To a certain someone

To a certain someone I feel I must inform you that I no longer care what you think or what ships you sink.
And I feel you must know that you'll have to let it go that I no longer wear my hair the way that used to make you stare, and my clothes have change since you've since become a stranger to me.
I'm sick and tired of trying to read your mind. You cannot believe that I still wish we were together when we were never together mentally. I feel you have simply lost touch with reality.
You and me can never be since you lost touch with what we used to be.
Used to be...


To a certain someone, I feel I need to remind you that you've seemed to lost your mind when you called me blind to what I was leaving behind. Please wipe my smile from your mind. I can no longer be kind.
You made a mistake in thinking this was just a break and now you want to make me take your word.


To a certain someone, you forgot you caused the problems when I wanted to solve them.
You'll have to move on and I'll sing my song- but don't worry, I'll change the names so you won't be blamed for the change in me from how I used to be and why I smile a bit more than before, why I don't cry like I used to when I was with you. Now I'm not with you and that suits me just fine. It's relief for my mind...


To a certain someone....

The Diva is Doomed.

The diva surrounds herself
with friends and emotion,
always fearing time spent alone,
for there the truth finds her.
The diva smiles for the crowd
Below the act,
Below the diva's stage,
her foundation is crumbling.
The diva covers her pain and troubles
with makeup and band-aids.
The diva's unrelenting ability
to destroy is her downfall.
The diva is tortured by the demons
she has created.
The diva has no room for clothes
in her closet, full of skeletons.
The diva has compromised her life,
her emotions,
her relationships.
The diva is now haunted by her mistakes,
yet continues to fail her loved ones.
One day the diva will discover true loneliness.
She will discover the bottom of the empty bottle.
No script will save her speech
when all charisma is sucked away from her eyes.
No role will spare her from real emotion.
No revival will save the diva's soul.

The dark world.... (oooooooooooooooh....)

Dark lights and loud music...
the mixture of cologne and alcohol...
emotion mingles with the lingering laughter...
Silhouettes dancing to a beat beyond the radio...
The clink of glass resonates through this hazy dimension...
The slur of conversation presents renewed needs to guzzle down the cheap elixir of forgotten morals and delayed regret...
Somewhere in this realm, relationships are thrown away...
Temptation lingers on the edge of every thought, thriving on hormones and desperation...
Each word is an innuendo...
Each sentence a false promise...
And somehow, those who know of the sin and darkness of this world always return...

It's not enough to say I love you...

As he held her close she knew that he loved her.
As he stroked her hair,
he knew he couldn't keep her much longer.
Suddenly it seemed, too quickly gone...
And suddenly, as the moon light shone,
she felt him sigh as she pulled away
and she knew he didn't know what to say...
"You'll never truly know how I feel
when others ask me if it's real,
if this feeling is fleeting or true.
It's not enough just to say I love you.
Though the moon may not shine,
though we've limited time...
No matter how our life goes,
I'll never stop until the whole world knows...
They'll always ask me if it's fleeting or true
because it's not enough to say I love you."
With a kiss on her cheek and a smile on his face,
he sighed again as she pulled into his embrace...
"It doesn't matter that we can't stop time.
It doesn't matter if sun or moon don't shine.
I really don't care if the world tries to bring me down...
You keep me soaring though I'm standing on solid ground.
No matter what we may go through...
You're right...
It's not enough to say I love you."

A poem with not title....

Wine staining her lips
and fire-burning fingertips...
You can see it in her eyes,
though the love in her kiss
holds no lies...
"Come, my philosopher,
and hold me close."
Her words make you forget
where you are...
You drink in the moment,
the chance,
to draw her in to dance.
Her breath intoxicates you
and her sighs captivate you
as she professes her love.
The midnight skies
twinkle with winking eyes above,
banishing doubt and judgement.
A stolen kiss to seal the truth...
Another sigh escapes the gentle mouth...
Both hearts break as time doesn't stand still,
and you know it is time to leave,
against all of your will.
Take comfort as you drive away...
She'll wish you'd stay
and pray you home safe...
Then dream your return
and love, revisited.
And she'll say again,
"Come, my philosopher,
and hold me close."
Her words make you forget
where you are...
You drink in the moment,
the chance,
to draw her in to hold her,
kiss her,
and dance.

