So close..... yet so far away...

My auditions are this Saturday.
THIS SATURDAY.
I read the ad for the auditions in the Weekender of the Dispatch...
I also saw the ad in the Herald.
Fabulous stuff.
The one in the Dispatch has my name on it with my email.
The Herald one didn't have my name, but it did have the email address.
I told mom, "I guess there's no turning back now..."
lol
I keep getting nervous over different small things...
I freak out about who might audition, and the different problems that could create...
I don't want too many adults, but I do want a few...
After all, it is a kids show...
And I'm worried about how many characters to cast.
The main list is 21 characters, but I may need extras....
Fret, fret, fret.....
It's chaos in my brain...
We're six days away...
SIX...
*SIGH*
So close...
yet, so far away....

If I hated you...
Would you turn from the sun?
Would you tell me the truth,
that I'm not the only one?
If I hated you...
Would you turn me away?
Would you make me believe?
that you wanted me to stay?
If I hated you...
Would you ignore my eyes?
Would you hate me too?
would you tell me sweet lies?
If I hated you...
Would you make each moment shorter than the last?
Woul you tell me you loved me?
Would you kiss me with passion?
If I hated you...

I saw your name
today
and I tried
not to melt away
I needed to cry
having never said
goodbye
though you probably
don't care
You were never there
You see my name
erased from your memory
never trying
to reach out to me
to explain
Why you left me
standing in the rain

Where will you be in 2012????

A lot of people are freaking out about the end of the world.
Others think it's a bunch of hogwash...
http://www.universetoday.com/2008/05/19/no-doomsday-in-2012/
http://science.howstuffworks.com/space-conspiracy-theory3.htm
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080402171350AAJgl1Z
http://www.unexplained-mysteries.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=124304
http://www.survive2012.com/

And now they've gone a made a movie about it...
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1132130/
We saw the trailer last night as we waited patiently for Underworld to start.
Based on the trailer, I won't see it.
Long story short...
HUGE tidal wave cresting over monsterous mountains and destroying a monastery.
NO thank you.
Tahrea doesn't do well with waves....
And doomsday movies....

A new writing adventure for Tahrea.... (This is a BIG ONE.)

So.
I've been approached by a gal in Toronto to contribute to this project she started up...
In her words, " It's going to be published by Seal Press and it's an anthology from young people across North America on sexual experiences they believe the younger generation could learn from. The pieces should show and not tell and include as much detail as possible (as though you were telling your best friend). You can also use a writer's alias if you're more comfortable."

Short stories and letter formatted pieces are preferred. The topics to write on are:

1. Hookups (sexual relationships void of emotional connection)
2. Positive sexual experiences
3. Sexual experiences with consequences (STI, pregnancy, abortion)
4. Date rape/ sexual abuse (this can be a story about helping someone through this experience as well)
5. Abstinence

Apparently this isn't a paying thing, but it means an opportunity to get published and free copies of the book.
HELLZ yeah.
This gal found me on urbis.com and, apparently, liked my writing.
LOL
Seriously, this will be an honor.
REALLY.
I mean, YEAH, I haven't had much experience in this department, but I've been surrounded with INSPIRATION for any type of story involving sex.
And lord knows I can mould a creative writing piece out of just about anything at this point.
LOL
That sounded cocky.....
sorry.
I'm not sure on which topic to write.
I'll just start writing and see what flows out.
I'll email her whatever it may be and see what comes of it.
We have til February which is...
Basically now.
So I should start writing...
NOW.

I'll post whatever geniusness later....
(HA!)

I'm not like her
but I guess it's a good thing.
You'll never find me in a clinic
dying from disease
because I spend too much time
sitting on my knees....

Today is history.

I FINALLY got my scripts yesterday.
I was sooooo happy.
I decided to copy one and put it in a binder with dividers for James (because I'm fabulous like that...)
I went to Wal-mart and got the binder and 10 cool plastic folders for the actors who won't have a script.
Because the scripts were $19.95 EACH, we only got 11.
Not ever actor is in the entire production so I'm going to just copy the parts they need and put them in the folders.
I'm gonna get labels and put the character names on it.
It'll be fabulous.
And I figure it'll make those who don't get an entire script feel a bit better than a clump of paper.
We went to the library to drop off the script.
The gal behind the desk told me several people had come in asking about it.
Gah.
I feel bad about that.
BUT, it's there now.
Thank God.
Oh!
I ran into a couple of parents who's daughter was in last year's show.
They were telling me how excited she was to audition, which makes my heart smile.
Somehow the conversation wound itself around to me talking about how I still need sound effects.
The dad ends up offering to help!
He said he has a bunch of sound effects.
I totally hugged him as I went berserk with ecstasy.
So I emailed him a list of sound effects I need.
Thank you Baby Jesus!
They said they'll give me a CD at auditions, and that I didn't have to cast their daughter just because he was offering to help.
LOL!
I love it.

11 days.
I am COUNTING DOWN.

A poem and a half....

I gave my all
You can't say
that I gave nothing
when I gave my all.
You know my name
and that is something.
I gave my all.
You see me here
with blood stains on my shirt,
killing to give my all.
My face streaked with tears,
living in this world of hurt,
I gave my all.
Even while you scorn
seems to plague my mind
I gave you my all.
You will always know
something great was born
within the time
I gave my all.
My voice is hoarse
and my words are few
because I gave my all.
My smiles are now scarce;
I sent them all to you
as I gave my all.
I'd never let your torment
outlive my love
as I gave my all.
You will continue to be content
within the world you created,
living above,
after I gave my all.
As I lay empty
having given away my heart,
I close my eyes....
And as you begin to tear me apart
I know, dying, I gave my all.
_______________________________________________
I asked the winter sky
to send me good news...
It obliged in a song
from last june
warming my heart
in spite of the snow....
I asked the breeze
to carry me above
the snow covered trees...
It obliged as nice
as you please
And settled me gently
on a hill....

