The breaking point would be if I acted on those emotions and hormones outside of marriage. Therein lies the sin. So many churches anger me when they tell their youth "DON'T DO IT!DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT!" and condemn them for feeling aroused or attracted, and that's not right. No wonder we have so many confused kids. As I discussed with the other leaders Sunday, our youth need to know that they are normal and are allowed to feel and think but should not give in. Being tempted is not a sin; giving into the temptation that leads you from God's will is a sin. They also need to know that IF they give in, there is redemption and forgiveness for those who are truly repentant. What a concept, right? There are so many churches that condemn, damn, and judge their members into being afraid of their own bodies. It's not right.
Another idea I had for the youth was to separate the boys from the girls and talk with them in individual groups. I have found young people are willing to be more interactive and receptive when they aren't around their parents. Likewise, the girls and boys may feel less awkward if they are away from the opposite sex. I am excited to see where this conversation leads when we pick up where John left off. He asked me if I would be interested in talking with the kids one Sunday, offering my testimony or a message. For this, I'm going to pray and see what is presented. For now, I am thinking and keeping my relationship where it needs to be. I am so grateful God presented me with a man who is truly in touch with His word. I am so happy to be with someone who's goal is not getting into my pants. "Iron sharpens Iron" holds so true in our relationship as he challenges me to be a better person, a better Christian. And that is tough. But I pray and I know I can get through anything.

Happy Pancake Day!

2011-03-01T09:59:00.000-08:00

Apple-Banana Pancakes!

1 1/4 c of Heart Healthy Bisquick
1 Banana, mashed
1 Egg (White only)
2/3 c of Vanilla Silk Soymilk
Oil

6 teaspoons of Light Maple Syrup
1 Apple, cored and chopped/diced (Depending on how big you want the pieces)

Combine the Apple and Syrup. Set aside.

Pour Bisquick in a mixing bowl and mash in Banana. Stir in Egg White and then pour in Vanilla Silk. Stir mixture until it is a thick batter. Heat oil in skillet. Pour a small amount of batter into the center of the skillet and allow to heat until bubbles start erupting on the surface of the pancake. Flip and allow to sit for 1-2 minutes.

After pancakes are done, top with Apple-Maple topping and enjoy!

*I also spread some light margarine on my pancakes to add a buttery taste. Sooooo good!

Some older poems.

2011-02-21T20:15:00.000-08:00

Since I am not able to write a new poem, I figured I'd post some older ones. These two are my favorite dark ones....

Slip into something more comfortable
slip into my skin and then you will see all the bad things I've been

Well this is my world (It's sad and it's true)

Everyone is welcome, there is room for you too

There is not much to eat but there is plenty to see

If you are looking for pain, well just follow me

If you are looking for hate look in your own soul and you will see yourself losing control

If you are looking for fear, well, there is plenty, my dear

In my own world, you'll live in your nightmares

If you are feeling confused, just call it abuse

My world chewed you up and is taking its dues

And if you are looking for that one thing that we call "love"

well, we decided to it's best just to leave it above

It will hamper the operations and riff raff of my world

It will rip us apart and leave us unfurled...

We are better off anyways

without that painful way of pushing through every day

with the hope of love to save you from another day of pain

....so much pain...

Some come on!

Let's forget that awful malfunction of the human mind

Let's make connections of our own kind

Through your hate and your pain

confusion and sin

In my world the bad guys always win!

(Yet....

in the end...

My one true friend is neither my hate or my fear

nor my sin...

It is sadness mixed with guilt and regret

There is one pain you will pray you never get...

sometimes...

I wish for love though it belongs to the world up above

It has no place here my dark world

Yet...

My heart is empty...

I feel so alone as I sit so piously on my golden throne

There is not hope for me

This much I've known...)

So come on!
Let's forget that awful malfunction of the human mind

Let's make connections of our own kind

Through your hat and your pain

confusion and sin

In my own world the bad guys always win!

______________________________________
Hanging from this noose
I fashioned keeping my sanity
on the shelf
Pushing myself to the end
This rope becomes my friend
Cradles me and hold me close
as I become another ghost
Swings me gently as I snap
Watches me slipping into the trap
Sees me writhe in the silky web
Watches my memories....
.....away they ebb
The night begins to overcome the day
As I begin to fade away
______________________________________________

I stopped to see your face, hoping you'd be crying
I saw you smile and I started to die..........

Unfinished poems, FINISHED!

2011-02-16T20:18:00.000-08:00

A certain darling man wrote me and said he had edited and added to my unfinished poems I recently posted.....

If I ever had the right answers to your awkwardly placed questions,

I pray I can tell you all though you'll just forget them.

If I can't sing the right notes, or words get caught in my throat
I hope you see the thoughts in my eyes.

If I manage to make you smile wide,
I hope you'll let it linger long enough to capture it in my mind.

If I ever seem to stare too long, or my grip is far too strong,
I pray you know I'm barely hanging on.

If I reach out and I am only able to touch your hand,
I hope you know you touch my heart.

If I can only show you one thing,
I pray you can you can see what I see.

A rare and priceless treasure is what you are.

__________________________________________

Burning, smolder, rubble and ash.
Walking slow and picking up the pieces.
-alone
Trying to remember, trying to forget.
Wishing I had a drink to wash it all away.
-hurting
Words you said come back to me through the rustle of the wind.
Confusion suddenly trickles away, stinging on my skin.
-sobbing
You seem to drift away, coming back to lead me on.
Only when I'm falling once again do I realize you're gone.
-longing
You're only good for one thing, and babe it isn't me.
I can't seem to move on even though you say I'm free.
-chained
shackled to a past that I never should have had
walking a path that i chose for me
-downcast
i raise my eyes, looking for a reason to continue
scanning the horizons for just a glimpse of you
-lost
i can only sit on the side of the path and cry out
my only choice is to wait for the end to come

Tahrea talks about communication......

2011-02-09T20:50:00.000-08:00

I found myself musing a very common subject tonight, a subject near and dear to just about everyone. And I think that I was pondering said subject because it relates with Company and Hallmark created our upcoming holiday which feeds on it. Yes, I am talking about... Relationships. More specifically, communication in relationships. People existing, interacting, and connecting with other people. It is an amazing concept for some. I mean, think about your latest relationship, how it was formed, how you feel about that person, etc. Are they your friend? Significant other? Puppet? Fling? Worst enemy? How do you communicate with them? DO you communicate with them? See, as I've gotten older I have found that communication is key to a successful relationship, no matter how you are relating to the other person. And, MAN, have I seen some great relationships fail because of miscommunication. It's not just cheating or lying; it's being passive-aggressive or evasive. It's also avoiding certain subjects for various reasons. I would love to see a relationship where both people were direct and they knew where the other stood. Imagine the answers to questions like, "Does my hair look alright?" "What do you want for dinner?" "Does this dress make me look fat?" "What do you think?" I feel that everyone time someone responds to one of those questions (and more) with the response that they think the other wants to hear and it is NOT the response that originally popped in their head, there has to be a little bitterness. You did not tell that person what you thought. You did not give your own answer. You pulled a tried-and-true response out of your hat and handed them this line they have programmed you to use. Honestly, if I ask someone about my appearance, and they give a less-than-satisfied response, I thank them and I change. Yeah, it sucks that the outfit I picked out didn't go over the way I had hoped. HOWEVER, that other person just gave me an honest answer and it was THEIR answer. I can trust this person to answer more serious questions later if need be.
Folks need to just lay it all out for all involved in the relationship. Obviously when we hear the word "relationship" we think about a couple, so I'll use the archetype of the male/female dating relationship. I have come to think that these two people need to flat out tell the other person what they expect from the relationship and what they expect from their partner. I'm serious. I personally am sick of wondering what the other person thinks about me, where they see the relationship going, etc. If both of you aren't working towards the same goals, you aren't going to end on happy ground. Just lay it out. "I want to date." "I want to get married." "I want to be friends." "I want to get laid." "I am using you to get to your sister." "I like you but I don't want to commit to one person." "I don't know what I want from this relationship." Communication, man. And DO NOT use sex as a form of communication. Don't use it at all. Sleeping around or moving from sexual partner to sexual partner is not a good thing. There is nothing good about it. Sure it seems "fun" for a while, but you can't honestly keep telling yourself this is what you want. If there is seriously someone out there who has NO problem sleeping around with as many people possible for the rest of their life, I feel sorry for them. I truly do. There is no true fulfillment in an empty life like that.

Ok, I'm going to hop off of my soapbox now, partly due to the fact that my eyes are crossing from exhaustion. I'm just saying... Talk. Don't hold back because of fear or anger or pity. If you love or, in any case, respect that other person, you need to communicate. As humans I feel that is the most minute respect we can give each other.

GAH! Another one......

2011-02-07T20:54:00.000-08:00

Through the tears and the madness we seem to find ourselves, but lose each other.
We reach out and receive an empty handshake.
We pursue relationships that end in misery.
You smoke a cloud to lift you away.
I drink to wash you from my mind.
We smile for some reason, no longer able to remember joy.
Others say we'll work it out.
I tell and joke and you look away.
I can't see your face and you forget my voice.
We've forged our pain and stained our hearts.
Together we are apart.

Poems for which I can't find an ending....

2011-02-07T20:44:00.000-08:00

Sometimes this happens: I start writing a poem, thinking I'm on to something and then.... nothing. My inspiration vanishes. Argh.

If I ever had the right answers to your awkwardly placed questions,
I pray I can tell you all though you'll just forget them.

If I can't sing the right notes, or words get caught in my throat

I hope you see the thoughts in my eyes.

If I manage to make you smile wide,

I hope you'll let it linger long enough to capture it in my mind.

If I ever seem to stare too long, or my grip is far too strong,
I pray you know I'm barely hanging on.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Burning, smolder, rubble and ash.

Walking slow and picking up the pieces.

Trying to remember, trying to forget.

Wishing I had a drink to wash it all away.

Words you said come back to me through the rustle of the wind.

Confusion suddenly trickles away, stinging on my skin.

You seem to drift away, coming back to lead me on.

Only when I'm falling once again do I realize you're gone.

You're only good for one thing, and babe it isn't me.

I can't seem to move on even though you say I'm free.

Strange words from a strange dream

2011-01-14T18:45:00.000-08:00

I had a strange dream last night and I only remembered a bit. Parts were as if I was reading it as a story and part of it was like I was in it. This part below was something I had read. I have no idea where it was going...

Something about this man touched Brian. "What will you do when you've reached the twilight of your life? Surely you'll rest after such a long and successful life."
"When I have become an empty shell and my manhood has shriveled, I will no doubt spend the last two years of my life at a foggy window with only the distant fond memories of a bridge in a park; memories of young children running over the bridge passed an older man who smiles, full of hope for the younger generation; memories of a young hands, shy hands, and brown eyes." At this, the man's eyes drifted away, following his thoughts where ever they were flowing. "Oh, those hands were soft. Her voice was so sweet. Heh, she couldn't carry a tune though, try as she might."

Old photographs and poetry

2010-12-20T22:38:00.000-08:00

Old photographs and poetry...

you still have a hold in my life.
I tear down the images
your face imprints into my mind.
I hide the glass that keeps you constant.
I cannot move one with your perpetual gaze.
If only I could hide the memories...

I heard your words, read on yellowed paper.
I feel the warmth on my face though its meaning has changed.
I burn the language you invented for us.
The love and wit crackle with each flame
I cannot move on with your ancient tongue.
If only I could set fire to the memories....

To a certain someone

2010-11-26T19:00:00.000-08:00

To a certain someone I feel I must inform you that I no longer care what you think or what ships you sink.
And I feel you must know that you'll have to let it go that I no longer wear my hair the way that used to make you stare, and my clothes have change since you've since become a stranger to me.
I'm sick and tired of trying to read your mind. You cannot believe that I still wish we were together when we were never together mentally. I feel you have simply lost touch with reality.
You and me can never be since you lost touch with what we used to be.
Used to be...

To a certain someone, I feel I need to remind you that you've seemed to lost your mind when you called me blind to what I was leaving behind. Please wipe my smile from your mind. I can no longer be kind.
You made a mistake in thinking this was just a break and now you want to make me take your word.

To a certain someone, you forgot you caused the problems when I wanted to solve them.
You'll have to move on and I'll sing my song- but don't worry, I'll change the names so you won't be blamed for the change in me from how I used to be and why I smile a bit more than before, why I don't cry like I used to when I was with you. Now I'm not with you and that suits me just fine. It's relief for my mind...

To a certain someone....

Clarence on the wall

2010-11-21T21:27:00.000-08:00

The breeze carries a gentle tune as Richard plots, ruffling his concentration and furrowed brow.
Elizabeth pushes back a stray blonde hair as she smiles at her king, though Edward's health is quickly fading.
Lords Rivers and Grey support their sweet sister, perhaps scared for her future.
And Clarence is hidden, hanging on the wall.
Anne falls for a riddle and a poem, tripping from the tongue of a dog in disguise.
Richard devours another heart and licks his lips clean of the crime.
Edward sighs.
The crown falls to the floor.
And Clarence who was hidden, now floats with the angels.
Queen Margaret, prophetess, shares all though no one listens.

The children cry, though they know not why.

The mothers cry for themselves, only giving a small glance to the sanity they lost to the boar.
Margaret laughs to herself, their misery her delight.
Richard continues his plans, green and red.
Only blessed Richmond can stop his envy and anger, plagues though they are.
The mother York mourns alone.
The hidden princess is untainted.
Buckingham and Hasting water the flowers on their shallow graves.
Richard fearing shadows, destroyed under the blotted sun.
And the puppets dance and sing without their strings, leading the players in their mad dance; silence and footfall, their refrain.

The Diva is doomed, revised

2010-10-30T09:53:00.000-07:00

The diva has no hope.

The diva smiles for the crowd but, below the act, she wants to scream aloud.

The diva wants to let the monster out.

Below the diva's stage, her foundation is crumbling.
The diva covers her pain and troubles with makeup and band-aids.

The diva is now haunted by her mistakes,

yet continues to fail her loved ones.

The diva's unrelenting ability to destroy is her downfall.

The diva surrounds herself with friends and emotion,on a crowded stage of strangers.

The diva always fears time spent alone, for there the truth finds her.
The diva forgets how to bleed, but she can show you her scars.
The diva never knew how to love. All that beats is her broken heart.
The diva sings no melody, but has her own tune and march.
The diva has discovered true loneliness though she hides behind a glass of wine.
The diva never keeps time, too busy in the limelight.

The diva is tortured by the demons she has created.
The diva has no room for clothes in her closet, full of skeletons.
The diva has compromised her life, her emotions, her relationships.
No script will save her speech when all charisma is sucked away from her eyes.
She will discover the bottom of the empty bottle.

No role will spare her from real emotion.
No revival will save the diva's soul.

The diva is doomed.

