This week is almost over.
All that awaits us now is Opening Night, tomorrow night, and Sunday afternoon.
(And Brush-up and next weekend's performances of course)
I'm tired, excited, nervous, frazzled, and perturbed all at the same time.
I feel that I still have so much to do in so little time.
After work today, I have to run a few errands, open up the theatre for parents to bring gifts and whatnot, get my own gifts prepared before cast members arrive, finish up last minute paint jobs and tidy up backstage, and get myself ready.
Argh.
Can I do it?
Sure.
lol
Maybe....
We shall see.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
2009, thus far.... and a fear revisited and revised...
http://rtpgurl.blogspot.com/2008/12/2009-2008-more.html
In a previous blog, I asked what 2009 would have in store for me.
I think it is safe to say that by April 5th, four major events will have occurred/have occured....
1.) I am FINALLY dating Josh Boley.
2.) Samantha will FINALLY present Baby Ava to the world.
3.) I will have successfully directed my first show.
4.) I will have turned 22 on March 30th.
VERY exciting stuff.
Not many people know this, but I have a terrible and HIGHLY IRRATIONAL fear of zombies.
(Pause for laughter)
I'm not kidding at all.
It totally outweighs my fears of clowns or water.
(Pause for more laughter)
I strive to avoid any and all movies, TV Shows, and converstations dealing with the subject, with one terrible exception.
A few years ago, Max and I sat down and watched The Thing, and then segued into Dawn of the Dead (The new one with Ving Rhames.)
Biggest mistake ever.
I thought watching the movie would help me face my fear.
HA.
It totally just exacerbated the problem, and worsened my fear.
For whatever reason, the theme entered my dreams last night, causing me to shoot up out of bed, panting and sweating.
Basically, Josh was a zombie, as were several people around him, but they were intelligent and were able to function as normal human beings.
Only with the overwhelming desire to eat me.
Luckily, he loved me enough to control it.
(Cheesy, I know.)
So it was kinda like they were vampires, but not.
After calming down, praying to God to calm me down, and realizing that Josh isn't a zombie that really wants to eat me, I realized the concept of intelligent zombies wasn't a bad one, especially if one were write a screenplay.....
I'm going to play with it a bit and see what happens, but I think I'm on to something...
In a previous blog, I asked what 2009 would have in store for me.
I think it is safe to say that by April 5th, four major events will have occurred/have occured....
1.) I am FINALLY dating Josh Boley.
2.) Samantha will FINALLY present Baby Ava to the world.
3.) I will have successfully directed my first show.
4.) I will have turned 22 on March 30th.
VERY exciting stuff.
Not many people know this, but I have a terrible and HIGHLY IRRATIONAL fear of zombies.
(Pause for laughter)
I'm not kidding at all.
It totally outweighs my fears of clowns or water.
(Pause for more laughter)
I strive to avoid any and all movies, TV Shows, and converstations dealing with the subject, with one terrible exception.
A few years ago, Max and I sat down and watched The Thing, and then segued into Dawn of the Dead (The new one with Ving Rhames.)
Biggest mistake ever.
I thought watching the movie would help me face my fear.
HA.
It totally just exacerbated the problem, and worsened my fear.
For whatever reason, the theme entered my dreams last night, causing me to shoot up out of bed, panting and sweating.
Basically, Josh was a zombie, as were several people around him, but they were intelligent and were able to function as normal human beings.
Only with the overwhelming desire to eat me.
Luckily, he loved me enough to control it.
(Cheesy, I know.)
So it was kinda like they were vampires, but not.
After calming down, praying to God to calm me down, and realizing that Josh isn't a zombie that really wants to eat me, I realized the concept of intelligent zombies wasn't a bad one, especially if one were write a screenplay.....
I'm going to play with it a bit and see what happens, but I think I'm on to something...
Sunday, March 22, 2009
A frighteningly wonderful thing...
Last night, among other things, Josh and I got onto the conversation about the future.
As in OUR future.
Together.
I gotta say, it's an amazing thing about which to think.
The idea of one day marrying Josh has never been far-fetched, but now...
It's absolutely surreal and fantastic.
And the fact that, one day, it's going to happen is beyond words.
It's hard to believe this is it.