My evening lament.....

Dancing to your songs, invisible arms around me as I sway....
Words in your head, too early to say....
Miles of separation meant to keep us close
divide us as I lend a smile to your ghost....
My hands are dirty, my tears mingle with the freshly fallen paint...
Your unspoken words a comfort, but it's not the same...
These new emotions realized
don't help the sadness in my sighs...
Where are you tonight?
I wish you were mine...
Tonight...

If I fell in love with you, or Would you fall in love with me?

If I fell in love with you
would you tell me what to do?
Could I play with other boys?
Would you tell me "No more noise,
no more sound?"
Would you always be around,
or would you leave?
Would you fall in love with me?
If I fell in love with you,
I would never be so blue...
Would we dance in the rain?
Would you promise no more pain
so I'd never need to cry.
And together we would fly,
or sail the sea....
Would you fall in love with me?
If I fell in love with you,
after all that we've been through,
could I hold your hand?
Would you help me stand?
Would we always be together,
come sun or stormy weather?
We could do as we please...
Would you then fall in love with me?

Success by Ralph Waldo Emerson..... (One of my favorites)

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by
a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived;

This is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

From anger to elation: a day in the life...

Today isn't a great day.
I still haven't gotten my scripts from Barry....
NOT fun.
I was cold at best and very depressed.....
I dunno.
Not good stuff....

Tomorrow is supposed to be the first day of my Musical Theatre classes for this semester.
I am stoked because I love the kids.
HOWEVER, I will cancel classes if the weather stays this crappy.
Regardless, I'll still be there around 3 to meet up with our head instructor, Virginia, and go over stuff for the recital.
We all have collectively decided to do it in two acts.
The first act will be like a regular recital, with separate individual bits for each class.
THEN, the second act will be OUR version of "Beauty and the Beast."
The reason I'm getting with Virg is to tweak the story line and kinda figure out with what direction we want to go.
THEN, I get the fabulous task of writing the script.
Hizzah....
lol.
OH!
Both her and our FABULOUS Irish step instructor (Who I adore!) Ryan have asked me to do the Mrs. Potts character.
That means singing and acting onstage with the kids.
Yep.
I don't mind...
My only issue is if someone else has an issue with it.
Virg said she's probably gonna do a little tap number, and the cheer instructor Tammi wants to dance too...
THEN, I won't feel so awkward.
I can tell right now that, come June, I will HATE both stories of Treasure Island and Beauty and the Beast....
lol

I ran across this play,The Murderous Mansion of Mr. Uno, A deadly comedy by Don Zolidis.
I think it is wicked funny and it's a sort of spoof on the movie version of CLUE.
GENRE Murder Mystery/Comedy
LENGTH Short, 40-60 minutes
CAST 5 females, 6 males
SET Unit set. The living room, library, and study of a mansion. Could be suggested.

The mysterious Mr. Uno has invited six eccentric guests to his dark and stormy mansion. When Uno winds up dead (several times over), and guests begin dying mysteriously, those remaining must uncover the murderer before it's too late. A wickedly funny parody of the traditional murder mystery, with eleven possible alternate endings voted on by the audience. Mix and match them all!
I emailed the writer about getting a copy of the script and he sent me the following link, which is the majority of the script.
http://www.playscripts.com/playview.php3?playid=1011
He also said, "I'll make this offer. If a community theater out there goes ahead and buys the rights to perform the show from Playscripts, I will write you a new version of this play that works out to a full-length. You can use the new version for your production and only pay the cost of a one-act performance (right now the play is $40 a performance, which is a pretty good deal). The deal is good until Playscripts publishes the new, full-length version of the show. "


I apologize and you'll forgive...
I will die as you learn to live...
I'll sing my song and you'll dance along
and we'll all pretend to smile somehow.
I will beg and you will pay...
I'll be the director...
You, an actor in my play...
We could be the queen and king
and we'll all pretend to smile somehow.

another breath

The stillness comes
as teardrops fall
another breath...
He reaches for her hand
squeezes it with love
and tries to understand
this blessing from above
So suddenly
Life has changed
So suddenly
so strange.

