Yesterday's meeting between Grandpa and Ethel went over like a lead balloon. He seemed happy to see her at first and then flipped out. He yelled at Ray, asking him why he brought Ethel up there and that he said to never bring her to see him. She kept bringing it up all day after that. I felt so bad for her as it really hurt her. Each day I just love her more. She is a sweet woman who is just frail, quiet, and somewhat confused at times. I hate to see such a nice person like her so distraught and in pain. She has caused me to cry several times over the past couple of days just because she is so precious. I hate that I have to leave her in a week, and I just want relief and peace for her. Needless to say, nothing was decided between the two.
The hospital actually called Ray and told us that they thought our coming to see his father might be adding to his stress and ailments. They suggested that we stay away for the rest of the weekend. Now Ray is torn. Tomorrow is Monday, the beginning of a new week, but we don't know the status of grandpa's mental and physical health. AND, it's grandpa's 79th birthday tomorrow. It is sort of a bittersweet situation. More bone crushingly bitter than sweet.
To add to the aggravation, we believe Ethel's weekend aide quit on us. When we took her to the hospital, we had her aide go home since we didn't need her. She told us to call her when we got home. Ray did, but she didn't answer. Nor did she call back. Then, this morning, she didn't show up. I know it was Easter, but I think a phone call of some sort was in order. I'm kinda glad at the prospect of her being gone. Ethel didn't like her because she was rough and kinda lazy, and I didn't feel that she had a good spirit about her. I did witness firsthand her interactions with Ethel, and she was not a paced and gentle as she should have been with a woman in Ethel's condition. It angered me to see that go on, and, when she said Ethel wanted me to do her make-up, I jumped in to do the rest. I know this news, on top of everything else, will only anger grandpa more, so I doubt Ray will share it unless absolutely neccessary.
My prayers have gotten a bit complicated. On the one hand I am praying for peace and relief. On the other I pray for God's will to be done. I just want what's best for the couple. I wouldn't wish this sort of suffering on my worst enemy. I have heard Ethel across the hall, praying for God to help her. In her sleep, she has cried for "mommy" and "daddy" several times. Tonight is the most quiet she has been. I just feel for her so much and wish there was something beyond prayer that I could do. I just hate that the end is so hard for such wonderful people.
I wouldn't trade these days for anything though. I have never changed or bathed an adult. I've never cleaned them after they used the commode. I've never had to care for an elderly person before. It is a strange concept to me even though I have done the same with so many children. However, I've done it with Ethel because I care for her so much. It doesn't bother me like I thought it would. I haven't exactly enjoyed it, but I feel I have gained much from it. Each day I am more and more grateful for being here.
God, please have your hand upon this house and household, and upon that hospital room. Guide minds and hearts to you will. Help us each to gain patience and understanding as you know we sorely need both. I ask that you grant peace to Ethel and Grandpa.
Amen
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