Tahrea, Vegetarian, Part Two or The End of National Vegetarian Month

2010-10-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

I did not intend for my previous blog to be a two part thing, but I've actually had some great feedback the first part. I thought I'd follow up and expand on a few things. As of yesterday, I've been a vegetarian for four months now! Yay! I have felt better and my body has been functioning better, excluding these past few weeks where my cast mates and I have been sharing some sort of bug with each other. I have actually lost 24 pounds since I started this endeavor, an extra fabulous bonus. :o)
Every once in a while, I find myself craving a steakburger from Steak N Shake or bacon. However, since I look at this whole change as a challenge for myself, I know that not giving in to certain cravings only helps me build my will power. To me, it's like some one trying to quit smoking, though not as extreme. What's aggravating is that when someone close to me says they reeeeeally want to smoke a cigarette and I support them by discouraging that craving, but when I make a small mention about how I kinda miss bacon, I am encouraged to EAT the bacon. Argh. That response certainly does not helping my personal cause. Luckily, the worse BAD craving that has cracked me is french fries. Yep, I've gone through a drive thru as of late for some fries and a fruit and yogurt parfait more than once. GUILTY. :o/
As we end National Vegetarian Month, I reflect on the past couple of months and realize how much I've learned about myself and about the amazing alternatives I have been given or have discovered. I hope that more people will explore healthier options for themselves and make healthy decisions for themselves as they reach for their next meal.
Remember, we eat to live. We do not live to eat.

It could be worse but I'm glad it's not....

2010-10-10T22:33:00.000-07:00

I should be asleep. I SHOULD be. I'm in bed. It is late at night. I should be asleep. But I'm not. Instead I find myself sinking into the melancholy void that tends to overtake me when I find myself suddenly alone. Sometimes it hits me when I'm driving alone or when I'm doing something menial at work; random actions which one does alone. UGH... it's hard to shake sometimes. It isn't that I'm depressed, just... brooding in my solitude. This is a state few "emo" kids can only hope to achieve, y'know.
No I'm not depressed. That's not it. I mean, about what have I to be depressed? Yeah, I've got a few things pulling against me right now, but I've got a few great things going for me. I have several things to which I am look forward including a date with a pretty decent guy on Friday. I am surrounded by friends and family. I have a terrific theatre family who is overwhelming me with SO many great memories and moments....
...but I'm still in this funk. Bleh. At least I am feeling sleep pull at my eyes, slowing my fingers as they dash across this keyboard. My intent on writing tonight was to expel poetic nonsense about my sense of self seclusion and lonesome feeling. Yet here I sit, babbling. I guess I just need to keep repeating "It could be worse but I'm glad it's not...." Words by which to live.

It could be worse but I'm glad it's not....

Tahrea, vegetarian

2010-10-05T12:17:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, I started a journey, so to speak. I decided to give up meat, eggs, and (maybe) dairy. I pretty much went cold turkey on eggs, since I didn't consume eggs on a regular basis. It took about a week for me to work myself into a meatless diet. (Dairy? Pfft. I'm typing this as I munch on pasta with Parmesan cheese.) I was pumped about this decision. Even though I am surrounded but borderline carnivores, I have found major support from friends and folks I didn't even know were vegetarians. Since I cannot seem to fully kick dairy, I don't see a complete crossover to veganism in my near future. (Sorry vegans.)

People keep asking me, "Well, what do you eat?" I hate that question almost as bad as "Where do you get your protein?" (What do they say about bringing a knife to a gun fight?) Don't ask a vegetarian (or a vegan) either of those questions. They are ignorant questions. Since the switch, I've found that humans put meat and cheese in just about EVERYTHING we cook and eat. It's ridiculous! Meat can be replaced by extra veggies, rice, tofu or beans. If you use meats for flavoring purposes, like bacon, you can try bacon bits for salads and a certain amount of liquid smoke. Those are just two substitutions I have found. I also found a major love for beans (frijoles negros!) and nuts, both an amazing substitute for meat and great sources for protein. (Hah, ignorance!)

If you've been my facebook friend or twitter follower for anytime in the past few months, you will have noticed the random food and vegetarian related postings. I know it seems odd to post a picture of my lunch, but there is a method to my madness. 1.) I decided to document my journey into this widely known yet misunderstood realm of life. 2.) I wanted to show that vegetarians can eat and eat well. I'm not exactly trying to flaunt it or shove it in people's faces but rather share and enlighten. People eat before they think, stuffing themselves with unknown garbage and then wonder why they feel sickly or why they are borderline obese. It is not a mystery. Another reason why I chose this lifestyle was because I wanted to find ways of eating healthier and smarter. For the past three months, I have gone through a drive-thru twice. Twice. Once in late August and once last week. Both times for a mini blizzard from DQ (ARGH Dairy!). That's it, and that says a lot because I'm constantly on the go, driving between work, home, teaching, rehearsal, and church. I have started making meals and eating at home a lot more than before. I have found that if I choose my own ingredients and make it myself I have a better grasp on what exactly I am putting in my body. In my research and reading ( MAN, have I researched this stuff) I have found a lot of great recipes and substitutes and I've also made up some dishes of my own. :o) It is empowering to be able to know that I'm doing something worthwhile for my body, bettering myself and my life. It has been a major confidence boost and it is exciting!

"You are what you eat" carries a different tune here. If you consume crap (pop, foods of unknown origin, meat) you will feel like crap. You can/will feel sluggish, fat, unmotivated, and sick. If you eat healthier you can feel healthier. You only have one life here on this planet. Why bog it down with unnecessary stress on your body and on your mind? Honestly, I'm not out to change the world with this lifestyle change. You, my friends, will each choose to eat what you what and believe what you want, just as I do. But please be smart. Love your bodies.

Happy National Vegetarian Month!

(Please recognize that I'm not joining PETA, this is not a religious decision, and it is not based on animal cruelty. Though I am disgusted with the way animals are treated in the process, and I COULD go on about my opinions and findings on THAT subject, that is not the initial reason behind my change.)

Another time of mourning...

2010-08-30T21:52:00.000-07:00

Due to a completely unrelated and completely ridiculous string of events, I did not feel the least bit compelled to answer the phone when it rang, signifying that Ray (Biological father) was calling me at Midnight tonight. Sure enough, he left a voicemail. On said voicemail, he informed me that Ethel, my late grandfather's wife, had passed away on the 19th. Ray himself had apparently just discovered this information and wanted to pass the info along. For anyone who has read my blogs in the past or found any particular interest in the random babblings on my facebook page, you know that I went to Georgia back around Easter. That was the second time in my life I had been in that house, the first time I could remember. That time with Ethel turned out to an extremely significant time that I will never forget. She touched my heart in a way that would lead one to believe we were very close. Though we've know of each other my entire life, I had no relationship with her or my grandfather of which to speak except for the little time I spent in their home as a baby and the two weeks I was there this past spring. However, I learned much about/from Ethel and that house. I created memories that I will always cherish. I hated leaving her and that house. I guess these are the reasons why I bawled when I got tonight's unexpected message. I guess that's why I'm still crying... and why my heart hurts.
She was a dear woman, and would've been 90 this year. Gosh. 90 years old. She had a great life though I know she was probably heartbroken over the death of her husband. And I know she was suffering physically. But, now she is at peace. And even through the sadness I thank God I was given the opportunity to meet her and be able to spend time with her, and to have so many questions answered.

I pray for peace for her loved ones because I know she will be missed by her family.
God bless you Ethel.

Another emo poem........

2010-08-10T18:29:00.000-07:00

So close to being with you
so close to the brink
I can hardly think
You push me on
you write my song
I want to hold you close
I want to be free
I just want to fly
I can't remember
I only feel the wind
Why am I here?
You won't be there
in the end
You'll run away
You'll leave me on the curb
You'll leave me on the line
standing alone again.
But you push me on
you write my song
You make me want to hold you
though I want to be free to fly
I wish I could remember how to feel
Why am I here?
You'll only drive me away
or drive me over the edge
I'll never feel your warmth
You'll keep me at arm's length
over the cliff
I'll dangle for you
as long as I know you're there

A serious issue of theatrical proportions

2010-07-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

I have been mulling over an issue that has hit me hard lately. It may not impact others the way it has me, but I feel quite passionate about this. It's an issue that slightly frightens me. We have a wonderful theatre community in Central Ohio. And yet live theatre is suffering, locally and nationally. Companies are merging, downsizing, and even closing. It kills me. Since becoming a reviewer with Theatre Vault I have been connected with so many wonderful people, and pleasantly surprised by how many theatres we have in our hometown. I have also picked up on a couple of common themes: Lack of space, lack of funding, lack of interest. Lather, rinse, and repeat with the next theatre company. And not just the community theatres either. Our main equity house, CATCo, has also felt the harsh blow of our currently economy to a great extent. How tragic is it that an actor's escape or true utopia, their home, the stage, is being threatened by something beyond the realm of creativity? How sad is it that we must almost beg and borrow to make a halfway decent production only to be let down by a miniscule crowd on opening night?
Luckily (for most theatre groups) actors are creative, giving, and resourceful folks who find ways to make their shows work. Instead of performing on an actual stage, you find theatres like Raconteur Theatre Company, a company that is often seen performing on the second floor of Club Diversity. You also find a lot of costumes, props, and sets are borrowed between theatre companies, as we are a community and we are all connected through each other. For some theatres who don't have their own home stage, there are others like Columbus Civic Theatre who allow other companies to share their stage and utilize their facilities. So there are a many resources and people in our city who are willing to make ends meet in the midst of the dreary circumstance. Still, there is a need. There are still those who are feeling the harsh blows. What else can be done? PLENTLY. My favorite thing to do is to audition. Support your local theatres by auditioning or being involved backstage. So many patrons are sick of seeing the same actors in every show. If you are one of those patrons, put up or shut up. AUDITION! Donate your time to props and costumes. Sit in the freaking tech booth and push buttons. My next suggestion is to donate props, costumes, or even money. A litte, a lot- it doesn't matter. Every little bit helps. And stop complaining about ticket prices. If you want to see a show, save up and go. Support the theatre and the actors. You never know; that extra money might be going towards the meager recompense of the actors. Yeah, your attendance may pay the actors. The actors will love you for that. Theatres always appreciate their patrons in their programs and newsletters. We need people who are willing to support our art. And I don't mean theatre folk supporting theatre folk. We get bored with each other after a while. I mean regular, not theatrical, sane everyday americans looking for entertainment, education, and an escape from their everyday american lives.
Bottom line, something has to be done. There needs to be a radical change in our community. I'm one person. PHYSICALLY, I'm one person. I write my reviews, I attend shows, I donate my time, I perform. I live for my art. I'm doing what I can. And now I'm challenging everyone who reads this. There are shows going on EVERY weekend in Ohio. I guarantee you, EVERY weekend, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, somewhere in our state, someone is performing on a stage. Go. Support them. Laugh at them (even if they aren't funny). Cry (especially if they aren't funny). Love it. Hate it. Debate it. GO. Better our community by better our theatre community. And think about what you can do as an individual and we can do as a people, united by one goal.

Myrtle Beach Vacation, Part One

2010-06-14T00:51:00.000-07:00

It is 3:35 am. I am completely numb to feelings and emotions right now as they do not exist in this ungodly hour, though if I were to pinpoint one that I probably would be feeling right now it would be unmitigated disdain for this terrible time. As I lay here, the rest of the household sleeps. I woke up early to shower and get ready because everyone one else said they would wake up around 4 am. I didn't feel like fighting for a shower, so I jumped the gun on this one. I hate long roadtrips where I sit in the back seat for nine hours, hating life. Knowing that is what is looming in the near future only adds to the resentment. I've never understood the concept of getting up so early to get on the road. I know it is to reach your destination at a decent hour, thus beginning your vacation and optimum relaxation time.... but seriously. I for one want to collapse on a bed when I get out of that despicable van. I have no desire to eat or sightsee. THAT can begin tomorrow. Whatever. I've learned not to argue. I've accepted my fate. And besides, if it makes the parents happy I'll be cool.
My next coherent thought won't be for hours as I will try the uncomfortable effort of sleeping in the godforsaken van. That will go over really well I'm sure. :o/
Why couldn't Myrtle Beach be closer???

The reasons why you are suffering (a poem)

2010-06-07T22:25:00.000-07:00

Tired, past the twilight
you're sailing into the murky night.
It's going to be another shouting match
Another bloodbath.
You're going to claw for each other's eyes,
both being accused of lies.
Unrelenting, unwilling to let go
and sail into a world you don't know.
you fight against the swirl of emotion.
Only one has any devotion,
and one is making ends meet to try and keep it right
but you're only going to end up in another fight.
Never ending circle could end by your hand
but you're too busy trying to be a friend.
You are trapped in that cage,
and you can't find your stage.
You belong to yourself
but your balls are on her shelf .
You pray for release
so you can do as you please
but you can't find your way
so you begin to sway
and fall down,
dirt and ground,
making the same mistake,
always give and never take.
You may never learn
and she'll make you squirm
and crush you with regret when it's your turn.

Guess what I've got to plan.............

2010-05-23T20:06:00.000-07:00

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtGJ2PqNkMGAjcvWwYSzEvMjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20070130045420AApQq2f

http://partygameideas.com/bridal-shower/games-list.php
http://partygameideas.com/bridal-shower/knows_the_bride_2.php
http://partygameideas.com/bridal-shower/recipe_success_4.php
http://partygameideas.com/bridal-shower/be_the_bride_2.php
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ag.8Vd6VJjL6xabbH5d7LuUjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20070303203127AAtcPuA
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ag.8Vd6VJjL6xabbH5d7LuUjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20080921134927AATwroU
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgZtt44dXtKc05s86b9G.DYjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20081113183855AA12Bpl

Dreams of you and I, someday....

2010-05-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

Suddenly sleep has overcome
and I am drifting away
sailing down night's rocky shore
dreams of you and I, someday
Kiss me once
Love me twice
Hold me close
and never say goodbye

I wish it would fade into nothingness
sail into the deep
All of the creeping, dangerous
words that come with sleep
I almost don't want to wake up
so I won't have to face the light
Won't have to deal with the consequence
of wanting to hold you so tight
Push past the thorns and the briars of
confusion and misery's rose
Making a break
don't want to wake up
fearing the flood as it goes
When shall we ever be free
When shall we sit 'neath the stars
When shall we share our words in the open
revealing our bruises and scars
So long since I could even cry
so long since I've seen you smile
I hate to say the word, goodbye
It's been for too long a while
Concealing myself
My heart's on the shelf
My mind is sheer poetry
My eyes are yours
wanting tears and sore
You are all I can see
Suddenly sleep has overcome
and I am drifting away
sailing down night's rocky shore
dreams of you and I, someday
Kiss me once
Love me twice
Hold me close
and never say goodbye

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!

2010-05-21T21:14:00.000-07:00

RAINRAINRAINRAINRAINRAIN.... UGH! No more rain GOD! Please. Give it a rest. It sounds great and it's fine when I'm not in it. Unfortunately, half my life is spent in my car, DRIVING, so c'mon! Let's have a nice sunny day tomorrow, whadya say? Hmm? Sunny? Warm? Something optimal? Maybe even, dare I say, DRY? Just a thought...

I shed a tear in my indecent heartache.
I know it's too much to ask
to want our moments to last,
but I just can't resist...
I sit in my solitude
knowing you are not alone.
I breathe and worry...
I wonder if you think of me.
The rain does nothing to console
but rather mimic the pounding of my heart.