I'm slightly peeved that we have to wait a couple of years, with college and all, but I'm willing to keep the boyfriend/girlfriend/dating theme going, taking solace in the fact that we are both sold on the idea of getting married.
The only downside to this whole thing, besides the waiting part, is knowing we HAVE TO PLAN A WEDDING.
Ugh.
I am totally content with driving down to Vegas and getting hitched there.
UNFORTUNATELY, he and I both know our mothers would KILL us if such a stunt was attempted.
argh.
Fortunately, there is still plenty of time for all the details, and, for now, Josh and I will just focus on bettering ourselves and our relationship in order to reach that goal.
Three years isn't that long of a time, right?
As in OUR future.
Together.
I gotta say, it's an amazing thing about which to think.
The idea of one day marrying Josh has never been far-fetched, but now...
It's absolutely surreal and fantastic.
And the fact that, one day, it's going to happen is beyond words.
It's hard to believe this is it.
I'm slightly peeved that we have to wait a couple of years, with college and all, but I'm willing to keep the boyfriend/girlfriend/dating theme going, taking solace in the fact that we are both sold on the idea of getting married.
The only downside to this whole thing, besides the waiting part, is knowing we HAVE TO PLAN A WEDDING.
Ugh.
I am totally content with driving down to Vegas and getting hitched there.
UNFORTUNATELY, he and I both know our mothers would KILL us if such a stunt was attempted.
argh.
Fortunately, there is still plenty of time for all the details, and, for now, Josh and I will just focus on bettering ourselves and our relationship in order to reach that goal.
Three years isn't that long of a time, right?
Friday, March 20, 2009
It's not enough to say I love you...
As he held her close she knew that he loved her.
As he stroked her hair,
he knew he couldn't keep her much longer.
Suddenly it seemed, too quickly gone...
And suddenly, as the moon light shone,
she felt him sigh as she pulled away
and she knew he didn't know what to say...
"You'll never truly know how I feel
when others ask me if it's real,
if this feeling is fleeting or true.
It's not enough just to say I love you.
Though the moon may not shine,
though we've limited time...
No matter how our life goes,
I'll never stop until the whole world knows...
They'll always ask me if it's fleeting or true
because it's not enough to say I love you."
With a kiss on her cheek and a smile on his face,
he sighed again as she pulled into his embrace...
"It doesn't matter that we can't stop time.
It doesn't matter if sun or moon don't shine.
I really don't care if the world tries to bring me down...
You keep me soaring though I'm standing on solid ground.
No matter what we may go through...
You're right...
It's not enough to say I love you."
As he stroked her hair,
he knew he couldn't keep her much longer.
Suddenly it seemed, too quickly gone...
And suddenly, as the moon light shone,
she felt him sigh as she pulled away
and she knew he didn't know what to say...
"You'll never truly know how I feel
when others ask me if it's real,
if this feeling is fleeting or true.
It's not enough just to say I love you.
Though the moon may not shine,
though we've limited time...
No matter how our life goes,
I'll never stop until the whole world knows...
They'll always ask me if it's fleeting or true
because it's not enough to say I love you."
With a kiss on her cheek and a smile on his face,
he sighed again as she pulled into his embrace...
"It doesn't matter that we can't stop time.
It doesn't matter if sun or moon don't shine.
I really don't care if the world tries to bring me down...
You keep me soaring though I'm standing on solid ground.
No matter what we may go through...
You're right...
It's not enough to say I love you."
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Don't judge me by the baby....
For the past 24 hours, I've been toting around a 18 month-old.
It has been absolutely bizarre.
I took her to Wal-mart, and received the condenscending smile from older women (the one that says "Aw... Look at the little slut...).
Then, I have the immense pleasure of taking her to the theatre for play practice.
She did quite well in the theatre.
She followed me around as I moved props about on the stage, and found a new hiding spot inside the mast.
Once Carol (the Tech Goddess) arrived and started playing music, Nevaeh gave quite a show of doing her little baby dance onstage as I clapped and thumped along.
After rehearsal, she became slightly demonic and I brought her home.
Bathing a small child proved to be quite a task, to be sure.
lol
After combing her hair and giving her a bottle, I wisked her away to her crib.
This morning, we had to go to Kroger to get chinese food ingredients.
