Monday, February 22, 2010

How Great Thou Art

  • Verse 1:
O Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the works Thy hands have made.
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.
Refrain:
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee;
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee:
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
  • Verse 2:
And when I think that God, His Son not sparing,
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin:
(Repeat Refrain.)
  • Verse3:
When Christ shall come with shouts of acclamation
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration,
And there proclaim, my God, how great Thou art!
(Repeat Refrain.)

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Death is a cruel reality

I cannot express the pain that everyone feels when losing  a loved one. Everyone deals with it differently. As I stood in that hospital room surrounded by my aunt, uncles, and mother, along with most of their children and spouses, I felt mixed emotions. We all sat around my grandfather's body as it rested in his bed. We all cried at different intervals. I kept looking at my grandmother, who hadn't shed a tear. I know she will cry, and perhaps she already has. I just haven't seen it. I bawled. I couldn't help it. It is still a pain that I will have to cope with for some time. Grief is a terrible thing. I became more heart broken as my uncle Mike arrived with his family in tow. The three youngsters still have yet to grasp the harsh concept of death and loss, but my darling seven year old cousin Madison has recently become acquainted with it. Upon arrival, she was red faced and watery-eyed. My goal was to help her understand what would be happening this evening and what had happened to grandpa. It took her an hour to muster up the.... strength? Courage? I don't know what it was..... the... whatever to actually look at grandpa. The five year old, Grace, repeated her father's simplistic means of helping and said, "He just looks like he's sleeping, Madison." in her adorable lispy speech. I made several phone calls and received a multitude of texts messages over the course of the evening. We all did. I watched mom and uncle Rich both check their phones as much as I did. Man, Death is a cruel reality.
As I sit here now, alone with the exception of the sleeping form of my seven year old cousin stretched across my love seat, I relive that fresh pain of knowing my grandfather is gone and my grandmother has lost her husband and best friend. Part of me wishes I knew how she felt and what she was thinking. The other part of me wishes to never know, as it must be an emotion far worse than my own, which is terrible and heartbreaking as it is. Tomorrow, mom, Junia, and I will go over to my grandparents'-my grandmother's- and we shall begin the process of whatever it is one does during this time. I am almost terrified of what will happen over the next few days. I only know that I will say goodbye to my grandfather this week, and that is one awful conclusion. I wish everyone I know and everyone who reads this could have known John Dodrill and how wonderful he truly was. There will never be another person like him.
The viewing is Wednesday 2-4 and 6-8 at the Oliver-Cheek Funeral Home in Ashville. The Funeral is Thursday at 10 AM at the Village Chapel in Ashville. He will then be buried in Vinton County near his parents.

God bless you Grandpa.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

A late night moment with Grandpa...

It's about 1:30 AM. I have been here since 10:30 PM and shall stay until about 9:30 AM. I'm sitting on a hospital bed parallel to my grandfather. He is perpetually moaning and twitching in his sleep. Each time the nurse comes in to check on him or give him more medication, I have to gently wake him. It sucks. His eyes are bleary and red and don't completely grasp all the information their gaze captures. I try to ignore the random beeps and coughs that echo down the hall. I've become well aware of the constant ticking clock on the wall above me, indicating each second that goes by. I watch as my grandfather's hands, hands that have always been hard working and loving, now spell and sign out words in hallucinated conversations. Throughout his erratic movements he manages to slump against the plastic rail of the bed. I get up and gently move his head, adjusting his pillow so he has more cushion and a bit more comfort. He wakes up and smiles. I repeatedly ask him if he wants me to move the bed for more comfort. After a few failed attempts he grasps my message and nods. He finds a comfortable position and smiles, holds my hand, and doses back off into his drug induced unknown, leaving me to hold back the tears welling in my eyes. It's so hard to watch one of  the strongest men of my life thrashing under the rule of medication and physical pain.
....
....
How much longer does he have, God? How much longer?

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Another small realization of God's work in my life..........................

One scripture that gets me the most is "Be still and know I am God." UGH! To me, that means "Chill out and know that I'm here; I'll take care of it." That speaks volumes to me, being impatient and always on the run. Lately, I've had so much crap piling on top of me that I had forgotten to stop and give it to God. In that moment moment when I finally realized the err of my ways, I stopped and shoved it off. I continued to try and pray, communicating with Him and allowing him to work through my crap for me. But, being stubborn, I kept going back to my issues, freaking out and stressing out and He kept telling me to just chill. "But what about my car? What about the costumes, rehearsals, tech, lighting, props and the programs for the play? What about Grandpa? What about my job?" SOOO many questions!!! He just keeps saying "BE STILL. I am here." So I've been trying to breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaathe and remember He never gives me more than I can handle. Isn't that interesting? He never gives us more than we can handle. That means whatever we're going through, we are guaranteed able to get through it as long as we trust in Him. The really funny thing is when I discover how he helps me, how he answers my prayers. It's never what is expected. And why not? He's GOD. He's a tricksey one, lol.
One thing that has really inspired me is the journey some really great people have been going through. I have had the pleasure and joy of knowing this wonderful family through RTP, the Warners. They and their kids have been involved with the past several children's shows and I've have gotten to know them and just love them. Over the past two years, Mark and Kris have been working through the adoption system in attempts to adopt a baby. At first their journey led them to Vietnam, and now to Taiwan, where they are so close to getting their baby boy, Samuel Isaac Chia-Shun. Their stories of this tedious and crazy journey are amazing and truly exhibit how God works in people's lives. I think everyone should check out their blog which a chronicle of each step they have taken. I'm so happy that they are going to get little Samuel in the beginning of March, and I cannot wait to finally meet this baby that has already touched so many hearts and lives, including mine. Mark and Kris' story is truly one of trusting in God and believing that He will deliver, especially in times when they didn't know where they were going to get money or answers.
http://warneradoption.blogspot.com/
I was interested to see what Samuel's Taiwanese name, Chia-Shun meant, so I looked it up. "Chia" means One who is born in the daylight or "surrounded by light". WOW. "Shun" means Speed; smooth, agreeable. Then I looked at Samuel and Isaac. "Samuel" means God heard, or asked of God; requested of God. "Isaac" means (This my favorite) Laughter or He will laugh. 
Thank you God for blessing me with so much, and continuing to do so. Thank you for blessing me with friends who uplift when I feel down, and giving me the opportunity to do so in return. Thank you for all you've done with these situations. You know the needs and you know the perfect timing for all. Thank you. Please keep me and all who read this safe this week, and continue to reveal yourself to us as only you know how. Touch those who need to know you are there and use us to touch each other. 
Amen. 

Saturday, February 6, 2010

One of my Musical Theatre Class songs: One Day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVtuMrsddrA