I found myself musing a very common subject tonight, a subject near and dear to just about everyone. And I think that I was pondering said subject because it relates with Company and Hallmark created our upcoming holiday which feeds on it. Yes, I am talking about... Relationships. More specifically, communication in relationships. People existing, interacting, and connecting with other people. It is an amazing concept for some. I mean, think about your latest relationship, how it was formed, how you feel about that person, etc. Are they your friend? Significant other? Puppet? Fling? Worst enemy? How do you communicate with them? DO you communicate with them? See, as I've gotten older I have found that communication is key to a successful relationship, no matter how you are relating to the other person. And, MAN, have I seen some great relationships fail because of miscommunication. It's not just cheating or lying; it's being passive-aggressive or evasive. It's also avoiding certain subjects for various reasons. I would love to see a relationship where both people were direct and they knew where the other stood. Imagine the answers to questions like, "Does my hair look alright?" "What do you want for dinner?" "Does this dress make me look fat?" "What do you think?" I feel that everyone time someone responds to one of those questions (and more) with the response that they think the other wants to hear and it is NOT the response that originally popped in their head, there has to be a little bitterness. You did not tell that person what you thought. You did not give your own answer. You pulled a tried-and-true response out of your hat and handed them this line they have programmed you to use. Honestly, if I ask someone about my appearance, and they give a less-than-satisfied response, I thank them and I change. Yeah, it sucks that the outfit I picked out didn't go over the way I had hoped. HOWEVER, that other person just gave me an honest answer and it was THEIR answer. I can trust this person to answer more serious questions later if need be.
Folks need to just lay it all out for all involved in the relationship. Obviously when we hear the word "relationship" we think about a couple, so I'll use the archetype of the male/female dating relationship. I have come to think that these two people need to flat out tell the other person what they expect from the relationship and what they expect from their partner. I'm serious. I personally am sick of wondering what the other person thinks about me, where they see the relationship going, etc. If both of you aren't working towards the same goals, you aren't going to end on happy ground. Just lay it out. "I want to date." "I want to get married." "I want to be friends." "I want to get laid." "I am using you to get to your sister." "I like you but I don't want to commit to one person." "I don't know what I want from this relationship." Communication, man. And DO NOT use sex as a form of communication. Don't use it at all. Sleeping around or moving from sexual partner to sexual partner is not a good thing. There is nothing good about it. Sure it seems "fun" for a while, but you can't honestly keep telling yourself this is what you want. If there is seriously someone out there who has NO problem sleeping around with as many people possible for the rest of their life, I feel sorry for them. I truly do. There is no true fulfillment in an empty life like that.
Ok, I'm going to hop off of my soapbox now, partly due to the fact that my eyes are crossing from exhaustion. I'm just saying... Talk. Don't hold back because of fear or anger or pity. If you love or, in any case, respect that other person, you need to communicate. As humans I feel that is the most minute respect we can give each other.
Folks need to just lay it all out for all involved in the relationship. Obviously when we hear the word "relationship" we think about a couple, so I'll use the archetype of the male/female dating relationship. I have come to think that these two people need to flat out tell the other person what they expect from the relationship and what they expect from their partner. I'm serious. I personally am sick of wondering what the other person thinks about me, where they see the relationship going, etc. If both of you aren't working towards the same goals, you aren't going to end on happy ground. Just lay it out. "I want to date." "I want to get married." "I want to be friends." "I want to get laid." "I am using you to get to your sister." "I like you but I don't want to commit to one person." "I don't know what I want from this relationship." Communication, man. And DO NOT use sex as a form of communication. Don't use it at all. Sleeping around or moving from sexual partner to sexual partner is not a good thing. There is nothing good about it. Sure it seems "fun" for a while, but you can't honestly keep telling yourself this is what you want. If there is seriously someone out there who has NO problem sleeping around with as many people possible for the rest of their life, I feel sorry for them. I truly do. There is no true fulfillment in an empty life like that.
Ok, I'm going to hop off of my soapbox now, partly due to the fact that my eyes are crossing from exhaustion. I'm just saying... Talk. Don't hold back because of fear or anger or pity. If you love or, in any case, respect that other person, you need to communicate. As humans I feel that is the most minute respect we can give each other.
3 comments:
Bless your heart. That was awesome!
People can choose to selectively not communicate, but can realize when communication really matters. I have tried to answer questions like, "Should I wear the red or the blue dress?" I have chosen, only to have the person do the exact opposite. But when the question is "How can we help the kids with college decisions?", "Do we take this issue to our boss?" or the like, I participate to the best of my ability. Knowing when and how to really communicate is the critical factor. Non-communication is an important part of communication.
americans are emotionally constipated and socially retarded. we live in the age were we are over connected with twitter, facebook, texting, email, phones, skype, and a whole assortment of other channels but we fail to connect in a meaningful way. we are afraid of communicating our true selves with people. everyone is hindered by the questions: am i loveable, am i interesting enough, am i wanted and instead of taking the time to cultivate a healthy relationship we hide our real selves from the other person for fear that if they truly knew us they would run away.
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