I loath taking a small child into a big store like Kroger or Wal-mart for the simple fact that I know I will be judged.
Especially in Circleville.
A younger woman, with a young child, sans wedding ring = Somebody's baby mama.
Nevertheless, we made our way to the store.
I found it interesting that I received different looks from the total strangers.
Normally, I'm just a young woman, doing my own thing.
But, today, as I asked the employee to point me in the direction of the rice, I received a smile as the eyes darted from Nevaeh to myself.
Again, I found that pushing the cart, and narrowly missing an impact with an elderly lady, my apologies were met with not a snide "It's okay," but a "Oh, it's alright, dear. Go right on ahead."
Strange.
When I asked a male employee for the green onions, I did not receive the "How you doin'?" smile I tend to get, but the "They are right here, Ma'am."
VERY strange.
I guess the adorable little girl, chugging her bottle, and I in my peacoat and Vera Bradley purse, wearing an expression of urgency, kinda gave off the "married woman doing her morning errands" vibe, and not the "White trash baby mama" vibe.
Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that I was in Kroger and not Wal-mart...
Hmmm...
Coming from a sociological standpoint, I realize that people (especially those who inhabit a small town) tend to pass automatic judgement and predjudice on others, such as young women toting around a child or two.
It is hilarious to think on, yet I know that I too am guiltly of such immediate assumptions.
It's just another example of NOT judging a book by its cover...
It has been absolutely bizarre.
I took her to Wal-mart, and received the condenscending smile from older women (the one that says "Aw... Look at the little slut...).
Then, I have the immense pleasure of taking her to the theatre for play practice.
She did quite well in the theatre.
She followed me around as I moved props about on the stage, and found a new hiding spot inside the mast.
Once Carol (the Tech Goddess) arrived and started playing music, Nevaeh gave quite a show of doing her little baby dance onstage as I clapped and thumped along.
After rehearsal, she became slightly demonic and I brought her home.
Bathing a small child proved to be quite a task, to be sure.
lol
After combing her hair and giving her a bottle, I wisked her away to her crib.
This morning, we had to go to Kroger to get chinese food ingredients.
I loath taking a small child into a big store like Kroger or Wal-mart for the simple fact that I know I will be judged.
Especially in Circleville.
A younger woman, with a young child, sans wedding ring = Somebody's baby mama.
Nevertheless, we made our way to the store.
I found it interesting that I received different looks from the total strangers.
Normally, I'm just a young woman, doing my own thing.
But, today, as I asked the employee to point me in the direction of the rice, I received a smile as the eyes darted from Nevaeh to myself.
Again, I found that pushing the cart, and narrowly missing an impact with an elderly lady, my apologies were met with not a snide "It's okay," but a "Oh, it's alright, dear. Go right on ahead."
Strange.
When I asked a male employee for the green onions, I did not receive the "How you doin'?" smile I tend to get, but the "They are right here, Ma'am."
VERY strange.
I guess the adorable little girl, chugging her bottle, and I in my peacoat and Vera Bradley purse, wearing an expression of urgency, kinda gave off the "married woman doing her morning errands" vibe, and not the "White trash baby mama" vibe.
Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that I was in Kroger and not Wal-mart...
Hmmm...
Coming from a sociological standpoint, I realize that people (especially those who inhabit a small town) tend to pass automatic judgement and predjudice on others, such as young women toting around a child or two.
It is hilarious to think on, yet I know that I too am guiltly of such immediate assumptions.
It's just another example of NOT judging a book by its cover...
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Love hurts, but sometimes it's a good hurt....
I saw a little girl today.
She was adorable.
She seemed happy, yet I wanted nothing more than to hug her.
I felt like crying every time I looked at her.
She truly broke my heart.
For the first time, I seriously realized that having a child in my life would be amazing.
One day in the far future, of course.
After work, I couldn't shake this overwhelming feeling of depondency.
I really hope the depression doesn't come back.
After practice, James and I painted the mast, and Tyler stopped by.
I was so glad to see him, and the two of them managed to get me laughing hysterically.
Note to self: James + Tyler + Tahrea= peals of laughter and stitches in sides
I feel blessed to have friends who can pull me out of sadness, even when they have no idea what's going on.
Tomorrow, I ship the grandparents and Madison off to the airport and, thus, begin the adventure with Nevaeh.
