The Diva is doomed, revised

The diva has no hope.

The diva smiles for the crowd but, below the act, she wants to scream aloud. 

The diva wants to let the monster out. 

Below the diva's stage, her foundation is crumbling.
The diva covers her pain and troubles with makeup and band-aids.

The diva is now haunted by her mistakes, 

yet continues to fail her loved ones.

The diva's unrelenting ability to destroy is her downfall.

The diva surrounds herself with friends and emotion,on a crowded stage of strangers. 

The diva always fears time spent alone, for there the truth finds her.
The diva forgets how to bleed, but she can show you her scars.
The diva never knew how to love. All that beats is her broken heart. 
The diva sings no melody, but has her own tune and march. 
The diva has discovered true loneliness though she hides behind a glass of wine.
The diva never keeps time, too busy in the limelight. 

The diva is tortured by the demons she has created.
The diva has no room for clothes in her closet, full of skeletons.
The diva has compromised her life, her emotions, her relationships.
No script will save her speech when all charisma is sucked away from her eyes.
She will discover the bottom of the empty bottle.

No role will spare her from real emotion.
No revival will save the diva's soul.

The diva is doomed. 

Tahrea, Vegetarian, Part Two or The End of National Vegetarian Month

I did not intend for my previous blog to be a two part thing, but I've actually had some great feedback the first part. I thought I'd follow up and expand on a few things. As of yesterday, I've been a vegetarian for four months now! Yay! I have felt better and my body has been functioning better, excluding these past few weeks where my cast mates and I have been sharing some sort of bug with each other. I have actually lost 24 pounds since I started this endeavor, an extra fabulous bonus. :o)
Every once in a while, I find myself craving a steakburger from Steak N Shake or bacon. However, since I look at this whole change as a challenge for myself, I know that not giving in to certain cravings only helps me build my will power. To me, it's like some one trying to quit smoking, though not as extreme. What's aggravating is that when someone close to me says they reeeeeally want to smoke a cigarette and I support them by discouraging that craving, but when I make a small mention about how I kinda miss bacon, I am encouraged to EAT the bacon. Argh. That response certainly does not helping my personal cause. Luckily, the worse BAD craving that has cracked me is french fries. Yep, I've gone through a drive thru as of late for some fries and a fruit and yogurt parfait more than once. GUILTY. :o/
As we end National Vegetarian Month, I reflect on the past couple of months and realize how much I've learned about myself and about the amazing alternatives I have been given or have discovered. I hope that more people will explore healthier options for themselves and make healthy decisions for themselves as they reach for their next meal.
Remember, we eat to live. We do not live to eat.

It could be worse but I'm glad it's not....

I should be asleep. I SHOULD be. I'm in bed. It is late at night. I should be asleep. But I'm not. Instead I find myself sinking into the melancholy void that tends to overtake me when I find myself suddenly alone. Sometimes it hits me when I'm driving alone or when I'm doing something menial at work; random actions which one does alone. UGH... it's hard to shake sometimes. It isn't that I'm depressed, just... brooding in my solitude. This is a state few "emo" kids can only hope to achieve, y'know.
No I'm not depressed. That's not it. I mean, about what have I to be depressed? Yeah, I've got a few things pulling against me right now, but I've got a few great things going for me. I have several things to which I am look forward including a date with a pretty decent guy on Friday. I am surrounded by friends and family. I have a terrific theatre family who is overwhelming me with SO many great memories and moments....
...but I'm still in this funk. Bleh. At least I am feeling sleep pull at my eyes, slowing my fingers as they dash across this keyboard. My intent on writing tonight was to expel poetic nonsense about my sense of self seclusion and lonesome feeling. Yet here I sit, babbling. I guess I just need to keep repeating "It could be worse but I'm glad it's not...." Words by which to live.

It could be worse but I'm glad it's not....