VBS!!!!

2010-05-21T13:36:00.000-07:00

Among everything else that is going on in my life, Josh and I were approached at church Sunday and asked to head up this summer's VBS. As in the church's VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL!!!!! After the initial freak out, I realized I actually have to sit down and figure out what exactly I want to do for this VBS. I'm so excited. Now I need to praypraypray and find the perfect theme.
PRAY!
http://ministry-to-children.com/vbs/
http://www.christianbook.com/vbs?kw=vbs&event=PPCSRC&p=1018818&cm_mmc=Google-_-Vbs-_-vbs-_-vbs&gclid=CIHr9o2E5KECFSQ65Qod1HLPKQ

Do you hurt like I do?

2010-05-16T22:08:00.000-07:00

Do you hurt like I do?
Does the pain cause chaos in your mind,
and you toss and you turn at night?
Do you long for the dawn
yet wish to sleep the day away?
Does it hurt so you can't breathe?
You can't think, you can't see,
but your mind won't stop reeling
and you cannot collect your thoughts.
Everything seems so fraught.
Do you hurt like I do?
You cannot be still,
yet you have no will to move.
You cannot sing your problems away.
You wipe away tears,
but there's no hiding the tears that stain.
You lie in bed, you're at home,
but you feel so alone.
Can you breathe?
Can you feel, can you see?
Do you feel this agony?
Has driven you completely insane?
Can you feel your brain?
Do you hurt like I do?

Without you...

2010-05-16T12:41:00.000-07:00

How many nights so bright
shall I wander through
without you?
How many days so grey
must I spend
until my heart starts breaking?
How long must I travel on?
How shall I go on?
Without you....
Without you...
I cannot see the end
I cannot find a friend
I cannot breath again
until I'm with you
I cannot wait
I cannot stand up straight
I cannot live another moment
without you....

Woes for the diva

2010-05-13T21:42:00.000-07:00

What's the diva to do when she hangs up the crown?
Where does she go when she can't find her crowd?
Woes for the diva who cannot hold her head high...
Ode to the diva who's head is in the sky.
She cannot look in the mirror long enough to fix her makeup.
She doesn't recognize her face.
It's not the one she had before.
Who is that staring back?
No one knows.
She doesn't know.
She has forgotten how to spell out what she needs without another person's words.
She cannot love for long and she cannot love just one.
This diva surrounds herself with many different lives, different loves, different arms, different words.
The diva is a complicated, overrated, degraded shell of her former self.
Where has the diva gone?
No one knows.
They saw her last week, around the corner, down the street.
Or so they say.
They can't truly be sure if it was indeed her since she disappeared so quickly.
But it must've been her.
But why would a diva cry?
This diva has all emotion, but cannot convey how she feels.
The diva finds her way to the bottom of the bottles and other's heels.
This diva is out of touch with reality, running from its harsh beams.
She doesn't care what morals are or where you come from.
She'll treat you just the same, and put you out with others when she's through.
She needs direction, she needs bright lighting.
She needs someone there to cue her, to dress her, to pursue her.
She needs her medicine, her addiction.
Woes for the diva who cannot hold her head high...
Ode to this diva who is only living out a lie.

Another time, another place

2010-05-13T21:14:00.000-07:00

Another time, another place
Another song, another embrace
It's all too fresh
My soul's turmoil
I spiral downward as I lose control
I shove past the bottles and sink into withdrawal
Another time, another place
Another song, another embrace
You smile in the red light,
My late night tears,
All becoming a blur
Terrified you'd kiss me
Wishing that you would
Another time, another place
Another song, another embrace
I am truly alone in this madness
I have lost my drug, separated
I am losing myself in my mind and the eyes of others
Though I lost myself already in your words and smile

Me

2010-05-10T21:50:00.001-07:00

I'm Tahrea.
I am an Aries.
I am in love with one amazing guy...
I am a SERVER at the Tuscan Table.
I am a Ghost Hunter with BSPHI.
I am a Drama Queen.
I am the Musical Theatre Instructor for the Charmion Performing Arts Center.
I am obsessed with theatre.
-------
I love to talk.
I love to sing.
I love to act.
I love chinese food.
I love my friends.
I love going to the GroveCity Steak-N-Shake at 11 pm at night with my friends.
I love laughing. Loudly.
I love God.
I love live.
-----
I believe in God.
I believe in Prince Charming.
I believe in Fairy Tales.
I believe in Karma.
I believe in doing what is right, not what is easy.
--------
I have been out of America.
I have a sister and two brothers.
I have big boobs.
I have an australian shepherd.
I have a great singing voice.
I have a fabulous personality.
I have many talents.
I have no idea what I'm doing.

My current frustration and opening night (Opening NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT. It's Opening NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!)

2010-05-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

I hate Writer's Block. It sucks even more since life has given me tons of material lately, but my muse isn't giving me the clarity I need... This sucks majorly since I find writing poetry so therapeutic and healing. All I can do is look over poems I written in the past and just say "Yup, been there, done that." ARGH. It is so frustrating. I start writing something only to delete it, yelling at the screen because it didn't help conjure up exactly what I wanted it to say in the most eloquent and poignant way possible. I'd kill for a good metaphor right now........... The worst thing is knowing that inspiration could hit at any stupid moment like when I'm onstage in the middle of a show or during a busy lunch rush or when I'm driving. Any stupid moment when I can't grab a pencil and my poetry journal and just go to town. DOUBLEARGH.

In other news, No Exit opens tonight at 8 pm. I am really excited to see how an audience responds. Britt had an old friend come in and he seemed to really like it. Or he was the greatest actor in the history of EVER. We shall see...

A monologue from Company

2010-05-02T22:35:00.000-07:00

Right after I got to college, a friend of mine who has a garden apartment gave me a cocoon for my dorm room. He collects things like that... caterpillars, insects, and stuff... It was attached to a twig, and he told me that one morning I'd wake up to a beautiful butterfly flying around my room when it hatched. He said that when they first come out, they're soaking wet and there's even a tiny little speck of blood in there -- isn't THAT fascinating -- but within an hour they dry off and begin to fly. Well, I told him I had a cat. I had a cat then. But he just said, "Put it somewhere where the cat can't get it!" which is impossible, but what can you do? So, I put it up on a ledge where the cat never went, and the next morning it was still there, at least so it seemed safe to leave it. Anyway, about a week later, very, very early this one morning, the guy calls me and says, "April, do you have a butterfly this morning?" So I put down the phone and managed to get up and look, and sure enough I saw a little wet spot, and a tiny speck of blood, and... no butterfly. And I thought, "Oh, dear God in heaven, the cat got it." I picked up the phone to tell the guy, and just then, suddenly, I spotted it underneath the dressing table. It was moving one wing. The cat had gotten it, but it was still alive. So I told the guy, and he got so upset and he said, "Oh, God, April, don't you see that that's a life? A living thing?" So I got dressed and took it to the park, and I put it on a rose. It was summer then, and it looked like it was going to be alright; I thought so, anyway. But that man... I felt so damaged by him -- awful -- that was just cruel. So I got home and called him back and said, "Listen, I'm a living thing too, you s***head!" I never saw him again.

My current insanity....

2010-05-02T22:17:00.000-07:00

My life is non-stop. I no longer possess that which normal people refer to as "FREE TIME." I'm not even sure that's how it's spelled anymore. I somehow have become as busy as a.... a soccer mom. MINUS the soccer and mom part, multiply the busy by two. I'm constantly on the go. If I'm not getting ready for play practice or a board meeting I'm going to church, worship rehearsal, or teaching class. Or I'm going to see someone else's show. OR I'm going to RTP to fill ticket orders. OR I'm memorizing lines. Or I'm at work. Or I'm driving. Or sleeping. Or getting showered and dressed, preparing to do any of the aforementioned activities/duties. And you know what... I love it. I love the stress. I love the go, go, go of my life. It can put a strain on having time to just hang at home and get housework out of the way, and time with my family can be sparse. But I've been blessed with a family who is almost as busy as I am, so they get it completely. I've conditioned myself over the past six years to the point that I can't go too long without doing something. I sit and have nothing to do for very long; I go into withdrawal. lol. I'm sure it's no surprise that I enjoy the insanity. :o)

You bring me up
you bring me down
make me your cross
make me your crown
I never know which way to go
I'm never quite clear on where you are
You frustrate me
you drive me crazy
I'll try to leave but you always bring me back

Stuff and stuff.... (Too tired to come up with a cathy title....)

2010-04-26T21:32:00.000-07:00

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. I realized I haven't blogged since I got home from Georgia, two weeks ago. Coming back home was like hitting the ground running with no intentions of stopping. Life, just as I left it. I've since begun rehearsing with Columbus Civic Theatre, performing in No Exit. Wowzers. It's always fun to work with a new theatre group. New people, new space, different perspectives. It's awesome. One of the great things is the degrees of separation in the theatre community. I am probably connected to everyone in the Central Ohio theatre community by... we'll say six degrees, just to be safe. Everyone knows everyone. :o)
The great thing about this show is I'm learning more about myself and I'm exploring this amazing show everyone knew except me. It makes me wonder what other awesome shows are out there, lurking the dark and mysterious realms of all things theatrical, just waiting for me to come along.... hhhmmmmmmmmmmmm....

By now, everyone who reads this stuff I write probably knows about the cat incident. The cat Junia randomly brought home about a month, two months ago had a baby in the middle of my bed Saturday evening. When I should've been at RTP watching Junia's performance in the show, I was sitting in my bedroom, staring at my cat's.... girly parts, waiting to see if she'd pop out another one, and cleaning up what used to be a pretty decent fitted sheet. My bed, long story short, looked like a makeshift hospital on a battlefield. The kind where things are/were being amputated. Yeah. Even though it was just a cat and a kitten, I still say I should've recorded it and used the video in any conversation I may have with my kids about birth control and abstinence. I say "my kids" and I mean my theatre kids. All 1000 of them.

Georgia (and Florida), Part Eight

2010-04-10T21:38:00.000-07:00

This is my last blog from Florida. In a few short hours I will be in the Sarasota Airport headed to Atlanta. My flight leaves at 6 AM, first class. Once I'm in Atlanta, I have a short layover and then I'm on my way to OHIO! My flight in Atlanta will land me in my grand home state around 10:30 am where I will be greeted by my loving Josh and his darling mother Rhonda.

Today's itinerary started us off with breakfast on the beach, a trip to Mixons, Red Barn, and then church service at their church, Bayside Community Church. AMAZING! After church, they took me to Siesta Beach to see and feel the powdery amazing-ness of the sand there. Powdery and amazing! Then We went to meet Scott and Gwenn Keefer, friends of Carol and Ray (Scott is also a '83 grad of TVHS), and we finished the evening with dinner at Mattison's. It is an awesome outside cafe finished off with a bar and live band. Tooooons of drunk old people dancing. I dragged Shawn over so we could partake of the drunkness, dancy awesomeness. As I was begrudgingly forced to leave by my cohorts, I kinda danced to the music around the fence that ran the perimeter of the patio and the lead singer, some older, Allman brother wannabe (it was a good band, don't get me wrong) hollered something at me in the mic, though I don't know what it was. I wasn't sure if I was the one he was attempting to communicate with during the song until he pointedly looked right at me. I laughed and told the others, "He just said something to me!" Then Ray noticed the guy continuing to watch me walk all the way around the fence. I turned around and saw that the guy's eyes were glued on me, lol, so I danced for a second and blew him a kiss. I was peeved I couldn't run back up there with the old folks and keep dancing like a fool, but it was time to go.

Now I must face the grueling task of finishing my packing, showering, and getting an hour's worth of sleeping. UGH. I also am not looking forward to leaving these wonderful people I've come to know. The folks I've met have asked me when/if I'm coming back. ARGH. I hate that I have to go, but I am glad to head home. I so wish Florida and Ohio were a bit closer. Distance is a terrible thing at times. Thank God for the internet.
I'm also kinda bummed I don't get to travel in one of those couch sized planes again. :o) That is an adventure I'd try again.

God, please keep me safe as I travel back home tomorrow. Keep my suitcase where it needs to be and get it home safely as well. Amen.

Georgia, Part Seven

2010-04-09T14:46:00.000-07:00

We arrived safely in Bradenton, Florida yesterday afternoon. After stopping at their house, we went to meet Shawn for dinner. Then they drove me around to see the amazing view of the beach at night. It was amazing.
This morning Carol, Ray, and I went to the beach and lunch. I have a really nice sunburn now, but it's totally worth it. Now we're getting ready to go to dinner and see some Bradenton sites. I am so excited to get to know Shawn and Carol and too see different elements of their lives. Aaaand.... I'm in Florida. :o)

Georgia, Part Six

2010-04-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

It has been an interesting couple of days. Yesterday we though Grandpa was gone. He was catatonic and breathing quite strangely in the afternoon and evening, after waking up and making phone calls early in the morning. Then, this morning he did the same thing. He woke up talking and eating only to sink in a deep sleep. However, he did wake up and was talking throughout the day. When Ray, Carol, and I arrived he was sleeping but did wake up after the nurse gave him a oxygen mask. He didn't say much until we started to leave. Then he asked Ray to talk without "all these witnesses around" (All two of us). Outside of the room, Carol and I could clearly hear Grandpa and Ray began fighting over my presence in Grandpa's life. It was crazy. I was really peeved that it was still an issue after 15 years. I was also a little hurt. So when Ray left the room, I took the advice received from a cousin and went in the room by myself. I apologized and tried to explain my reasoning. I told him I loved him and Ethel very much and that's why I'm here. I also told him that I had been the one caring for Ethel for the past couple of days. He just sat and stared so I left. I felt more fulfilled than hurt or angry. I have waited so long to talk to that man and to explain myself and I've finally done. I have completely fulfilled my personal mission in coming down here. I met Grandpa and Ethel and even some family I've never met. I got to talk with Ethel and interact with her on a level I never saw coming. I was able to see Macon and different areas that have become major spots in Ray's life and my own. Just stepping foot in this house was amazing enough for me.
Now that Ethel has the care she needs and Grandpa is stable enough that he'll be coming home soon, Ray and Carol are taking me to Florida to see where they live. Bradenton is five hours away from here, so we'll leave in the morning and be there with enough time to spare for some awesome tomfoolery. I'm really excited to meet Shawn and to see a part of their lives together. Then, I'm flying out of Sarasota in the morning and will be in Ohio at 10:30 AM to be picked up by my darling Josh.
I hate the idea of Ethel but I don't want to be here anymore if it will bring some sort of distress to my grandfather. I am not looking forward to telling Ethel we're leaving. I love her so much and I hate to see her cry. I guess we'll just see what happens.

