I'm ready....

The past two days have been strange.
I've had nothing to do, besides work.
No Josh.
No theatre.
No errands.
So strange.
I literally went to work, came home, did a couple of chores, and that was it.
Yeah.
I almost went stir-crazy Monday.
Yesterday, I was so dog-tired, I had no drive.
I never realized how LIFE consuming a show would be, though I love it.
Sunday is the last day.
It's sort of bittersweet.
I'm glad that I'll get my life back, but I'll miss the kids.
I'll miss the show and the story....
I suppose scrapbooking the millions of pictures and little knick-knacks will help.
And I'm submitting a production for this summer, A Kidsummer Night's Dream, so I should probably focus on getting that started.
My weekends will be free for time with Josh, or to go review various productions around Central Ohio....
I just need to get through this weekend.
THEN we'll see how I feel...

2009= 2008 + more...

Wow.
after 360-some odd days, it's hard to believe there are less than 6 hours left in the year 2008.
It's also interesting to think that I am not the only person thinking about it right now...
Here in the final hours of 2008, I find comfort in the fact that I am not alone in this universe...
That millions of others are also speculating what 2009 will bring, and what 2008 presented....
for me, I can sum up my 2008 in a few words...
FREEDOM.
-I stopped working for Wal-mart at the beginning of the year.
-I turned 21. HA!
FAMILY
-Junia started her senior year....
AGH!!!!
-Mike, Tammy, and the girls moved down to our neck of the woods.
-Madison started Kindergarten.
AGH!
-Nevaeh turned a year old.
AGH!
-My goofy cousin Eric got married!
So sad I was sick and couldn't go...
But it still happened...
FRIENDSHIP.
-I started working at the Tuscan Table and found soooo many new folks with whom I could cavort.
-I also found several new amigos with the cast of Lear.... Fabulous, fabulous!
-I feel I have renewed my friendship with Tyler....
It's almost a co-dependent relationship now...
lol
LOVE.
(I hate that word sometimes...)
-Though Stephen and I are still friends, our relationship ended in May.
TOTALLY for the best.
-Ray remarried...
4th times a charm. ;-)
-I watched Junia agonize through three relationships over the course of the year, all of which ended with her tears....
-All of our friends rejoiced when Sam finally dropped Cole.
SO happy that is over....
Except for the whole baby part of it.
That will be exciting.
-Sam is having a baby girl!!!!
That is one more special person for us to love.
-I fell more in love with Shakespeare.
Big surprise...
-I was finally successful in kicking an agonizing crush to the curb, so to speak.
I finally had a moment of "This is never going to go anywhere..."
A moment of clarity, if you will.
And that is all it took.
Hizzah!
(That could actually go under the freedom category as well....)
-I realized a love interest or two that I didn't recognize before...
Potential, anyone???
THEATRE.
(Surprise, surprise...)
-I got to work with some super cool people at Wagnalls family Theatre with their children's production of Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe.
-I was the assistant director for Pinocchio at RTP, which was A-mazing.
-I became the musical theatre instructor for the Charmion Performing Arts Center in Circleville...
Totally WOOOT!
-I got an audience appreciation award for Mad Woman of Challiot with RTP.
-The board at RTP voted Treasure Island for the children's production for the 2008-2009 season, meaning I get to direct!!!
-I fell in love with another amazing production by that crazy Bard, Willie S., and I got to really stretch my wing in the deliciously malicious role of Regan.
-I fell in love with another deliciously amazing cast with King Lear.
-I finally got to see a live production of RHPS...
Hated it, but I got to see it...
-I helped with TVHS' production of MacBeth...
Totally B.A.

2008 was an active and productive year for lil Miss Tahrea, I must say.
And what of 2009?
I wonder what it holds...
I can expect several blunders of various sorts.
Theatrical happenings.
Many more friends and acquaintances...
More anger.
More laughter.
Maybe more love, which will more than likely result in more despite if I choose the wrong person.
Again.

I guess...
2009 will be more of the same...
and more.

Illness and Death... and a moment of beautiful and poetic clarity...

