Insomniac poem

My heart is heavy with the pains that my insomnia brings. 
And one thing I can't help but wonder is what I would be doing in my dreams. 
And if I were to dream, I wonder if it would involve you and me.
And if I dreamed of you and me, would that me sad or happy?
See, lately, I've been thinking of the things you've never said to me.
These things you may not ever say, or never think to say or sing.
And so I sit and think, for I fear to dream...
Because I fear I'd dream of you and me.

.fly, songbird, fly.

Appealing to your arrogance 
is the only way you'll ever see me.
Your songbird style never stops
causing my heart to bleed.
And yet
I let you keep on singing your song,
I let it plant its seeds in my brain,
in my heart.
And I let you smile on your way,
causing me to tear apart.


And I just want to scream
Fly, songbird, fly
by and by.
Don't take my heart 
when you leave.


But all I want is for you to
sing, songbird sing.
Dream, songbird, dream.
And take my heart
and never leave.


I keep holding onto you, 
praying you're grasping 
for me too. 
I keep bringing up the past
hoping the memories will make
these precious moments last.
Shading me in your wings, 
I never know what you will sing.


Which is why I just want you to
fly, songbird, fly
by and by.
Don't take my heart
when you leave.


But all I want is for you to
sing, songbird, sing, 
Dream, songbird, dream.
And take my heart and never leave.

.The diva is doomed.

The diva surrounds herself
with friends and emotion,
always fearing time spent alone,
for there the truth finds her.
The diva smiles for the crowd
But below the act,
Below the diva's stage,
her foundation is crumbling.
The diva covers her pain and troubles
with makeup and band-aids.
The diva's unrelenting ability to destroy
is her downfall.
The diva is tortured by the demons
she has created.
The diva has no room for clothes
in her closet, full of skeletons.
The diva has compromised her life,
her emotions,
her relationships.
The diva is now haunted by her mistakes,
yet continues to fail her loved ones.
One day the diva will discover true loneliness.
She will discover the bottom of the empty bottle.
No script will save her speech
when all charisma is sucked away from her eyes.
No role will spare her from real emotion.
No revival will save the diva's soul.

.I'm angry.

I'm angry.
I'm angry because you keep bringing me down.
I'm angry because I wasn't good enough for you.
I'm angry because you didn't give me a chance.
I'm angry because you suck at decision making.
I'm angry because you're an idiot.
I'm angry because I don't feel like I've won.
I'm angry because I you make me feel second best.
I'm angry because I feel used.
I'm angry because I'm not good enough for you.
I'm angry because you keep disappointing me.
I'm angry because I can't get over this pain.
I'm angry because I can't really smile. 
I'm angry because I have no hope.
I'm angry because I can't win.
I'm angry because I'll never be good enough for you. 

My name is Taaaaaah-reeeeeee-aaaaaaah

*This blog is in response to a blog post by one of my past theatre dads, Doug Whaley: http://douglaswhaley.blogspot.com/2012/05/naming-your-baby-some-mistakes-to-avoid*

   Tahrea.
 I've been called Tara, Tiara (my cousin's name, btw), Teresa, Tahera- every obscure or thinkable configuration of T's, A's, and R's imaginable. "No, it's Teresa without the S." "Maria with a T." Some people just don't get it. So many times I've been told it's an "ethnic" name or a "black girl's" name (racist, I know).  After pronouncing it twice and spelling it out, I then have to explain its origin, 1st Chronicles 9:41. THEN I have to explain that Tahrea (or Tarea, as it's spelled in 1st Chronicles 8:35) was a son of Ahaz, and that, YES, it is a guy's name. *sigh*
   I used to hate my name so much when I was a kid. I hated that it was one more thing that seemed to add to my being unpopular and different from my peers. Middle school was particularly painful. It wasn't until I became a young adult that I realized how awesome it was to be such an individual. I now dread the thought of finding another Tahrea in the world, lol. It's my name. The great thing about my name, haha, is that even if you can't remember how to pronounce it, you know it's different. When we meet again, it's in your head, somewhere. After the first or second time, it's stuck. And that makes me unforgettable. And I'm ok with that. :o)

Oh! I forgot to mention the songs. OH, the songs..... Just replace Maria and you have my childhood.....

And my sister figured this one out several years ago. heh. Clever kid. Sometimes.
(My sister, JUNIA. Jew-knee-ah. Same rant, different Bible verse. At least her namesake was a chick. Google that one.)

Today brought in the Newspaper Man (An original writing.)

I wrote this in 2009. 
__________________________
Today brought in the newspaper man.
He seemed kinda down as I poured him a round,
and he looked at me and said,
"I've had nothing to write since they stopped their
fights.
No more guns, no more war.No more rich or poor.
They settle their differences, nothing worth fighting
for.
No more wealth or fame, which are said to cause pain.
And you won't find conviction, and no drug addictions.
Everyone gets high on life.
You'll be hard pressed to find a guy who's stressed
and finds it neccessary to cheat on his wife.
And the children, it seems, have no reason to scream,
save a few playground games.
I'm no longer too criticial of thoughts political, and
the crooks that used to run their schemes.
The government is now a sentiment, and men can really
live their dreams.
No newborn religion or cult-like divisions.
The country's a bit more centered on the hope of
peace and love (though it's all a bit obscure to me.)
And old baptist preachers and other like leaders
are finding it easier to collect their believers.
No one believes it is fun to deceive or attempt any
wrong in any way...
No, it seems, my friend, there's no good news today."

Green Eggs, NO ham: My Easter discovery

 After church, I came home and I was BORED. SO BORED. So I began experiment on an Easter tradition- Deviled Eggs. The results were green. :o)

Ingredients:

7 hard-boiled eggs, peeled


1 ripe avocado


1/2 tsp lime juice


1 Tbsp finely minced red onion


2 Tbsp finely chopped cilantro


A few dashes of Tabasco sauce


A few dashes of Pepper and Salt

Directions:

Cut eggs in half lengthwise. Carefully scoop out the yolks and put into a medium bowl. Put egg halves onto a platter and put into the fridge.



With a fork, crumble up the egg yolks. Cut avocado in half and remove the pit. Scoop out the inside from both halves and add it to the egg yolks. With a spoon, mix well, until the yolks and avocado are creamy. Add lime juice and mix well. Add red onion, cilantro, Tabasco, pepper and salt. Mix well to combine.



Remove egg halves from the fridge. Scoop avocado yolk mixture into the egg halves. You can garnish each egg with cilantro. Serve immediately as avocado will brown. 


(The flavor is much like guacamole. Try it!!!) :o)