Georgia, Part Five

2010-04-05T23:49:00.000-07:00

    Today was.... ugh. Grandpa freaked out on Ray today when he and Carol went to the hospital. He was highly unpleasant and malevolent, spouting off things that were unnecessarily heated. Ray came back home crushed and very despondent. I didn't go because I knew waking up this morning I was to refrain from going to the hospital. I didn't know what, but I told Ray I did not want to go to the hospital. When they returned and Carol and Ray recounted the awful details, my answer was revealed. My relationship with my grandfather has been really rocky and bitter due to a very emotional letter I wrote to him when I was around eight. The details of the letter are hazy to me, but it was written during a time when I was not in contact with Ray and was very bitter towards him. Although my relationship with Ray has gotten exponentially better, grandpa's opinion of me has not. SO, it did not surprise me that my grandfather relayed to Ray his disdain for my being here.
Meanwhile, I stayed home, caring for Ethel and got to know her a little bit better.
     My focus has morphed between Wednesday and today. At first, I wanted to come down and see my grandfather for the first time and let him know I loved him. I wanted to meet Ethel as well and say goodbye to both of the them. Over the past couple of days they have stabilized healthwise and give no indications of passing soon, like I was previous told. I'm glad that they are still here and I have a chance to get to know them, yet I'm sad that their suffering is prolonged. Since I sensed my grandfather's negative attitude towards my presence, I have focused my efforts towards caring for Ethel. This woman is sweet and loving, a sharp juxtaposition to grandpa's harsh disposition. She is grateful for my help and apologizes each time I have to take her to the bathroom. She also wishes grandpa would understand my mentality behind the aforementioned letter situation. I am not hurt by my grandfather's present actions and words as I know that he is a stubborn and bitter old man. As long as he is unwilling to open up, he is unreachable. I told him I love him and he knows I am down here. I have seen him and he has seen me. I have fulfilled a lifelong wish. Now my energy is focused on Ethel. I never thought I'd be able to care for an elderly person in the major degree that I have with her. I have bathed her, fed her, cleaned her after using the bathroom, and moved her from point to point. I'm physically exhausted but I feel so blessed for the experience and the ability to be a part of things, helping somehow. I have completely fallen in love with her. It is going to be so hard to leave her when it comes time to do so.
    Tomorrow will bring new developments. Grandpa may be coming home. In order for that to happen, a lot of equipment and a hospital bed will have to be moved in before he is. If/when he comes home, I shall head back to Ohio. I hate the idea of leaving, but I do not wish to cause a fuss in this house and risk upsetting Ethel, although I know my leaving will make her quite sad. She is so wonderful.

God, please be with us. Keep our tempers down and our tolerance high. Help us make the right choices and keep us safe.
Amen

Georgia, Part Four

2010-04-04T21:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's meeting between Grandpa and Ethel went over like a lead balloon. He seemed happy to see her at first and then flipped out. He yelled at Ray, asking him why he brought Ethel up there and that he said to never bring her to see him. She kept bringing it up all day after that. I felt so bad for her as it really hurt her. Each day I just love her more. She is a sweet woman who is just frail, quiet, and somewhat confused at times. I hate to see such a nice person like her so distraught and in pain. She has caused me to cry several times over the past couple of days just because she is so precious. I hate that I have to leave her in a week, and I just want relief and peace for her. Needless to say, nothing was decided between the two.
The hospital actually called Ray and told us that they thought our coming to see his father might be adding to his stress and ailments. They suggested that we stay away for the rest of the weekend. Now Ray is torn. Tomorrow is Monday, the beginning of a new week, but we don't know the status of grandpa's mental and physical health. AND, it's grandpa's 79th birthday tomorrow. It is sort of a bittersweet situation. More bone crushingly bitter than sweet.
To add to the aggravation, we believe Ethel's weekend aide quit on us. When we took her to the hospital, we had her aide go home since we didn't need her. She told us to call her when we got home. Ray did, but she didn't answer. Nor did she call back. Then, this morning, she didn't show up. I know it was Easter, but I think a phone call of some sort was in order. I'm kinda glad at the prospect of her being gone. Ethel didn't like her because she was rough and kinda lazy, and I didn't feel that she had a good spirit about her. I did witness firsthand her interactions with Ethel, and she was not a paced and gentle as she should have been with a woman in Ethel's condition. It angered me to see that go on, and, when she said Ethel wanted me to do her make-up, I jumped in to do the rest. I know this news, on top of everything else, will only anger grandpa more, so I doubt Ray will share it unless absolutely neccessary.
My prayers have gotten a bit complicated. On the one hand I am praying for peace and relief. On the other I pray for God's will to be done. I just want what's best for the couple. I wouldn't wish this sort of suffering on my worst enemy. I have heard Ethel across the hall, praying for God to help her. In her sleep, she has cried for "mommy" and "daddy" several times. Tonight is the most quiet she has been. I just feel for her so much and wish there was something beyond prayer that I could do. I just hate that the end is so hard for such wonderful people.
I wouldn't trade these days for anything though. I have never changed or bathed an adult. I've never cleaned them after they used the commode. I've never had to care for an elderly person before. It is a strange concept to me even though I have done the same with so many children. However, I've done it with Ethel because I care for her so much. It doesn't bother me like I thought it would. I haven't exactly enjoyed it, but I feel I have gained much from it. Each day I am more and more grateful for being here.

God, please have your hand upon this house and household, and upon that hospital room. Guide minds and hearts to you will. Help us each to gain patience and understanding as you know we sorely need both. I ask that you grant peace to Ethel and Grandpa.
Amen

Georgia, Part Three

2010-04-02T20:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday and today both found grandpa stressed out, again.
I'm glad I'm down here. I'm glad I've had the chance to be with everyone and help out with Ethel. It's frustrating at times but I am glad that I've been able to come down.
Tomorrow, we are taking Ethel to the hospital to talk privately with grandpa, as he wishes. I'm praying they are able to come to good conclusion that works for them and suits everyone, including the doctors. It really sucks that he and Ethel both are suffering and under stress. I've been praying and praying, but I guess I should focus on God's will happening rather than what I think should happen.
I just hope all goes well...

Georgia, Part Two

2010-03-31T19:39:00.001-07:00

As the plane rose from Port Columbus, each light was a twinkling jewel in the landscape. They gave a comforting glow to the picture the small window created for me. The funny thing is as we descended into Atlantan it was lighter as the sun was rising and the lights of the city were bright and harsh. They almost intimidated me, as did the INSANE size of the Atlanta Airport. RIDICULOUS. I completely despise airports. Completely. Period. However, they got me here, and for that I am thankful. After getting the halfing plane with Carol, Ray picked us up and took us back to grandpa's house to drop off our luggage and see Ethel, grandpa's wife.
At the hospital I finally got to see my grandfather. I also got meet his brother David, and Whitney and Scott, David's kids. They were such wonderful people, full of the sense of humor that must be a prominant trait of the Tallent family. Although grandpa's health is diminishing, he was somewhat responsive and was joking with everyone else. I am so glad I'm here finally, but so sad that it took so long.
Tomorrow I shall return to the hospital with Ray and Carol. I hope tomorrow is a smooth day and neither Grandpa or Ethel suffer.
Please God.

Georgia, Part One

2010-03-31T02:13:00.000-07:00

After a wonderful birthday, I have quite a week ahead of me. My biological father, Ray, called me yesterday, as he has for the past few weeks, to inform me of the status of his father's health. Little to my surprise, grandpa's health has deteriorated greatly and he has taken a turn for the worse. Ray then surprised me by asking me to come down to say goodbye. Come down... to Georgia. Macon, Georgia, to be specific. Since I was a child, traveling to see my grandfather has been one of my greatest wishes. Of course, my decision was simple. Only it wasn't. Going to Georgia meant I had to cancel my classes for this week, cancel rehearsal plans for the Easter program, actually missing the Easter program, and Rhonda's birthday celebration. After weighing my options, making phone calls, apologizing, and completely freaking out, my decision was made up. So now I sit in Port Columbus, Gate C56, waiting to board my flight. I had to wake up from an hour's worth of sleep around 2:45 am and get here about 4. My shaking due to nerves, stomach gurgling, and lack of sleep have subsided slightly, though I'm not looking forward to the Atlanta airport as I have been told several times that it is enormous. My one relief is that Carol, Ray's darling wife, will be arriving a few minutes before I will on her flight from Florida. Then, we shall wait for our 10:20 am flight to Macon where we will meet up with Ray.
Then, we venture into unknown circumstances. I don't know what this next week will hold for me, whether I shall be attending a funeral or not. My flight coming home has not yet been planned as our plans are unknown. I just pray the flights are smooth and I don't completely lose my mind in an airport.

Please God. Let this be a wonderful experience. Keep me safe.

Day five: I'm broken

2010-03-18T12:21:00.000-07:00

I could not take it anymore! I had to go outside! I have been in this house for FIVE days! ME, who spends most of her life at work, theatre, classes, church, ELSEWHERE. ME, who uses home as a base to sleep, charge my phone, my laptop, and sometimes eat. ME, who uses this house as a place where I occasionally see those people I refer to as my family. And here I am, sitting on this couch or in bed, miserable, for FIVE DAYS! AUGH! I couldn't take it anymore. Ami kept walking from the back door to me. Then he climbed into the armchair and started gazing out, almost longingly. Then he came back to me. Then back to the door. Then back to me. THEN, we hear something outside. Dad, roughhousing with Aidenn. Well, that got Ami going. "SOMEONE is OUTSIDE and they are having a GOOD TIME and it's NOT ME!" Well, that's what I imagine he was saying.Meanwhile, I'm slowly going stir-crazy sitting here. So I turn MAGIC: The Magician's Secrets REVEALED 2, and get properly dressed. I put in my contacts for the first time in FIVE DAYS, which was an interesting struggle as the right one had sat in the container with no solution for FIVE DAYS. So I was greeted to a shriveled piece of plastic. Mmmmmmm... After finding my replacement lenses and getting dressed, I got the leash and we were ready to go.

Teddy decided he would join us after some persuasion. He's a grumpy old man of 10, after all. And soon He was leading the way down the path.

Everything is still very much... brown from the winter. But the sun and breeze are great indications that spring is very close, thank goodness...

I feel very fortunate to have such a great piece of the wildlife in my backyard. While we were trekking over the hill, I saw two deer sailing over the brush and into the woods, their white tails flicking with each leap.

A certain Amadeus would've dragged me like a ragdoll to catch up with them had he also spied them.

We did, however, find hoof prints in the soft earth, indicating recent activity.

And Aidenn found himself on the trail of an unfortunate rabbit, who darted pasted us only seconds before I caught this moment.

Thank goodness Teddy chose to lazily sniff through leaves and not give chase.

After several minutes of walking around and listening to the distant yelps of Aidenn running amok after that poor rabbit, we decided to head back to the house. Once again, Teddy took it upon himself to lead the way. :o)

Day four of my imprisonment

2010-03-17T15:11:00.000-07:00

I have reached the brink of insanity. I have sat in this house for four days now. I no longer find solace in my bedroom. Nay, it is but a tomb of disease, a sepulcher of sickness, enshrouded by used tissues and a snuggie. Slowly, the bed and walls have begun to mock me. Their entrapment reminding me of the health and freedom that exists outside their walls. They torment me so. When I shiver I reach for a blanket. But soon I am covered in beads of sweat. It is agony! My nose is no longer a nose but a red beacon of pain and trumpeting alarums. Even my own voice betrays me. I no longer carry the light effeminate notes of a 22 year woman, but those of a 45 year old man with a heavy cigarette addiction. My only companion, my laptop, has become my enemy. I loath its screen, I loath the places it takes me, yet I cannot stay away. I want to leave this ungodly house of madness but cannot step outside for fear of chill and more sickness. I must sit, stewing, simmering, festering in my aggravation. I long for sleep to bring the next day, praying it will bring health and an end to this horror.
Lord help my poor soul.

An Ode to the sick and ill at heart

2010-03-16T17:34:00.000-07:00

A cough,
a sniffle,
a fear,
a pill,
a pillow,
sleep.
A temperature,
a sneeze,
a tissue,
a tissue,
a cough,
a glare,
a tissue,
a pill,
a pillow,
sleep.
A temperature,
a cough,
a cough,
a coughing fit,
a sneeze,
a sniffle,
a red nose,
a growl of frustration,
a cough,
a sneeze,
a tissue,
a tissue,
a pathetic moan,
two pills,
a pillow.
A cough,
an string of incoherent growls and moans,
a sneeze,
two tissues,
a pill,
a sneeze,
a tissue,
a coughing fit,
an sneeze,
a pill,
two pillows.

Such is the life of an actress.

2010-03-15T10:45:00.000-07:00

For the past year, I had been so focused on Kidsummer that I gave little thought as to what was ahead in my theatrical quest once the musical was over. Now that I've closed the theatre doors on my production and everyone has moved on, I have realized that I have been forcibly placed into the lifestyle of the everyday American: Wake up, work, go home, menial household duties, bed. Lather, rinse, repeat. Luckily, Theatre Vault has kept me in the loop, allowing me to attend productions and revel in the company of other theatre folk. But that can only satisfy the soul for so long before that familiar pang starts back up, that overwhelming need to act, to perform. Fellow thespians know this feeling quite well, suffering through a sabbatical only to long for the stage and lights. In short, I NEED TO ACT! Aforementioned fellows also know that there is pride in directing but it is so much different than acting. It takes on a different meaning, a different affect on the individual. I love directing, and I hope to do it for years to come. Especially with all of the wonderful youngsters that I've been blessed with. I just can't wait to get another part. For anyone who has met me in real life, you know that I am a bit... dramatic at times. That drive has to be exercised through some outlet every once in a while or I go crazy. Thank God acting was invented.
So now, the question remains: What do I do now??? Well, I have a few options, thankfully. I won't name names until I am 100% certain, there is one role that I'm excited about, and I think I may get. Hopefully. If that doesn't work out, I'll probably cry, but audition for another show and life will go on. Such is the life of an actress.

A poem...

2010-03-13T22:21:00.000-08:00

I saw your face again today
I had to look away
When I came back to see
you were no longer looking to me
I know you're elsewhere calling their name
I know I've lost all I could have gained
And there is no tomorrow
There is only sunset on what could have been
No more time, no chance to win
I wish I would have known when I broke your heart
that you would one day break mine
I wish I could have told myself before it was too late
but then I just ran out of time
And there is no tomorrow
There is only sunset on what could have been
No more time, no chance to win
I must bow down graciously to whoever it may be
who's taken your love from me
I must smile and break away
realizing you did not wait
And there is no tomorrow
There is only sunset on what could have been
No more time, no chance to win

Exhausted, but still looking for stuff to do....

2010-03-02T13:06:00.000-08:00

I am so exhausted. I haven't had time to sit and breathe. I know part of me doesn't really want to, though my body has this thing where, after a while, it wants to sleep and it fights my will. To punish me, it decides to grab the next bout of sickness or lethargy and hold on for dear life, forcing me to stop. As mom has been sick since the day of grandpa's funeral, I know that may very well happen if I'm not careful. Ugh.
After the show, several if not all of my actors and parents asked me if I would be doing a summer show. Since there is such a demand for it, I announced to the board that I, indeed, would like very much to do a summer show. I am a glutton for punishment, I know. However, it is a wonderful experience to get to know all of the kids and to allow them to embrace and explore their talents. Plus, I gain experience as a director each time I am involved with a show. I love it and I love the children. Actually, I just fall in love with the families that come and are involved with each of my shows. They are all awesome and helpful people.
So, after Kidsummer, I find myself with a dilemma... How am I going to top THAT? I have been presented with a few ideas. I would like to stay with the same theme of adaptations of Shakespeare, and have found a few different ones. Since they're 50 minutes, I think I'll do one of those for the summer show.
For next season's show, I think I might attempt another musical. Jane keeps bringing up Roar of the Greasepaint-Smell of the Crowd... It seems like a cool show, and I'm going to looking into it.