There is something about vomiting that reminds me of death.
Sometimes it hurts.
Sometimes it makes you wish for better times.
Sometimes it makes one wish you had done things differently in the past.
But, as always, if you are sick, like death, it is something that is quite inevitable, and sometimes you find yourself sitting there just waiting for it to come...
Such was my day Saturday.
Actually, I found myself musing the above as I hovered in the bathroom, waiting for the inevitable.
Luckily, I awoke yesterday feeling well enough to eat my mother's chili for dinner.
THEN, today, I was well enough to go to work.
Hizzah!
Illness works in such strange ways...

While at work today, I saw a strange sight...
I noticed several sheriff cars go by the restaurant.
One..
Another one..
and another...
Walking outside the front doors, I saw that there were police, Highway patrol, Sheriff, Fire Dept., and various other types law enforcement vehicles parading down the road.
After a minute of gazing, I realized they were on their way to or from the funeral of a sheriff deputy who died this past week.
For some strange reason, I found this sight to be peculiarly and poetically beautiful...
So many people honoring one man...
I dunno...
Call me strange.
It was a moment where the world seemed to stand still...
Where nothing else matter.
Unfortunately, I had to pull myself away from the outside and return back to the restaurant and obligations.

It's because of you

I see your name
I hesitate to answer
I feel the pain
I thought I had
moved past it
Yet here I am
again agonizing
trying in vain
to pretend
that I'm not overly
curious about you

It's because of you
that I write heartbreak love songs
It because of you
that I think twice before letting go
It's because of you
that I can't give myself
the chance to fine something new...
Because of you

I hate these days
of going crazy
Just because someone
said you're doing fine.....
by the way
It's so hard to makebelieve
you don't exist
when it obvious
you're so real to me

It's because of you
that I write heartbreak love song
sIt because of you
that I think twice before letting go
It's because of you
that I can't give myself
the chance to find something new...
Because of you

A mantra to get me through the day...

Never let them see you cry
Never let them see you cry
Never let them see your pain
Never let them know the caused it
Never let them open your heart
Never let them see you cry
Never let them see you cry
Never let them touch your soul
Never let them see they won
Never let them know they won
Never let them see you cry
Never let them read your mind
Never let them see you crumble
Never let them know you love them
Never let them see you cry

everytime i lie... (it's a song)

low voltage warning
coming tomorrow morning
i found the cure for aids
i forgot what it is
in the darkness I see sunlight
hand me the spotlight
sold myself on Ebay
i'll meet my new friend next Tuesday
i'll never stop dreaming of the moonlight
i wonder why I cry all the time

everytime I'm lying longer
everytime you're getting stronger
everytime I'm getting better
everytime you getting closer
everytime I screaming louder
everytime we running faster

i am miss independent
i read a book but I never can end it
keep trying to wake up
can't seem to put on my makeup
i'll never fall in love
i can count the stars above
my grammar gets better over time
these sunglasses are messing up my mind

everytime I'm lying longer
everytime you're getting stronger
everytime I'm getting better
everytime you getting closer
everytime I screaming louder
everytime we're running faster
everytime we're running out of time

Blatant Contradictions

I'm in the state of mind
of being out of my mind
I can't think as I dream
thoughts reversing my musings
trying to breath
as I inhale the smoke
Too many faces
on the bodies all around me
I hold onto my drug as I O.D. again
Pushing the needle,
Breathing the seed
Who are these people
who own the bodies?
Do they know they are dying
as they live?
They kiss their tears away
as they laugh
and kill in their times of love
the caresses in a hug
hold so many lies
as truths carry notes
of satirical melodies
The players are puppets
Dancing mercilessly
to a forgotten song
They can cut the strings
but they forgot how
Do you see their tears
as they sing of Jesus?
Preacher and the choir
listen to my speech playing
Check your timepiece still ticks
Don't yawn as you fall asleep
Don't contradict yourself
the congregations eyes see all
We evolve as we regress
into our childlike thoughts
and mentalities
Use the pacifiers
God presented us
the day we first took the high
Take orders from
our heavenly father
to use Mother Nature
against herself
Hypocrisy thrives
in this world
of lunatics
Pinch yourself of dreams
and what they could mean
Wake up screaming lets you know
you're alive
Don't worry about me
I'll haunt you when I'm dead