From one last sigh
and one last cry
another breath...
He brushes away her hair
she smiles through the pain
But all he does is stare
as he cleans up the stains
So suddenly
Life has changed
so suddenly
so strange.

How quietly
The world now seems
another breath...
He hands her the child
who opens up his eyes
and only stares for while...
They marvel as he cries
So suddenly
Their lives have changed
So suddenly
So strange.

She whispers her joy
to her new baby boy
another breath...
another breath...
All is calm
all is at peace
as the teenage mom
cradles the new born king.
So suddenly
their lives he'll change
so wonderful
so strange...

What my dreams become.....

I try once again
to voice this dream of pain
I push past the hurt
and stomp off the dirt
I brush away a tear
forgetting how to fear

Why can't I awake
from this dark dream
Visions so pale
I can't look away

The child takes my hand
We now own the land
The killing takes a toll
It eats my soul
We now see what's real
forgetting how to feel

My poetry=you

I walk the lonely street
to my car
wandering home
from the crowded bar
I wish I knew how to love you
without leaving the scars
I'll find out when my time is up
But I'm still trying to fight
and trying to find my path
in the dark night
Struggling with your reality
and all that you mean to me
wondering if you still see
or if your power has become you
If vanity transformed your truth...
This pain holds me captive
and it hurts to breath
It keeps me in its nightmares...
I cry out in the smile of strangers
I sing along with their silent melody
working towards the light that I can't see
I hold it close to my broken heart
That has begun to fall apart
I keep it in the empty hole
left behind by my lonely soul....
Now I wonder if you're worth the pain
or if love exists to gain
I realize my poetry
will now become you and who you are to me....

Yes, Virginia, it is the holiday season. Now leave me alone...

Reading Danielle's last blog, I realized Thanksgiving is six days away.
UGH.
Now, to be fair, I do enjoy this time of the year for what it is.
I love cooking and baking and eating.
I love singing and dancing to Christmas carols.
I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE decorating the trees.
Every year, I put a theme to the living room tree.
Usually it's a color scheme.
Last year it was Santas and Nutcrackers.
THIS year it is going to be birds.
I've purchased a ton of bird ornaments for it.
AGH!
It's my favorite.
I host a christmas party for my friends every year and that has me stoked as well.
I really used to hate this time of year.
Why?
Well, to help me sum it all up is this poem I wrote years ago that really embodies how I felt back then.....

Candy canes, Mistletoe.
White, soft, gentle snow.
Carols, A Christmas tree.
A red and green stocking for me.
All these and more are what people will say
when asked what reminds them of Christmas Day.
Not me though.
Oh, nonononononono....
Not stockings or mistletoe.
All these things may be great
But they aren't what reminds me of Christmas Day.
I envision spoiled children
and their poor tired parents,
The bitter cold
and the constant straining errands.
Loved ones trying to top last year's gift..
these things and more really get me miffed.
Give me the presents
but keep family away!
Or up in my bedroom is where I'll stay.
I can't stand the rush
of the idiot shoppers
who always make such a scene,
it's a really show stopper.
Or the department store santas
with their fake white beards.
Instead of looking Jolly,
they look really weird.
That's my version of Christmas...
It's sad, but it's true.
And with that
MERRY CHRISTMAS
and Happy New Year too.

I have no part to call my own...

Being the overly dramatic person I am, I just wrote this.
It's a poem, but I imagine a VERY dramatic character in some dramedy singing this song in lament...
It would be along the same lines of "Diva's Lament/What Ever Happened to My part" from Spamalot, now that I think of it....

I have no part to call my own...
The play is over...
I have no home...
The crowd's applauded...
the curtain is drawn...
I have no part to call my own...

For many months,
I had a name...
I was someone else...
For many months,
I had a second family.
Now, of course, I find I am lost
What's a diva to do?
without a play...
without a part...
without direction...
Without a clue...