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How Great Thou Art

2010-02-22T10:02:00.000-08:00

Verse 1:

O Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder

Consider all the works Thy hands have made.

I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,

Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Refrain:

Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee;

How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee:

How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

Verse 2:

And when I think that God, His Son not sparing,

Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;

That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing,

He bled and died to take away my sin:

(Repeat Refrain.)

Verse3:

When Christ shall come with shouts of acclamation

And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart!

Then I shall bow in humble adoration,

And there proclaim, my God, how great Thou art!

(Repeat Refrain.)

Death is a cruel reality

2010-02-21T23:42:00.000-08:00

I cannot express the pain that everyone feels when losing a loved one. Everyone deals with it differently. As I stood in that hospital room surrounded by my aunt, uncles, and mother, along with most of their children and spouses, I felt mixed emotions. We all sat around my grandfather's body as it rested in his bed. We all cried at different intervals. I kept looking at my grandmother, who hadn't shed a tear. I know she will cry, and perhaps she already has. I just haven't seen it. I bawled. I couldn't help it. It is still a pain that I will have to cope with for some time. Grief is a terrible thing. I became more heart broken as my uncle Mike arrived with his family in tow. The three youngsters still have yet to grasp the harsh concept of death and loss, but my darling seven year old cousin Madison has recently become acquainted with it. Upon arrival, she was red faced and watery-eyed. My goal was to help her understand what would be happening this evening and what had happened to grandpa. It took her an hour to muster up the.... strength? Courage? I don't know what it was..... the... whatever to actually look at grandpa. The five year old, Grace, repeated her father's simplistic means of helping and said, "He just looks like he's sleeping, Madison." in her adorable lispy speech. I made several phone calls and received a multitude of texts messages over the course of the evening. We all did. I watched mom and uncle Rich both check their phones as much as I did. Man, Death is a cruel reality.
As I sit here now, alone with the exception of the sleeping form of my seven year old cousin stretched across my love seat, I relive that fresh pain of knowing my grandfather is gone and my grandmother has lost her husband and best friend. Part of me wishes I knew how she felt and what she was thinking. The other part of me wishes to never know, as it must be an emotion far worse than my own, which is terrible and heartbreaking as it is. Tomorrow, mom, Junia, and I will go over to my grandparents'-my grandmother's- and we shall begin the process of whatever it is one does during this time. I am almost terrified of what will happen over the next few days. I only know that I will say goodbye to my grandfather this week, and that is one awful conclusion. I wish everyone I know and everyone who reads this could have known John Dodrill and how wonderful he truly was. There will never be another person like him.
The viewing is Wednesday 2-4 and 6-8 at the Oliver-Cheek Funeral Home in Ashville. The Funeral is Thursday at 10 AM at the Village Chapel in Ashville. He will then be buried in Vinton County near his parents.

God bless you Grandpa.

A late night moment with Grandpa...

2010-02-17T23:11:00.000-08:00

It's about 1:30 AM. I have been here since 10:30 PM and shall stay until about 9:30 AM. I'm sitting on a hospital bed parallel to my grandfather. He is perpetually moaning and twitching in his sleep. Each time the nurse comes in to check on him or give him more medication, I have to gently wake him. It sucks. His eyes are bleary and red and don't completely grasp all the information their gaze captures. I try to ignore the random beeps and coughs that echo down the hall. I've become well aware of the constant ticking clock on the wall above me, indicating each second that goes by. I watch as my grandfather's hands, hands that have always been hard working and loving, now spell and sign out words in hallucinated conversations. Throughout his erratic movements he manages to slump against the plastic rail of the bed. I get up and gently move his head, adjusting his pillow so he has more cushion and a bit more comfort. He wakes up and smiles. I repeatedly ask him if he wants me to move the bed for more comfort. After a few failed attempts he grasps my message and nods. He finds a comfortable position and smiles, holds my hand, and doses back off into his drug induced unknown, leaving me to hold back the tears welling in my eyes. It's so hard to watch one of the strongest men of my life thrashing under the rule of medication and physical pain.
....
....
How much longer does he have, God? How much longer?

Another small realization of God's work in my life..........................

2010-02-07T21:08:00.000-08:00

One scripture that gets me the most is "Be still and know I am God." UGH! To me, that means "Chill out and know that I'm here; I'll take care of it." That speaks volumes to me, being impatient and always on the run. Lately, I've had so much crap piling on top of me that I had forgotten to stop and give it to God. In that moment moment when I finally realized the err of my ways, I stopped and shoved it off. I continued to try and pray, communicating with Him and allowing him to work through my crap for me. But, being stubborn, I kept going back to my issues, freaking out and stressing out and He kept telling me to just chill. "But what about my car? What about the costumes, rehearsals, tech, lighting, props and the programs for the play? What about Grandpa? What about my job?" SOOO many questions!!! He just keeps saying "BE STILL. I am here." So I've been trying to breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaathe and remember He never gives me more than I can handle. Isn't that interesting? He never gives us more than we can handle. That means whatever we're going through, we are guaranteed able to get through it as long as we trust in Him. The really funny thing is when I discover how he helps me, how he answers my prayers. It's never what is expected. And why not? He's GOD. He's a tricksey one, lol.
One thing that has really inspired me is the journey some really great people have been going through. I have had the pleasure and joy of knowing this wonderful family through RTP, the Warners. They and their kids have been involved with the past several children's shows and I've have gotten to know them and just love them. Over the past two years, Mark and Kris have been working through the adoption system in attempts to adopt a baby. At first their journey led them to Vietnam, and now to Taiwan, where they are so close to getting their baby boy, Samuel Isaac Chia-Shun. Their stories of this tedious and crazy journey are amazing and truly exhibit how God works in people's lives. I think everyone should check out their blog which a chronicle of each step they have taken. I'm so happy that they are going to get little Samuel in the beginning of March, and I cannot wait to finally meet this baby that has already touched so many hearts and lives, including mine. Mark and Kris' story is truly one of trusting in God and believing that He will deliver, especially in times when they didn't know where they were going to get money or answers.
http://warneradoption.blogspot.com/
I was interested to see what Samuel's Taiwanese name, Chia-Shun meant, so I looked it up. "Chia" means One who is born in the daylight or "surrounded by light". WOW. "Shun" means Speed; smooth, agreeable. Then I looked at Samuel and Isaac. "Samuel" means God heard, or asked of God; requested of God. "Isaac" means (This my favorite) Laughter or He will laugh.
Thank you God for blessing me with so much, and continuing to do so. Thank you for blessing me with friends who uplift when I feel down, and giving me the opportunity to do so in return. Thank you for all you've done with these situations. You know the needs and you know the perfect timing for all. Thank you. Please keep me and all who read this safe this week, and continue to reveal yourself to us as only you know how. Touch those who need to know you are there and use us to touch each other.
Amen.

One of my Musical Theatre Class songs: One Day

2010-02-06T12:07:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVtuMrsddrA

My small, unexpected moment with God

2010-01-18T13:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we sang a certain song during worship, "Praise is what I do." It's not my favorite worship song, but certain words in this song really got to me:

"I vow to praise you
Through the good and the bad
I'll praise you
Whether happy or sad
I'll praise you
In all that I go through"
...
"Know my circumstance
Doesn't even stand a chance!
Cause my praise outweighs the bad"

As I looked around the congregation, I realized I wasn't the only one being touched. For me, I've been struggling with myself, physically, emotionally, and financially, and with Grandpa John's steady decline in health. This past week, my car has, for whatever reason, decided to not start. It's been a trial.
After church, I spent the day with Josh until late. On my foggy way home, I decided to listen to the christian radio station, 104.9, instead of my usual CD101. My mind mulled over the various activities of the week, circling back around to the morning worship at church. I kept dwelling on "What am I going to do?" and felt more and more depressed. As I was sinking, I randomly thought about a certain Third Day song, and tried to remember the lyrics. Then, just as turned into the driveway and went to turn the car off, the song came on. Third Day's "Cry Out To Jesus." I lost it. all I could do was cry. It was one of those moments where God chooses the perfect moment to reveal himself to me. I cried and prayed through the entire song. It's all I could do. It was a wonderful and heartbreaking moment and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

CRY OUT TO JESUS by Third Day
To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

Chorus

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith and love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

Chorus

When your lonely (when you're lonely)
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who suffers from being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

Chorus

My warm fuzzy moment for the night....

2010-01-08T20:31:00.000-08:00

Tonight Josh and I went to one of our favorite restaurants, Yanni's, off of Cleveland Rd. If you couldn't guess, it's a Greek restaurant. It also rocks out loud. Anywhoo, we walked into the tiny diner and it was packed. We definitely weren't the only ones who thought Yanni's was the perfect choice for a snowy Friday evening. Our server was our regular, Matt. Matt is a really nice guy, and was cool as usual. Tonight he was a bit stressed with the rush and he seemed to be butting heads with the other server dude who is also usually a chill dude. As Josh and I were getting ready to go, I decided to leave a ten on the table with a small "Thanks!" written on a napkin. Josh had tipped five bucks on his credit card slip, but I felt compelled to leave Matt extra for whatever reason. We were almost out the door, shuffling through the waiting crowd at the door when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I look and it was Matt, saying, "That is the nicest thing anyone has done all day. Thank you." and gave me a hug. I smiled with "No problem." and walked out the door. I felt so awesome walking out that diner. I guess I must come to terms with the fact that I'll never truly be an evil mastermind. No more dreams of evil world domination. Shucks...

Stupid Ohio Laws

2010-01-03T10:49:00.000-08:00

In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker's stand, you can be fined $25.00.
Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
The Ohio driver's education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car. Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited.
Breast feeding is not allowed in public.
It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house.
It is illegal to mistreat anything of great importance.

No one may be arrested on Sunday or on the Fourth of July.
A police office can write you a ticket for leaving your keys in your car. But relax he will leave you a note when you can come get your keys back so long as you can prove it's your car and your key.
No person while operating a motor vehicle shall fail to slow down and stop said vehicle when signaled to do so upon meeting or overtaking a horse-drawn vehicle or person on horseback and to remain stationary until such vehicle or person has passed.
It is illegal to walk a cow down Lake Road. (Bay Village)
Ordinance number 223, of 09/09/19 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses. (Bexley)
If one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour. (Canton)
Power Wheels® cars may not be driven down the street. (Canton) It is a misdemeanor to play any game in a public park without the Superintendent's permission. (Canton)
Anal intercourse is banned. (Cincinnati)
Women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see reflections of their underwear. (Cleveland)
It's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license! (Cleveland)
Any person who leans against a public building will be subject to fines. (Clinton)
It is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday. (Columbus)
Items left on a tree lawn become city property. A young man was fined for removing an item from a tree lawn even though he had the owner's permission. (Fairview Park)
It's against the law to honk your horn "excessively". A grandmother was fined for honking her horn twice at her neighbor. (Fairview Park)
Cross-dressing is against the law. (Ironton)
Any map that does not have Lima clearly stated on the map cannot be sold. (Lima)
It is unlawful to run a horse over five miles per hour. (Lowell)
Your goose may not paraded down Main Street. (McDonald)
It is against the law to roller skate without notifying the police. (North Canton)
It's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. (Oxford)
A policeman may bite a dog to quiet him. (Paulding)
Throwing a snake at anyone is illegal. (Toledo)
You may not run out of gas. (Youngstown)
Riding on the roof of a taxi cab is not allowed. (Youngstown)
You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street.(Marion)
Catch 22 is banned. (Strongsville)

Yay inspiration!!!

2010-01-02T20:11:00.000-08:00

So, I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my classes this semester since LAST semester started.I've been wanting to integrate Sign Language into a performance since I think theatre is a great place to learn and I think a little Sign Language is good for anyone. Plus, like most anything, it's easy to learn if it's put to music. So, I keep hearing Matisyahu's on the radio and have just fallen in love with him. He is the best Reggae Hassidic Artist right now (Well, probably the only one). One song in particular, One Day, just makes me smile and I can't help but love it. I had an a-HA! moment recently when I realized I should marry the two, my desire for ASL in my MT classes and my love for this song, and create a performance piece for the kids to learn and, hopefully, perform in our recital in May. WOOT!
Unfortunately, I haven't really had any ideas as to what they could do with the song. I mean, yeah, they could SIGN along to the song, but you can't JUST sign to a song when you are performing. It has to flow, almost like a dance. THEN, tonight, as I laid miserable in my bed, listening to music and surfing my interwebs, I was abruptly inspired! Thank you, my Muse! The signs began to mesh together and blend together. I'm not uber savvy with ASL so I had to look up a few signs. After that, I was able to figure it out. DOUBLE WOOOOT! I am so pumped and I can't wait to get the kids started Tuesday. They are going to be excited to work on a new song and a new way of performing. :o)

The end is near!!!!

2009-12-29T23:41:00.000-08:00

So, the end is near. The end of 2009, that is. And what a year it was. In my last post of 2008, I wrote:
2008 was an active and productive year for lil Miss Tahrea, I must say.
And what of 2009?
I wonder what it holds...
I can expect several blunders of various sorts.
Theatrical happenings.
Many more friends and acquaintances...
More anger.
More laughter.
Maybe more love, which will more than likely result in more despite if I choose the wrong person.
Again.

I guess...
2009 will be more of the same...
and more.

I have to LOL as I read that because it was vague enough to be right on the money. Indeed, there were many new theatrical happenings, friends, emotions, and a whole lotta love. Let's reminisce for a moment....
Friends and Family:
-Josh and I started dating February 20th. Well, technically our first OFFICIAL date was the 26th, but the sparks started flying that first fateful night. Our relationship started in a theatre...
-Sam had Avalyn on April 4th, and I was there for it. What a night.
-Junia graduated High School in May.
- Madison turned 6 and started 1st Grade. Grace turned 4 and started Preschool. Nevaeh turned 2.
-Baby Zach was born on November 18th. A BOY!
-I gained several new friends and connections through my theatrical happenings, which leads me to...
Theatrical Happenings:
-I successfully completed Treasure Island, my first stint as a director.
-I became a reviewer with www.theatrevault.com.
-I finished my first year in May as Musical Theatre Instructor for the Charmion Performing Arts Center, and I began my second year in September.
-I successfully directed my second production, Dorothy Meets Alice.
-I was a last minute member of the Rosebriar Shakespeare Company's rendition of Midsummer Night's Dream, which rocked.
-I played Bianca in RSC's production of Taming of the Shrew.
-I had auditions and began the rehearsal process for my third show, A Kidsummer Night's Dream which is going up in February.
Randomness:
-Bea Arthur, Billy Mays, Brittany Murphy, David Carradine, Dom DeLuise, Ed McMahon, Edward Kennedy, Farrah Fawcett, Henry Gibson, James Whitmore, Jett Travolta, John Hughes, Les Paul, Michael Jackson, Mollie Sugden, Natasha Richardson, Patrick Swayze, Walter Cronkite, and many more all passed away. RIP, all.
-Dad was laid off.
-My grandfather has been fighting through his pancreatic cancer.
-We moved into our new house, although there are still some minor things that need to be taken from the old house.
-I began search for more opportunities to babysit and eventually become a nanny. Wouldn't that be cool?
-We started going to church again! Woot for Christian Life Fellowship!
- I finally got a better cell phone and a laptop.