Tahrea, vegetarian

A few months ago, I started a journey, so to speak. I decided to give up meat, eggs, and (maybe) dairy. I pretty much went cold turkey on eggs, since I didn't consume eggs on a regular basis. It took about a week for me to work myself into a meatless diet. (Dairy? Pfft. I'm typing this as I munch on pasta with Parmesan cheese.) I was pumped about this decision. Even though I am surrounded but borderline carnivores, I have found major support from friends and folks I didn't even know were vegetarians. Since I cannot seem to fully kick dairy, I don't see a complete crossover to veganism in my near future. (Sorry vegans.)

People keep asking me, "Well, what do you eat?" I hate that question almost as bad as "Where do you get your protein?" (What do they say about bringing a knife to a gun fight?) Don't ask a vegetarian (or a vegan) either of those questions. They are ignorant questions. Since the switch, I've found that humans put meat and cheese in just about EVERYTHING we cook and eat. It's ridiculous! Meat can be replaced by extra veggies, rice, tofu or beans. If you use meats for flavoring purposes, like bacon, you can try bacon bits for salads and a certain amount of liquid smoke. Those are just two substitutions I have found.  I also found a major love for beans (frijoles negros!) and nuts, both an amazing substitute for meat and great sources for protein. (Hah, ignorance!)

If you've been my facebook friend or twitter follower for anytime in the past few months, you will have noticed the random food and vegetarian related postings. I know it seems odd to post a picture of my lunch, but there is a method to my madness. 1.) I decided to document my journey into this widely known yet misunderstood realm of life. 2.) I wanted to show that vegetarians can eat and eat well. I'm not exactly trying to flaunt it or shove it in people's faces but rather share and enlighten. People eat before they think, stuffing themselves with unknown garbage and then wonder why they feel sickly or why they are borderline obese. It is not a mystery. Another reason why I chose this lifestyle was because I wanted to find ways of eating healthier and smarter. For the past three months, I have gone through a drive-thru twice. Twice. Once in late August and once last week. Both times for a mini blizzard from DQ (ARGH Dairy!). That's it, and that says a lot because I'm constantly on the go, driving between work, home, teaching, rehearsal, and church. I have started making meals and eating at home a lot more than before. I have found that if I choose my own ingredients and make it myself I have a better grasp on what exactly I am putting in my body. In my research and reading ( MAN, have I researched this stuff) I have found a lot of great recipes and substitutes and I've also made up some dishes of my own. :o) It is empowering to be able to know that I'm doing something worthwhile for my body, bettering myself and my life. It has been a major confidence boost and it is exciting! 

"You are what you eat" carries a different tune here. If you consume crap (pop, foods of unknown origin, meat) you will feel like crap. You can/will feel sluggish, fat, unmotivated, and sick. If you eat healthier you can feel healthier. You only have one life here on this planet. Why bog it down with unnecessary stress on your body and on your mind? Honestly, I'm not out to change the world with this lifestyle change. You, my friends, will each choose to eat what you what and believe what you want, just as I do. But please be smart. Love your bodies.

Happy National Vegetarian Month! 

(Please recognize that I'm not joining PETA, this is not a religious decision, and it is not based on animal cruelty. Though I am disgusted with the way animals are treated in the process, and I COULD go on about my opinions and findings on THAT subject, that is not the initial reason behind my change.)

Another time of mourning...

Due to a completely unrelated and completely ridiculous string of events, I did not feel the least bit compelled to answer the phone when it rang, signifying that Ray (Biological father) was calling me at Midnight tonight. Sure enough, he left a voicemail. On said voicemail, he informed me that Ethel, my late grandfather's wife, had passed away on the 19th. Ray himself had apparently just discovered this information and wanted to pass the info along. For anyone who has read my blogs in the past or found any particular interest in the random babblings on my facebook page, you know that I went to Georgia back around Easter. That was the second time in my life I had been in that house, the first time I could remember. That time with Ethel turned out to an extremely significant time that I will never forget. She touched my heart in a way that would lead one to believe we were very close. Though we've know of each other my entire life, I had no relationship with her or my grandfather of which to speak except for the little time I spent in their home as a baby and the two weeks I was there this past spring. However, I learned much about/from Ethel and that house. I created memories that I will always cherish. I hated leaving her and that house. I guess these are the reasons why I bawled when I got tonight's unexpected message. I guess that's why I'm still crying... and why my heart hurts.
She was a dear woman, and would've been 90 this year. Gosh. 90 years old. She had a great life though I know she was probably heartbroken over the death of her husband. And I know she was suffering physically. But, now she is at peace. And even through the sadness I thank God I was given the opportunity to meet her and be able to spend time with her, and to have so many questions answered.