I have no part to call my own...
The costume's hung...
Somehow I have to move on...
We took our bow...
Everyone has gone home...
I have no part to call my own.

Give me a sedative

Give me a sedative
send me to bed and never
wake me up to tell me how you
love me
Kiss me on my forehead don't
kill me before you have to go
break me into pieces
crush me into ashes
Spread me over and over the water
sing me a song between the laughter
Give me a sedative
Never leave me
and deceive me
keep me thinking I'm the one that
never should have come back
Give me a sedative
Keep me from pounding my head against the wall
keep me sober
turn me over
make sure I'm breathing as you are leaving
Lie to me
just read my poetry
open me up to understand the complex intricacies
that are me...

The Berry Picker's Triumph

Brush and briar
criss cross,
as if sentinels
guarding a secret treasure.
As I charge past their station,
they cling to me,
almost begging me
as a last ditch effort
to leave their precious wares
be…
Victorious, I ignore
the sting of the tiny barbs
and smile.
Slowly I search,
turning over leaves;
desperate for a glipse of a jewel.
Green….
.......Green…....
................Green…....
AH!
There sits my reward.
Purple, lush, gleaming
in the afternoon sunlight.
Despite the snag and snare
of the small thicket
I stretch and, AH, grasp
the small berry
with my fingers.
I draw back within
my newfound glory.
The sound of the purloined purple
bouncing
on the bottom of my pail
widens my smile.
Greedily,
and with more bravado,
I grab and claw for more
of the royal colored beauties
hidden under the foliage.
Several vicious fights later,
I emerge from the small forest
my bucket full;
my hand and arms scarred from the hunt and battle;
my fingers stained by the blood of my victims…
I am triumphant.
I am the Berry Picker.

It's because of you

I see your name
I hesitate to answer
I feel the pain
I thought I had
moved past it
Yet here I am
again agonizing
trying in vain
to pretend
that I'm not overly
curious about you

It's because of you
that I write heartbreak love songs
It because of you
that I think twice before letting go
It's because of you
that I can't give myself
the chance to fine something new...
Because of you

I hate these days
of going crazy
Just because someone
said you're doing fine.....
by the way
It's so hard to makebelieve
you don't exist
when it obvious
you're so real to me

It's because of you
that I write heartbreak love song
sIt because of you
that I think twice before letting go
It's because of you
that I can't give myself
the chance to find something new...
Because of you

A mantra to get me through the day...

Never let them see you cry
Never let them see you cry
Never let them see your pain
Never let them know the caused it
Never let them open your heart
Never let them see you cry
Never let them see you cry
Never let them touch your soul
Never let them see they won
Never let them know they won
Never let them see you cry
Never let them read your mind
Never let them see you crumble
Never let them know you love them
Never let them see you cry

everytime i lie... (it's a song)

low voltage warning
coming tomorrow morning
i found the cure for aids
i forgot what it is
in the darkness I see sunlight
hand me the spotlight
sold myself on Ebay
i'll meet my new friend next Tuesday
i'll never stop dreaming of the moonlight
i wonder why I cry all the time

everytime I'm lying longer
everytime you're getting stronger
everytime I'm getting better
everytime you getting closer
everytime I screaming louder
everytime we running faster

i am miss independent
i read a book but I never can end it
keep trying to wake up
can't seem to put on my makeup
i'll never fall in love
i can count the stars above
my grammar gets better over time
these sunglasses are messing up my mind

everytime I'm lying longer
everytime you're getting stronger
everytime I'm getting better
everytime you getting closer
everytime I screaming louder
everytime we're running faster
everytime we're running out of time

..my mourning..

I threw a lily on the water this morning
praying you knew who it came from
I cried so hard
the pain from my heart
moved to the front of my head
Getting letters from a child
praying for my health
I found myself
tormented praying for myself
As my migraine grew stronger
I prayed it would go away
I went to townto find some joy
all I found were withered hearts
The cemeteries were
full of listless souls
I had to bury
a simple joy todayas it had died
smothered by it's warming home
I didn't bother to brush away the maggots
It was already gone
I looked for another lily
for my lost joy
I found a daisy
but I just couldn't tear it away