2009 was a good year. I got a lot done. I added friends and added to my theatre resume. I found something more in my relationship with Josh. I reconnected with folks I never thought I'd talk to again. SO, what do I see for our new decade???? Truthfully, no idea. I guess I could be as vague as I was almost a year ago, predicting theatrical happenings, anger, laughter, friends, and love. I will say I hope, I HOPE 2010 brings a better financial situations, resolution to old issues, and a new car. I will predict more adventures with Josh and my family. My resolution is to continue down the path of eating and living healthier and embracing life more. Oh, and to find a way to control my anger. I'm sick of turning into the Hulk whenever I get mad. It's not fun.
But that's another story.

Happy New Year to you all!

What's eating THAT guy? Oh, his pet lion, Bongo.

2009-12-28T20:27:00.000-08:00

Recently, I came face to face with my newest pet peeve: People who wish to purchase or obtain wild or exotic animals for the purpose of having one as a pet. Oh yeah. Now, when my mother was a child, her father had a lot of dogs. Not all at once but over the span of her adolescences. One of their canine friends was, in fact, a wolf. This particular creature wasn't purchased or gained through connections. He actually followed mom home one evening as she rode home on her bike. He was cool enough and they kept him around. Strange but true. Swear. Whatever.
With the exception of Sigfried and Roy or exotic animal trainers, no one, NO average joe could present me with a valid and logical explanation as to why they want or NEED such a bizarre companion. I like to blame, who else, the Disney Empire. Thanks, Balto.
Don't get me wrong. I love animals, except snakes (even though they provide a special niche in the animal kingdom). I adore them. And I find such gorgeous predators as the wolf or cheetah or tiger to be awesome. And who doesn't love monkeys and chimps? Funny as the day is long. But, come on. That's the only reason anyone would really want one; because they're cool. I'm not saying it's not ok for kids to want strange and exotic pets. Imagination is a great thing. It's when these kids grow up and turn into irrational adults that I start to get irritated. Worse off, there are these people who actually go through with their childish desires and GET one. Then they wonder why all their other pets and children (Lord knows they have them) start disappearing. I mean, people around the world try to protect their children and livestock from vicious, WILD predators and some jaggoff in Whatsit, USA wants to open his home to a wolf. "Oh, we'll get a cub. That way, he'll be raised to be tame." BULL. That freaking wolf comes from generations of feral mentalities and urges that no training manual and living room kennel can suppress. Not even deer can be completely tamed, and they're retarded.
And what makes you, Joe Schmoe, so qualified of an individual to have such a pet? HUHMMM??? You work for an American based company doing something that comes nowhere near what could be considered animal training, and you want to bag a cheetah for the family Christmas card. You know what? Go ahead. Get your cheetah or wolf or chimp or whatever. Be THAT guy. Just be sure to keep it indoor so all the inevitable carnage can be soaked into your carpet and not disturb the neighbors and their measly dog who's presence doesn't pose a constant threat on their lives and communities.
GAH!

My favorite Simpsons moment

2009-12-27T17:34:00.001-08:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Star_Is_Burns http://www.snpp.com/episodes/2F31.html

Barney: Next, they're going to show _my_ movie.
  Bart: _You_ made a movie?
Barney: _I_ made a movie?  No wonder I was on the cover of
        "Entertainment Weekly".
-- Barney's short-term memory, "A Star is Burns"

Barney's movie is in black and white.  It opens with a shot of a Duff
beer bottle on a windowsill.  Gauzy white curtains billow around it as
the love theme from "M.  Butterfly" plays.  A hand grabs the bottle and
turns it upside down; the camera pans slowly down to reveal Barney's
lips on the other end of it.

The next shot shows Barney from above lying on a couch under the window.
As a voiceover, he says, "My name is Barney Gumbel.  I'm 40, I'm single,
and I drink."  The scene fades to a road where Barney lies in the
gutter, drinking another Duff, then lying down.  The Duff pours slowly
into a sewer grating.  "There's a line in `Othello' about a drinker:
`Now a sensible man, by and by a fool, and presently a beast.'  That
pretty well covers it."  The camera shows a time lapse view of clouds
moving during the day, which turns to night, then back to day again.
Barney has become an old man, bald, toothless, still lying in the same
gutter.  A tear leaks from his eye.

A woman watching the movie is moved.

 Woman: It's brilliant: savagely honest, tender...he has the soul of a
        poet.
Barney: You're very kind.
 Woman: Excuse me, did something crawl down your throat and die?
Barney: It didn't die!
-- Methinks the man doth protest too much, "A Star is Burns"

Back on the screen, Barney sits in a chair and says, "My name is Barney
Gumbel, and I'm an alcoholic."  The camera pulls back to reveal several
similarly-attired girls.  Lisa says, "Mr. Gumbel, this is a Girl Scout
meeting."  Barney asks, "Is it?  Or is it that you girls can't admit you
have a problem?"

The scene fades to a playing record player, then back to Barney on the
couch, a rose held to his nose.  "Don't cry for me," he narrates, "I'm
already dead."  He puts the rose in the Duff bottle on the windowsill;
its petals fall off slowly, and the curtain billows in front of it as
"Fin" appears.

(I can't find an English version of this video, but this is the clip... In Italian.... :0/ )

The Diva is Doomed.

2009-12-26T21:00:00.000-08:00

The diva surrounds herself
with friends and emotion,
always fearing time spent alone,
for there the truth finds her.
The diva smiles for the crowd
Below the act,
Below the diva's stage,
her foundation is crumbling.
The diva covers her pain and troubles
with makeup and band-aids.
The diva's unrelenting ability
to destroy is her downfall.
The diva is tortured by the demons
she has created.
The diva has no room for clothes
in her closet, full of skeletons.
The diva has compromised her life,
her emotions,
her relationships.
The diva is now haunted by her mistakes,
yet continues to fail her loved ones.
One day the diva will discover true loneliness.
She will discover the bottom of the empty bottle.
No script will save her speech
when all charisma is sucked away from her eyes.
No role will spare her from real emotion.
No revival will save the diva's soul.

I love snow.I love Christmas. I hate moving.

2009-12-19T20:47:00.001-08:00

Today brought real snow. The kind that sticks to the ground, blanketing my world. Ah, many cheers to God for setting the stage for the next few days. According to the Weather Channel app on my phone, we citizens of Ashville should expect snow on the long expected day of Christmas as well! Lord knows Bing Crosby isn't the only one dreaming of a white Christmas. I can't remember the last time it really snowed on Christmas. SIGH...
On another note, I am 99.9% finished shopping and wrapping all of my gifts. I FINALLY received a gift for mom I ordered online and made haste in getting it wrapped up and labeled. I'm not completely 100% there as I have yet to decide whether or not to get an additional gift for a basket I've made up. I am running out of time! Decision making during the holidays... Not for the faint of heart.
Man, I have reached that moment where I can relax my mind a bit and not worry anymore about the Christmas chaos that is rapidly approaching. HOWEVER, I have yet to reach said euphoria in the moving department. This glorious gust of snow has muddled certain plans of moving large items. Argh. And I have yet to finish gathering up all wanted items and disposing of those that will not make the journey across the yard. I hate moving. Whatever plans I make in the near future, I will not be moving for quite some time. Ugh.

Boycott the Newsboys (It's for a good cause)

2009-12-15T08:45:00.000-08:00

Info regarding the songs stolen by the Newsboys from local Columbus band, Reconciled:
The Newsboys recorded the song "This is who I am," originally written and recorded soley by Reconciled.
Go to the promo page for Winter Jam 2010. On that page, there is a video promo for the concert, and the Newsboys clip is them singing this S T O L E N song!
I am not sure about copyright issues now with the Newsboys, but I have the original (Reconciled version) on my computer, and have had it for MONTHS! I can not post it with this note...
The story is, as it has been passed on to me, that Reconciled recorded the song at the same studio where Newsboys record, with the same duo that is composing the Newsboys new album.
Legal definition of song is melody and lyrics; while working with the team, Reconciled's melody and lyrical content that was not created in studio, is being taken by newsboys.
The band ultimately had to break up, and before doing so did not have the opportunity to copyright the song for themselves, though they put forth the money and creativity for studio time.
I have not yet had opportunity to examine the inside cover of the CD, but am willing to bet that Reconciled is not given any credit for writing the song. There is a portion of the original recording that is left out of the Newsboys version.
It is sad that this is what christian musicians can do to other christians.
here is the link to see Newsboys perform the song in the video promo for the tour,

http://www.hearitfirst.com/winterjam/default.aspx
you can also hear the reconciled Recording
http://www.facebook.com/reconciledband?v=app_6917629807&ref=ts

stress, good and bad

2009-12-02T15:34:00.000-08:00

Ugh.
After all this time, I've finally begun to get into the holiday spirit. It's finally feeling like Christnas time. Junia and I have begun to start discussing our 5th annual Christmas party. Mom is pulling out cookie recipes. And the shopping is well underway. Oh, the shopping. Ugh. I truly love getting gifts for my loved ones, knowing they'll really appreciate them, and I love the sense of accomplishment when I have purchased everything and wrapped them up. Too bad I have yet to reach this certain sense of holiday nirvana. On top of this is the added stress of getting ready for this fantastic children's show Junia and I have found ourselves with. Oh, and this new sickness which has suddenly afflicted me. Again I say ugh. But I remain somewhat optimistic about the shopping. I shall get it all done. I will! And the stress over the show is a good stress, driving my mind down the path of focus. Everything will come together. I found a pianist in darling Yvonne, which was my biggest freakout. Everything else will come together.
*SIGH*
Too bad there is NOTHING optimistic about being sick.

song lyrics keeping me awake... (it's a possible work in progress)

2009-11-30T19:57:00.000-08:00

...so don't ask me if I'm happy
'Cause you know the answer
Isn't good
And don't try to make me smile
Knowing I can only do so for you
But when you leave me
I know where you're going
And I know you
Can never
Be mine

It's getting late
Well passed midnight
And I've gotta few things
On my mind
But they'll wait til later
As long as you're here
By me
Oh, I know
I know you've gotta get going
Someone's calling you back home

Don't ask me if we're happy
You already know that answer
You already know
You already know
And I'll kiss you
Despite the lump in my throat
And the pain in my heart
Oh, I know you can never
Be mine

ugh... agony

2009-11-28T19:36:00.000-08:00

I can't escape old memories.
Your face lingers from my dreams.
My heart aches.
My mind is swimming.
My eyes are red.
I can't drink you away.
I can't pretend you don't exist.
And where are you?
Living in another world..
.

to err is human...

2009-11-18T21:37:00.000-08:00

We all have our moments of sheer stupidity,little events that we allow to take place, embracing them in the moment, only to later regret them.
This experience of regret or disappointment may erupt immediately or it may simmer for years before boiling over.
And then what?
How does one cope?
How do you cope?
Do you mull it all over?
Ignore it?
Wallow in self hate?
Or do you own up to it, whether to yourself or others, and move on?
I believe everything happens for a reason, but not so much that God or Satan is behind every action.
We are given the free will to make our decisions and create our own situations.
So, really, when you reflect on all of the not-so-great things you've done, realize that you did them for a reason.
Sure, it probably wasn't a great reason, but it happened.
And life still carries on.
So, friends, my advice to you is to make peace within and work towards moving on.
And don't live with this cloud of regret.
People waste time focusing on their regrets.
That's a heavy burden.
I'm done a lot of really stupid things in my time, and I've regretted some more than others.
But then I decided to just chalk it up to experience.
If your life were that of a D and D character, each moment like these could be an added experience point or plus 5 for experience, or something like that...
Whatever.
The point is this: don't carry your regrets too long.
Let it go.
And if you find it all keeps building up on you, stop doing stupid things.

slightly sad news

2009-11-17T17:28:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, we shall not be able to perform in Lancaster.
It sucks.
A lot.
I hate feeling the let down.
Not so much for myself, but for the new folks in the show.
It sucks.
But we're going to all get together at Danielle's house Saturday.
I will admit, I'm going to really miss this cast.
If you didn't get to see the show,you missed a great group people.
Ugh.
However...
I look forward to performing with every one of the members of the Shrew cast.
Sigh...
At least we'll have another evening together...
:o)

Let's go raise cane at the Table!!!!!!

2009-11-16T17:01:00.000-08:00

Hey, I've got an idea!
Let's walk into the Tuscan Table and tell them I'm bringing 17 other people, no reservation.
Ooh, and let's count 12 kids into that number.
Oh, let's do this at 11:30 am on a Monday.
Oh!!
Let's freak out when our food takes a long time to get to our table, even though we're CLEARLY not the only table in the middle of the LUNCH RUSH.
OOH OOOOH!
Let's let our children throw food particles about the restaurant and let our particularly pudgy child run amok in the building, almost knocking over the serving staff.
Oh, let's attempt to NOT pay our bill, blaming the completely incompetent staff for not catering to our outrageous demands.
Oh, and let's tell the helpful waitress that we know it's not her fault, and then tip her LESS than 10%.
Just because.
Ooh, and let's freak out on everyone as we leave, pissed because we actually had to pay, leaving a half wrecked dining room in our torrential wake.
Yeah.
Let's do that.
That'll make their day.

The evening of interesting events....

2009-11-13T06:58:00.000-08:00

Last weekend we performed for over 100 people in Town Hall.
Not too shabby.
All comments presented to cast and crew have been those of praise and admiration.
I am pleased that I have received a few comments on my performance, my favorite coming from Richard Barch (Who seems to know what he's talking about when it comes to theatre).
He basically said he's never seen Bianca played so three dimensional before.
That made me smile.
Others have said it's the best rendition/version of Shrew that they've seen in quite some time or EVER.
I'll just say our show is ROCKING.
I truly appreciate everyone who has come out to see us and I really look forward to seeing faces in the audience tonight.
Last night, we had a VERY interesting speed through in the Alumi Hall of the Groveport Elm. School.
LOL
It was something.
I'll decline from posting any details.
Please approach any given cast member for their own unique experience as everyone had several last night...
But the space is gorgeous and there's not a bad seat in the house.
Tonight and tomorrow night we will be performing at 7:30 pm.

After tonight's performance most of the cast is heading over to the Birch Tavern for KARAOKE.
LOL!
If anyone feels brave enough to join us, please do.
It shall be an evening of interesting events...

UGH.