I pray for peace for her loved ones because I know she will be missed by her family.
God bless you Ethel.

Another emo poem........

So close to being with you
so close to the brink
I can hardly think
You push me on
you write my song
I want to hold you close
I want to be free
I just want to fly
I can't remember
I only feel the wind
Why am I here?
You won't be there 
in the end
You'll run away
You'll leave me on the curb
You'll leave me on the line
standing alone again.
But you push me on
you write my song
You make me want to hold you
though I want to be free to fly
I wish I could remember how to feel
Why am I here?
You'll only drive me away
or drive me over the edge
I'll never feel your warmth
You'll keep me at arm's length
over the cliff
I'll dangle for you
as long as I know you're there

A serious issue of theatrical proportions

I have been mulling over an issue that has hit me hard lately. It may not impact others the way it has me, but I feel quite passionate about this. It's an issue that slightly frightens me. We have a wonderful theatre community in Central Ohio. And yet live theatre is suffering, locally and nationally. Companies are merging, downsizing, and even closing. It kills me. Since becoming a reviewer with Theatre Vault I have been connected with so many wonderful people, and  pleasantly surprised by how many theatres we have in our hometown. I have also picked up on a couple of common themes: Lack of space, lack of funding, lack of interest. Lather, rinse, and repeat with the next theatre company.  And not just the community theatres either. Our main equity house, CATCo, has also felt the harsh blow of our currently economy to a great extent. How tragic is it that an actor's escape or true utopia, their home, the stage, is being threatened by something  beyond the realm of creativity? How sad is it that we must almost beg and borrow to make a halfway decent production only to be let down by a miniscule crowd on opening night?
 Luckily (for most theatre groups) actors are creative, giving, and resourceful folks who find ways to make their shows work. Instead of performing on an actual stage, you find theatres like Raconteur Theatre Company, a company that is often seen performing on the second floor of Club Diversity. You also find a lot of costumes, props, and sets are borrowed between theatre companies, as we are a community and we are all connected through each other. For some theatres who don't have their own home stage, there are others like Columbus Civic Theatre who allow other companies to share their stage and utilize their facilities. So there are a many resources and people in our city who are willing to make ends meet in the midst of the dreary circumstance. Still, there is a need. There are still those who are feeling the harsh blows. What else can be done? PLENTLY. My favorite thing to do is to audition. Support your local theatres by auditioning or being involved backstage. So many patrons are sick of seeing the same actors in every show. If you are one of those patrons, put up or shut up. AUDITION! Donate your time to props and costumes. Sit in the freaking tech booth and push buttons. My next suggestion is to donate props, costumes, or even money. A litte, a lot- it doesn't matter. Every little bit helps. And stop complaining about ticket prices. If you want to see a show, save up and go. Support the theatre and the actors. You never know; that extra money might be going towards the meager recompense of the actors. Yeah, your attendance may pay the actors. The actors will love you for that. Theatres always appreciate their patrons in their programs and newsletters. We need people who are willing to support our art. And I don't mean theatre folk supporting theatre folk. We get bored with each other after a while. I mean regular, not theatrical, sane everyday americans looking for entertainment, education, and an escape from their everyday american lives.
Bottom line, something has to be done. There needs to be a radical change in our community. I'm one person. PHYSICALLY, I'm one person. I write my reviews, I attend shows, I donate my time, I perform. I live for my art. I'm doing what I can. And now I'm challenging everyone who reads this. There are shows going on EVERY weekend in Ohio. I guarantee you, EVERY weekend, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, somewhere in our state, someone is performing on a stage. Go. Support them. Laugh at them (even if they aren't funny). Cry (especially if they aren't funny). Love it. Hate it. Debate it. GO. Better our community by better our theatre community. And think about what you can do as an individual and we can do as a people, united by one goal.