Success by Ralph Waldo Emerson..... (One of my favorites)

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by
a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived;

This is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

P-TO THE-R-TO THE-O-M-I-N-E-N-T RENDITION, PROMINENT RENDITION....

Today was certain a day.
Thursday I found myself roped into yet another Whirlwind adventure...
Another Show Choir Competition.
Dad was planning on driving down separately since he wasn't chaperoning and asked if I would like to go.
Not having anything better to do, I agreed to go, only after asking to bring Madison along.
I started my day at 7.
A.M.
After getting Madison and getting on the road after 10, we drove for an hour and a half to Portsmouth.
Yes, Portsmouth.
Although the high school was hosting the competition, it was held in the Verne Riffe Center of Shawnee University.
Now, this competition was a strange one for a couple reasons.
1.) Only eight groups were participating.
2.) NO solo competitions.
3.) No preliminaries and Finals.
Just ONE round.
Slight gulp.
4.) Usually, there is a port where the groups can unload their trailers and put their stage/set stuff til it needs to be assembled for their show.
Then, they'd assemble, perform, tear down, and store til the end of the competition.
NOT here.
In this case, the kids would have to unload the trailer, put their set together, perform, tear down the set, and stuff it back into the trailer.
On the flip side, this meant it was a shorter competition which means the kids would get home sooner, which is part of the reason I wanted Madison to go.
We get there, and every one is packing into this building.
Slight chaos.
After 15 minutes of checking everyone in, mom and the other "moms" herd the kids up to the rooms.
Dad, Madison, and I find a nice spot in the auditorium to park and watch the other groups.
The first group we saw the second slated group for the day.
Meh.
The soundman must have been slightly retarded and was driving my soundman Dad bonkers.
The piano for the group was OVERWHELMING and swallowing the vocals.
The performers sounded terrible, though I knew they were doing a better job than the soundman was making it out to be.
I honestly don't remember the next group.
I may not have seen the next group.
I remember that after that first performance, I was wrangled by my mother to come up and help the girls with their "Show Choir" hair.
SO I think I missed the next two groups.
I entered the classroom and mom quickly announced my presence.
Immediately, I was called upon by three or four girls.
So, I quickly dove into an ocean of hair and hairspray.
Show choir hair, if you don't know, is an art.
You have to perfect it.
Some girls have hair that can be pulled out of the curlers, adjusted, sprayed, and VIOLA!
Instant Fabulousness.
Junia always exhibits the perfect head of locks that I've dubbed "Baptist Hair." (The higher the hair, the closer to God.)
THEN, there are the other girls.
Maybe they curled their hair when it was just a little too damp.
Maybe they didn't keep the curlers in long enough.
Maybe they didn't use enough product.
Whatever the reason, oft times they are presented with stringy clumps or straight locks once the curlers are removed.
THIS is when special skills are called for.
Hair spray, hairspray, HAIRSPRAY.
And a prayer.
Usually does the trick.
About 30-40 minutes later, I emerge from the room in a cloud of hairspray fumes.
Returning to Dad and Madison, I resume my show-watching post as Hurricane (Pronounced Hurr'can for some odd reason) High school starts their performance.
They did so well I looked at Dad, worried.
Dad simply said, "The kids are going to have to step it up."
GULP.
Next was our kids.
All the parents gathered together, though scattered throughout the auditorium.
Tension and excitement both began to rise.
Then, they began.
And they rocked.
I was so proud.
The mom brigade then dispersed to collect the kids.
Some of the dads went back to help tear down.
The rest of us stayed to watch the next two groups.
Poca High school was next.
COMPETITION major.
They totally brought their A-game.
DOUBLE GULP.
Still proud of our kids, I knew all the PR Parents were a bit nervous.
Then Portsmouth High did their show, as most host schools do at these things.
THEN...
The Awards.
Talk about NERVES.
OMG.
The buzz was that our kids did well but a lot of PR'ers were expecting 1st or 2nd runner up (AKA 2nd or 3rd place).
Long story short....
Prominent Rendition got Grand Champs.
OMG!
Talk about hysterics.
The kids were so excited to run up and get their medals and take pictures with the BIG trophy.
The other groups were slightly peeved, as is the norm, but no one cared.
PR kids needed this.
Junia was on cloud Nine.
I was really happy that they won so Madison could see all the happy faces.
Great night.
After the competition, everyone stuffed into the Fazoli's to celebrate and frighten the local yokels trying to have a "nice" Italian family meal.
HA!
Dad, Madison, and I said our goodbye's and headed back home.
Of course, the sweet and fabulous five year old conked out in the car.
Too much.
I, of course, just had to laugh.
I often find myself stewing in thoughts quite cynnical when the subject of Show choir is brought up, mostly because Junia comes home with a new story of aggravation DAILY.
However, all cynnicism and disgust melts away when I'm arm deep in hair, or when my throat is so hoarse from cheering and screaming the group to victory with the rest of the crowd.
And then...
They go and win 1st place.
And I can't help but smile.

It's rather sickening, actually....