2009-11-10T19:00:00.000-08:00

You know you are truly lost when search for the truth in the darkness.
Always reaching, never touching.
Every relationship is an excuse to abuse.
Your smiles are tools to reel in those weak enough to believe.
Each words is a potential dagger.
Each glance a curse.
You are a monster.
The enticing moments you do find are short and tragic.
You find that you merely hate yourself more than time before.
You are truly alone.
You can never look yourself in the eye.
You are truly lost within yourself.

How heavy is your soul today???

2009-11-09T06:23:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had a thought, a moment, a day, a situation, a conversation, SOMETHING that happened to you or in your life that just weighed you down?
I mean, initially, it happens and your first reaction is "Meh, whatever."
But then, you start to mull things over.
You begin to think over and over, dissecting every detail.
And you suddenly feel as though your soul itself weighs several pounds.
So you try to ignore it.
You try to brush it off, hoping it will go away.
But it doesn't.
Instead you wake up the next day and this issue weighs so heavily on your soul, you swear you feel shorter, smaller.
Does it eventually go away?
Perhaps.
Maybe you finally break free and forget about it.
Maybe you pray and work it out.
Or...
Maybe it stays with you like an old scar, an eternal reminder that will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Only time will tell.

As humans we are trapped.
Trapped in our minds.
Trapped in ourselves.
We cannot escape from
what we love
what we hate
what we fear
and what we accept.
As humans we are faithful.
As humans we cheat.
We run for safety.
We run for love.
We run from love.
We run from trouble.
We hide in the darkness.
We seek the light.
We torment ourselves
and we torment others.
As humans we exist.
As humans we cease to be.
We encourage.
We discourage.
We enlighten.
We deceive.
We are lovers.
We are fighters.
We build.
We crumble.
We rebel.
We embrace.
We attempt to release
but never let go.
As humans we are trapped.

The dark world.... (oooooooooooooooh....)

2009-11-08T17:00:00.000-08:00

Dark lights and loud music...
the mixture of cologne and alcohol...
emotion mingles with the lingering laughter...
Silhouettes dancing to a beat beyond the radio...
The clink of glass resonates through this hazy dimension...
The slur of conversation presents renewed needs to guzzle down the cheap elixir of forgotten morals and delayed regret...
Somewhere in this realm, relationships are thrown away...
Temptation lingers on the edge of every thought, thriving on hormones and desperation...
Each word is an innuendo...
Each sentence a false promise...
And somehow, those who know of the sin and darkness of this world always return...

Why I really hate when other women take away my power.....

2009-11-06T06:07:00.000-08:00

One of the things I pride myself in is not being weak.
What I mean is as a person, as woman, I am strong.
I know who I am and I know for what I stand.
Having been raised by a man hating amazon who has been screwed over by men most of her life, I have learned certain lessons.
That's why it should be no surprise to anyone that I don't play the damsel in distress role very well.
I also don't like people to view as weak because I'm a woman.
With this said, you will understand the following story.
The night before last, a group of gents from the Table removed our broken deli case.
HIZZAH!
However, they left a pretty nasty floor behind.
Not-so-hizzah.
So, when I came into work yesterday, I volunteered to scrub the floor.
Which I did.
And it's beautiful now, thank you very much.
;o)
We felt sorta naked up there with no barrier between our area of the kitchen space, and the front door.
Jennifer then told us that she wanted us to bring a conference table up from the basement to place with the deli case once was.
No problem.
Angie and Yvonne actually went down to get the table but decided to wait until one particular guest had left, as bringing up the table would've meant taking the poor dude out cold.
So they waited.
Once he left, I said I would help one of them with the table, carrying it up and placing it where it needed to be.
No problem.
We moved the tables in our path out of the way.
We cleared the floor where we were going to put said table.
A few minutes later, I went to the basement door to get into position when I see our darling dishtank dude hauling the hulk up the stairs by himself.
I was pissed.
I asked him why he was doing so and he told me that the other server, with whom we really hadn't discussed the whole table moving thing, had told him that HE needed to move the table.
I was really pissed.
I informed him, NICELY, that we fully intended on getting it ourselves, to which he sighed and allowed me to help him the rest of the way.
Yvonne and I then placed the table where it needed to be and I angrily informed her what dear Lance had told me.
She scowled.
ARGH.
A little later, I asked the other server why she had sent Lance on our daring mission.
She said, "Oh, I got the MAN to do it, so you girls didn't have to."
ARGHARGHARGHARGHARGH!!!!!!
I nearly lost my mind, but simply walked away.
The MAN????
Granted, Lance may be stronger than I, no problem.
BUT, he had things he needed to do, and we had told Jennifer WE were going to move it.
I was mondo pissed.
The MAN.
PUH.

The moral of this story?
If I need someone else's help, I'll ask or graciously accept or decline if help is offered.
Until then, don't assume I can't do it.
ARGH.

My embarrassing moment at work...

2009-11-05T06:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I really love working at the Table.
I get to interact with reeeeeeeeeeally interesting folks and I my co-workers are prety boss.
I like to watch the people who come in and, sometimes, learn interesting stuff about them.
Yesterday, two older gentlemen came in and were seated.
As I was going about my side work, I overheard their conversation about baseball.
(I think it was baseball.)
Anyways, they made me smile because their conversation was so relaxed, so casual I almost expected a chess board to appear between them.
Overall, I love the Table.
Until something mondo embarrassing takes place.
Like yesterday.
*SIGH*
SO, Tuesday, Yvonne and I were discussing Youtube videos and I wrote down a few titles from this canadian comedian that I had discovered recently, Jon Lajoie.
Funny stuff.
I folded the paper when I handed it to her because some of the song titles aren't the most workplace appropriate, but all is explained away once you watch the videos.
I later logged on to facebook to find that Darling Yvonne wrote on my facebook, saying she left the list at work and needed the name again.
Not a problem.
WELL...
Yesterday, in the midst of my side work, I trekked over to JR Hooks to get some to-go cups.
When I came back into the Table, I saw Jennifer, Angie, and Yvonne huddled around this piece of paper.
As I approached, I saw that this piece of paper was, in fact, the one I handed Yvonne the day before.
The absolute horror didn't strike until Angie told me that this list of ours was found by one of the guests in the dining room.
THEN my heart stopped.
I looked at Jennifer and, in a flood of words and worries, quickly explained the innocence of the situation and why I had written down these particular titles.
Luckily, it was Angie's cousin who found the list and, LUCKILY, Jennifer said we were to play it off as though it had come from a guest.
*DOUBLESIGH*
That was a bittersweet relief as I was still mondo embarrassed.
The moral of this story?
IF it isn't workplace appropriate, wait to post it on Facebook.

(BTW, I apologize to anyone who was expecting a boob-related mishap. )

Tech Week

2009-11-03T20:24:00.000-08:00

Ah, Tech Week.
Another Tech Week.
Ah....
Last night we explored the First half of the Show.
Tonight was the Second half.
Tomorrow shall be a brisk stab at the show in its entirety.
Hmmm...
Could be interesting.
I can't believe we're only four days away from opening night.
I mean, Auditions were in the end of August.
We've come all this way in a blink of an eye.
I don't think, as long as I'm in theatre and am doing shows, that I'll ever be able to get over this feeling.
This feeling of...
WHERE did the time go?
Where did the rehearsals go?
I guess I'm grateful we're running three weekends instead of two.
It gives me a chance to spend more time with this awesome cast and crew.
One terrifying thought is right after this show ends, my show begins.
AGH!
Can't think about that right now, though.
I'll completely flipped.
lol

For now I must focus on staying alive and healthy and being on top of my lines, my character, and not messing up, all of which is a job in and of itself.

Pray for all of us.

My grandpa John

2009-10-26T11:23:00.000-07:00

Today we found out my grandfather only has a few months to live.
His pancreatic cancer has spread to his liver.
He cannot do anymore treatment and hospice starts tomorrow.
My overall emotion is sadness, mixed with slight anger.
One of my first thoughts when I heard this news was that I, being the oldest grandchild, had hoped all of my grandparents would see me get married and have a child or two, their first great grandchildren.
That kinda hurts more than anything.
I've been dealing with random spurts of tears for the past couple of hours, and I'm sure this will continue as time passes.
Our goal as a family is to make sure this Holiday season is the best we can make it, for grandpa's sake.

I as for prayers for my grandparents as they figure out financial and living arrangements, and for comfort in these last few months.

I'm not sure how things are going to go, but we'll try to make everything as smooth as possible.

God, give us strength and peace.

Me singing "Joey"

2009-10-18T19:35:00.000-07:00

Last week.........................

2009-10-11T19:25:00.001-07:00

I realized I haven't written a blog in a while now.
I kinda suck.
But here I am.
Ha.
....
...
..
.
Anyways...
So, the show is going really well.
I love the cast.
I love the characters.
Danielle is a great director.
I love working with her and she has so many great ideas for the characters and the show, but she allows us to explore our characters and discover who "we" are for ourselves.
Like...
Bianca.
She is a pretty terrible person.
She is spoiled.
She is conniving.
She is quite......
Lusty.
Kate is the only person who recognizes the true person underneath the masquerade she flaunts.
Bianca, essentially, is the kind of woman I want to beat.
HOWEVER...
It is delicious to play this role.
lol
The show is going to be awesome.

In other, tragic news, my grandfather's pancreatic cancer has spread to his liver.
Yeah.
It sucks.
A lot.
Prayer is pretty much all we can do.
The doctors are going to do a biopsy in a couple of weeks to see how bad it is.
No matter how extreme, it sucks.

I can only imagine how this week is going to go...

I smell your cologne as you leave the room
and insult to injury it lingers on my skin
Your eyes twinkle as you smile
cynical glances tell me you don't care
a careless wave breaks my heart
and I slowly die again.

God bless you, Brother Harry

2009-09-20T10:41:00.000-07:00

What a day.
For folks who don't go to church, what I mean may sound strange, but today was one of those services where I was touched by the music and message to the point of tears.
I was swept up in peace and just couldn't contain it.
It was pretty awesome.
Then, we received news that one of the greatest men I have ever had the joy of knowing passed away while we were in church.
He wasn't there, and there was a note in the bulletin about his health.
He has been fighting cancer and was physically dwindling away, so it wasn't a shock.
For some reason, when I read the bulletin and realized he wasn't there, I knew it was time.
And then, when I realized his family members that were there were slowly leaving one by one, and I saw tears, I knew it had happened.
Junia and I both did.
I began to cry again when the guest speaker, Pastor Walter, announced that Brother Harry had gone to be with the Lord.
Pastor Clayton said we should celebrate Brother Harry's life and celebrate how he had touched our lives.
I've known this man since I was a kid.
As my family was one of the first families to start the church, I knew Brother Harry and his family.
I've always loved them.
It's saddening that one of the great Warriors of God is gone.
One of the great and inspiring men in the church body, and in my life, is gone.
Two or three weeks ago, he approached my grandfather, who is also weak with disease, and he prayed for my grandfather.
I cried then, watching these two frail but powerful men pray together.
Fighting the emotions of sadness and wishing amazing people like them would stay and continue to existed with us, I realize they suffered and then release into what is so unknown to us is peace, whatever the extent.
As a Christian, I believe that Brother Harry has gone to Heaven.
If anyone deserves to go to Heaven, it is most certainly that man.
Still, I cry.
His family cries.
Church family members will cry.
It's all a part of life, as I've been told before.
It sucks and it doesn't.
It makes me thankful that I do believe in God.
I find peace in that death isn't the final step in our existence.

So, I pray for Brother Harry's family.
May they each find peace in this situation, through their mourning and through their being together and supporting each other.
Amen.

Theatre excitement.

2009-09-15T06:40:00.000-07:00

Last night was the first rehearsal of the Taming of the Shrew cast.
The cast is hilarious and everyone is going to play their parts so well.

Sean Arata: Page/Joseph/Pedant
David Artrip: Player/Lucentio
Tenara Calem: Player/Tranio
Steve Emerson: Sly/Petruchio
Rudy Frias: Servant/Hortensio
Anne Grove: Player/Servant/Curtis/Widow
Harlow Keith: Huntsman/Gremio
Britt Kline: Player/Katherina
Junia Maynard: Player/Biondello/Nicholas
Tahrea Maynard: Player/Bianca
Jason Newsome: Player/Grumio
Krista Threadgill: Hostess/Handmaiden/Sugarsop
Richard Wilson: Lord/Baptista

Director: Danielle Mari
Assistant Director: Daniel Smail
Stage Manager/Production Manager: Lynn Moyer
Dramaturge: Molly St. Cyr-Reid

Performances Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays, November 6-22.
I'm really pumped to get into the role of Bianca.
I like Danielle's take on this character.
Normally she's played as the sweet innocent younger sister who truly doesn't do any wrong.
My version of the role will be this girl who milks it for all its worth.
She essentially is a brat.
I think of Veruca Salt, only older and with a sex drive.
Danielle wants me to watch Gone with the Wind.
Vivien Leigh's character is supposed to give me some sort of inspiration.
Having never seen the movie, I don't know exactly what to expect but I trust Danielle's judgement.
And I like being able to see where the director is coming from.
:o)
I just can't wait to get started.

Patrick Swayze.
I pray you are in a better place.

Restaurant woes.... and a slight rant

2009-09-05T18:28:00.000-07:00

As most people who know me... know, I work at the Tuscan Table.
Now, I like my job.
I love the folks I work with, and, for the most part, I like most of the patrons who come in and dine in our fine restaurant.
BUT, I've gotta rant about something that has been bugging me all day.
Sometimes folks (maybe someone like yourself) enter a restaurant, sit down at their table, and proceed to receive terrible service.
Or their server is just unpleasant.
Or the experience overall is unpleasant.
For whatever reason, said patron may feel the need to NOT leave a tip, or (And, personally, this is worse) they leave a PENNY.
If the server sucks or is just a total tool, that is somewhat understandable.
However, I entreat you to sit back and try and empty your mind of any negative or heated emotion long enough to try and figure out if the situation warrants NOT tipping your server.
After all, this individual does work for tips.
Maybe it wasn't their fault the food was undercooked or not cooked to your liking or even late in arriving to your table.
I'd say, speaking as a patron and not a server, if they try and make it right and appease you, leave them at least a dollar or two.
Please.
I know I said previously that I was going to rant, but it isn't specifically about the above mentioned situations.
What I want to rant about is a related topic that bristles my metaphoric haunches worse than anything else....
IF your server has done everything right, delivered your food, made sure your drinks are filled sufficiently, checked on you and your table, and you leave them NO tip, you....
You just aren't a nice person.
I can almost understand if the restaurant is packed and the server hasn't met your personal standards of table visits and drink refills, but if you are clearly one of only a handful of tables and, at the end of your visit you are sufficiently full of drink and food and you are still in a good mood, you should leave some sort of tip.
AND a penny doesn't cut it.
Once again, if you have the gall to leave a penny as a tip, just keep your copper.
It's an insult.
And it doesn't reflect on you as an individual, especially if you come in and do it more than once.
We at the Table have experienced this strange phenomenon a number of times, unfortunately.
However, this is a universal thing for any server in any restaurant.
Just... try and be kind to your server.
It'll be appreciated and reciprocated.
Please and thank you.
:o)

I wanna elect a 5 year old for president in 2012!

2009-08-28T08:09:00.000-07:00

I, with my ever churning mind, had a random thought that has led to several thoughts related to (yet just as random as) the original thought.
As I was taking a shower this morning, part of the theme song from Borat (yep, the Kazakhstan National Anthem) was going through my head.
"Kazakhstan is greatest country in world.
All other countries run by little girls."
That second line caught my attention.
"run by little girls."
And I thought to myself, what's wrong with that?
Then I thought, it wouldn't be much different from how things are now.
Think about it:
Little girls control the people around them.
Depending on the age, these tiny humans have the potential to manipulate total strangers.
Think about the last time you saw a cute little girl you didn't know, and she smiled at you.
I bet you smiled back, felt all warm and fuzzy inside, maybe even thought "Aw, what an adorable little girl."
A smile.
A giggle.
Or worse, a high five or hug.
That's all it takes.
"I'm showing you affection and it makes you smile."
Now think about this:
When a little girl finds opposition from another little girl, say a stolen doll or cookie, what does the former little girl usually do?
She either cries, takes the stolen treasure back, hits the thief, or any combination of the three.
Or...
Or this little girl will cry until SOMEONE ELSE, say mommy or daddy, gets the perloined play thing and brings it back.
The crying made mommy or daddy work for her.
How are these things not like any given country's actions now????
Being charismatic to strangers, manipulating people,those closest to us and total strangers, vengeful or sneaky tactics.
I say let little girls run the country.
I think they'd get things done.
Then we can all come together with our favorite toys and have an epic tea party.
I'll bring the scones.

Who wants to be a nanny????? (me!!!) part 2

2009-08-27T05:53:00.000-07:00

Still nothing on the nanny front.
I found out the CPR and First Aid classes at the Red Cross in Circleville are the
8th, 9th, and 10th.
Each class is $40.
Argh.
Luckily, I just need the two classes for First Aid and the infant to 10 yr. old CPR.
That's only $80.
Argh.

I just applied for another babysitting/nanny position.
We'll see how it goes.

Patience in agony.

2009-08-25T06:27:00.000-07:00

http://www.prevention.com/blastbellyfat/2.html
So the second day of auditions went well, despite the fact that only two chicks showed up.
Danielle said she's auditioning a couple of more folks today since they couldn't be there last night or Saturday.
Now that I've experienced the standpoints of actor and director, I can't help but laugh at the split view I get in situations like this one.
For instance, an actor who filled a directing position would hear the above statement and might feel that this extra day is unfair to those who showed up.
However, as a director, I know that sometimes some of the actors who wish to audition for your show may not be able to make it to the audition dates, and ask ahead of time for a make up day of sorts.
I had such an incident with Wizard of Wonderland.
It happens.
Another comical difference between the actors and director is the time between auditions and announcing the cast list.
Danielle said she would contact all of us folks who auditioned and let everyone know who got what on Friday.
So, between probably AFTER today and Friday Danielle will take this time to deliberate and decide who to cast and where to put the actors she wishes to cast.
Meanwhile, the hopeful actors who auditioned (Junia and I included) must wait, not sure of what these next few weeks will bring us.
We wait and wait and wait and wait, wishing we could just KNOW.
She NEEDS this time.
We HATE the wait.
This is one small comedic part of real life theatre.
I love it.
To be completely honest, I would LOVE to know my fate, whether or not I got a part and if I did, who.
You know.
But the director inside knows I have to be patient and not wish to rush things.
So I must be patient.
*SIGH*

See?
A split personality is a good thing.

Frustration!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-24T06:12:00.000-07:00

So, I'm despising myself right about now.
For some reason, in my old age of 22, I seem to be unable to function after midnight.
I also cannot function in the mornings following evenings where I somehow slip past midnight before finally drifting off into my dream world.
It's only mildly aggravating.
I wake up only to begin hating the world and resenting the fact that I have to go to work.
I'm a very unpleasant person in the morning.
I'm also perturbed because I have yet to get a nanny gig.
I've had a few moms call or talk with me about babysitting, but nothing concrete.
Argh.
I am currently in the process of running a background check on myself on sittercity.com to prove that I am an upstanding citizen and can take care of whomever is placed within my charge.

Trying to focus on better news, auditions went well on Saturday.
Junia and I were the only gals to show up, so we read quite a bit, which is always a blast.
We're heading back this evening.
Even though we already auditioned on Saturday, I like to go to auditions each day they are held.
It give the director a chance to pair the actors up with different people.
That's what I always suggest to the actors who audition for my shows anyways...

Kings Island....

2009-08-20T03:45:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 5:50 am this morning.
I WOKE UP.
I purposely set my alarm clock to wake me up at 5:50 AM.
Why?
Because we're going to Kings Island.
YEP.
Mom, dad, Ju, Josh, Tyler, Devon, and I are all going to spend the day in an amusement park.
For that, I am excited.
The fact that I had to get up at 5:50?
Not so much....

Who wants to be a nanny????? (me!!!)

2009-08-12T16:18:00.000-07:00

So I officially registered with nannies4hire.com.
Now I have to wait for them to review my profile and whatnot and hope they post me.
I'm currently filling out info for sittercity.com and enannysource.com.
AUGH!
It's only slightly unnerving.....

Check out my latest review for theatrevault.com

2009-08-08T21:12:00.000-07:00

www.theatrevault.com
CCT sets CINDERELLA to a new beat
Columbus Children’s Theatre opened August 5th with Cinderella: A Hip Hop Fairytale. True to its title, CCT’s Cinderella is a Hip Hop musical that has several elements of the classic fairytale but with many modern twists. Main character Annabelle (Meredith A. Zahn) is a 21st century 16-year-old Cinderella archetype. Though she has been blessed and destined by angels with a beautiful singing voice, Annabelle is forced by her evil aunt Priscilla (Maggie Pfeifer) to hide it. A young audience member’s overheard statement truly describes this matriarch’s demeanor: “She’s not nice!” Priscilla and her two daughters Vanessa and Skye (Lucy Porter and Carolyn LaLonde) play off of each other quite well as their characters relentlessly torment poor Annabelle, singing such songs as “Green Makes Us Blue” and “How to Be a Loser.”
Annabelle soon finds herself delighted to be surrounded by her four Guardian Angels, Eeney (Kristen Hosty), Meeny (Gabby Pedroza), Miney (Kyle Moore), and Mo (Jacob Briggs). Juxtaposed to the family’s constant malice, these four characters’ kind-heartedness set audience members smiling as they serenade Annabelle with a special “Happy Birthday Song” and “We Got Ya Back.” Though the angels worked well together, the pacing in their opening scene did drag slightly as the jokes, jabs, and puns were flying. Well worth the note, Moore’s hilarious antics as the goofy clown Miney send ripples of side splitting laughter throughout the theatre as Briggs’ adorably charming Mo is sure to touch hearts.
This production boasts a cast of 25+ actors, most of whom play multiple roles, all of which do a wonderful job of both dancing and singing. This reviewer notice a few supporting actors who, in their own way, stood out in their multiple roles. First are the darling Kate Coley and Gabrielle E. Marie Wilson who work well together as Record Label Representatives. Their timing and banter are met with several peals of laughter.
Later on, Coley, Lauren Mae Livingstone and Bailey Laws parody American Idol Judges Simon, Paula, and Randy (or, in this case, Brandy), adding their own touches to the recognizable characteristics of all three of the actual judges. Another actor who caught this reviewer’s eye was Briana Hunter. Hunter is a delightful young gal who shines in each of her roles, most of all as Nicky, one of the American Icon contestants, as she urges the audience to applaud her entrance and then sing along to her rendition of “ABC Song.”

Whether the actors are portraying are dancers, angels, or bears, all of the costumes are believable and suit the characters and situations. Both Patty Bennett and Angela Barch should be proud of their wonderful costuming.
As the production is set as a ¾ thrust, the set is minimal yet perfect for the production. One common yet unfortunate effect from such staging is most audience members may miss some of the action as they cannot properly see the actors’ faces or hear their lines. Such was the case within a few scenes during this show. Though all of the performers did well in their roles, they should always remember to keep their voices up and open up to the audience whenever possible.

Written by Matt Johnson and Directed by Angela Barch, CCT’s Cinderella: A Hip Hop Fairytale is an adorable musical this reviewer recommends for ages 3 to adults. Small children and infants may not be able to tolerate the 75+ minute duration of this production.
Cinderella: A Hip Hop Fairytale Runs August 5th- 16th. All seats are $10. Show times are 10 am Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays, 7:30 pm on Fridays, and 3 pm on Saturdays and Sundays. For ticket information, visit colschildrenstheatre.org or call 614-224-6672.

Ready to have your mind blown away? Read this!

2009-08-07T11:57:00.000-07:00

HEY YOU!
Got an empty feeling inside?
Feeling lonely?
Depressed?
Unwanted?
Not needed?
Most people try to drown these negative feelings with food, alcohol, money, sex, and the occasional Deity of their choosing.
How about a CAT?
That's right, a nice fuzzy, living creature that will give your life a purpose.
Lonely?
A cat's presence will sure take those blues away.
Depressed?
I dare you to watch a kitten frolick and not smile.
Unwanted?
A cat's favorite scratching post is the human leg.
Not needed?
HAH!
Who's going to feed, water, and change the cat litter box?
Looks like Fluffy NEEDS someone.
If you're hungry, go to Wal-mart and get some noms.
While you're there, get some chow for Snickers.
Thirsty?
How about sharing a nice pour of water with your newfound feline friend?
And who needs a Deity?
You'll be so busy devoting your time, emotions, and money to Fuzzbum, you'll think you're already at church.
Now you may be asking yourself, "A cat would be awesome, but where could I find such a fantastical creature to fulfill my life of sadness?"
NOT TO WORRY!
I have 13, THAT'S RIGHT, 13 feline-like creatures, all ready to bombard your life with all the CAT-ness you crave.
I've got males, females, long-haired, short-haired, big, small, older, younger, black, not-so-black,frisky, laid-back,natural, nuturing, sleeping, energetic...
CATS OF EVERY KIND.
I've got 'em all!
And the price?
HAH!
How about an ANTI-Price?
THAT'S RIGHT!
These crazy fluffballs of joy are FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Absolutely FREE to a good and accepting home.
Litter Box trained?
They know what that is!
Food?
They eat it!
Gotta dog?
HAH!
Cats and dogs were made for each other.
If not, that's why these things are so freaking springy.
Can you say NATURAL BORN CLIMBERS?!
Got Fish?
Not for long!
(Fish are for losers!*)
Who needs other pets when you could have a CAT!
So when that nagging need deep inside finally whups you into realizing how much you need one of my cats, give me a call or message me and say "I NEED A FREAKING CAT!"

RE-EVALUATE YOUR LIFE AND DO IT!

*Fish are not for losers.
In fact, I've owned a few in my time.
They make lovely pets.
Just take a cat.

RIP John Hughes

2009-08-06T19:38:00.000-07:00

http://www.reuters.com/article/mediaNews/idUSN0635330920090806
Director John Hughes dies of heart attack, age 59
LOS ANGELES, Aug 6 (Reuters) - Film writer and director John Hughes, whose credits include "The Breakfast Club" and "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," has died of a heart attack at age 59, his spokesman said on Thursday.

Hughes died suddenly while taking a morning walk in New York City, according to a statement from his spokesman. (Reporting by Dean Goodman, Editing by Bob Tourtellotte)

Theatre Theatre Theatre..... part 1895.4

2009-08-05T09:49:00.001-07:00

As the time nears, I'm stressing more and more about my audition for Shrew.
I want it to go well because I want to be in the show so badly.
I'm a little sad about it because Josh has concluded that he cannot do it with his work schedule.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrr....
Junia, however, is still on track, memorizing her monologue.
Yay!
I'm also a little sad about all the different auditions that are coming up, most of all Rocky Horror Show.
However, the sadness I would feel if I didn't audition for Shrew is MUCH greater.
Plus, it's another chance to work with Rosebriar and with Danielle.
The choice is obvious.
---------------------
I need to review another show.
I just NEED to!
I haven't done it in a while and I'm kinda going through withdrawal.
I've emailed the Theatre Vault admin about a few shows listed on the calendar, so I'm hoping to have something within the next few weekends.
------------------------
I'm very pumped because Josh and I are going to see Little Shop of Horrors after all!
I thought they ran the same amount of time as Midsummer, but I was ever so wrong.
They have an extra weekend!
HIZZAH!
Josh and I are going to see it on the 15th.
It's a funny musical and it's hard to sit still and NOT laugh throughout the production (especially if you're me).

Oh, another theatrical endeavour I have put upon myself is going to see As you Like It in Schiller Park.
They open tomorrow and go til September 6th.
Hizzah!
Now, I must gather another entourage of friends and folks to meet on the beloved grassy knoll sometime this month.
Any takers?

Midsummer sweeeeetness.

2009-08-03T17:06:00.000-07:00

SO the first weekend of Midsummer Night's Dream ROCKED.
I've always loved the story, but Steve's dream and vision for this particular rendition of Midsummer has renewed my loves.
The cast has been a fabulous group of folks that mesh well and complement each other.
It has been a blast.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2002402&id=92000085&l=f41c97fdcc

Opening NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! It's OPENING NIIIIIIIIGHT!!!

2009-07-31T10:58:00.000-07:00

So tonight is opening night for Midsummer.
Hizzzzzzzzzah!
I really hope we get a great turn out.
As of right now, I'm not sure if we'll be outside or inside since it's been raining.
Bleh.

I just ordered a script and a sample CD to start figuring out what we need for Kidsummer Night's Dream.
Even though auditions aren't until December, I think we should get started on figuring all the major details now.
Since it's a musical, I need to hear the music and figure out what we're going to need as far as singing ranges.
Plus, we should start working on choreography ideas as well.
LOL
I'm already stressed out.
Thank goodness I have Junia to help me again.
:0)

Technology. Not my strong point

2009-07-29T11:57:00.000-07:00

I know it's only almost August, but I've begun to dwell on Christmas.
The giving part, not the getting.
Mom has been wanting an ipod of some sort for quite some time now, so Junia have decided to get her one for Christmas.
Wanting to get dad something equally cool, we've decided to just get him one as well.
Easy enough decision, and luckily we have plenty of time to figure out where/how/when to get them.
I've started scouring ebay, through the various decisions and choices.
I'm happy to announce that I've found some potentials.
Usually Junia and I do our own thing and get separate gifts for our parental units.
However, this gift will be costly enough that we decided to pool our finances and efforts.
I've also begun to figure out Josh's gift, or the main part at least.
Hizzah.
Although it may take some of the surprise out of Dec. 25th, Junia and I are both aware that mom is getting us laptops.
DOUBLE Hizzah.
This knowledge has sent both Ju and I on a new quest...
Trying to figure out what the heck we want in a laptop.
Ugh.
Not the most computer savvy, I'm going to rely on my more nerdy friends to help me figure out what I want/need.
Argh.
I actually searched Laptops on ebay and my brain exploded.
There are soooooooo many names, versions, numbers, whistles, gadgets, and gizmos!
AUGH!
Heeeeeeeeellllllp!