I've got that one til 4:30 Friday afternoon.
I'm totally pumped.
It'll be great to bond with her.
Plus, it will totally reinstill the fact that I am SOOOOOOOO not ready for kids.
HIZZAH!
She was adorable.
She seemed happy, yet I wanted nothing more than to hug her.
I felt like crying every time I looked at her.
She truly broke my heart.
For the first time, I seriously realized that having a child in my life would be amazing.
One day in the far future, of course.
After work, I couldn't shake this overwhelming feeling of depondency.
I really hope the depression doesn't come back.
After practice, James and I painted the mast, and Tyler stopped by.
I was so glad to see him, and the two of them managed to get me laughing hysterically.
Note to self: James + Tyler + Tahrea= peals of laughter and stitches in sides
I feel blessed to have friends who can pull me out of sadness, even when they have no idea what's going on.
Tomorrow, I ship the grandparents and Madison off to the airport and, thus, begin the adventure with Nevaeh.
I've got that one til 4:30 Friday afternoon.
I'm totally pumped.
It'll be great to bond with her.
Plus, it will totally reinstill the fact that I am SOOOOOOOO not ready for kids.
HIZZAH!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
A poem with not title....
Wine staining her lips
and fire-burning fingertips...
You can see it in her eyes,
though the love in her kiss
holds no lies...
"Come, my philosopher,
and hold me close."
Her words make you forget
where you are...
You drink in the moment,
the chance,
to draw her in to dance.
Her breath intoxicates you
and her sighs captivate you
as she professes her love.
The midnight skies
twinkle with winking eyes above,
banishing doubt and judgement.
A stolen kiss to seal the truth...
Another sigh escapes the gentle mouth...
Both hearts break as time doesn't stand still,
and you know it is time to leave,
against all of your will.
Take comfort as you drive away...
She'll wish you'd stay
and pray you home safe...
Then dream your return
and love, revisited.
And she'll say again,
"Come, my philosopher,
and hold me close."
Her words make you forget
where you are...
You drink in the moment,
the chance,
to draw her in to hold her,
kiss her,
and dance.
and fire-burning fingertips...
You can see it in her eyes,
though the love in her kiss
holds no lies...
"Come, my philosopher,
and hold me close."
Her words make you forget
where you are...
You drink in the moment,
the chance,
to draw her in to dance.
Her breath intoxicates you
and her sighs captivate you
as she professes her love.
The midnight skies
twinkle with winking eyes above,
banishing doubt and judgement.
A stolen kiss to seal the truth...
Another sigh escapes the gentle mouth...
Both hearts break as time doesn't stand still,
and you know it is time to leave,
against all of your will.
Take comfort as you drive away...
She'll wish you'd stay
and pray you home safe...
Then dream your return
and love, revisited.
And she'll say again,
"Come, my philosopher,
and hold me close."
Her words make you forget
where you are...
You drink in the moment,
the chance,
to draw her in to hold her,
kiss her,
and dance.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
My insanity....
Treasure Island is in full swing, having just started our 4th week of rehearsals last night.
Despite slight hiccups and pitfalls along the way, all is well at RTP.
I find it interesting that several things happen that no one ever warns you about...
No one ever mentioned how often parents and actors alike email/call you.
Or the fact that you CANNOT do it all on your own, and that delegation is a beautiful thing.
I mean, I totally love it, but it can be slightly overwhelming.
It goes beyond just telling people where to stand onstage and how to do it.
SO BEYOND.
But, I'd be lying if I didn't say I was having the time of my life.
James and I are so enjoying ourselves as we take this crazy journey and really delve into our creative sides.
For the first time tonight, we had the Inn in its entirety.
The set.
For the Inn.
Was onstage.
A-MAZING......
It made me so happy to physically/literally pull everything onstage tonight and see my vision there, in a tangible form.
Agh, it was fantastic.
Josh and I are offically an item, I guess you could say.
I've never been this sure about a relationship before.
He and I are so amazing for each other.
We've always loved each other, since our friendship has lasted 6-some odd years....
I'm really excited to see where it goes.
I read a really interesting passage yesterday that really got me thinking....
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 (New International Version - UK)
3 It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
4 that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honourable,
5 not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God;
6 and that in this matter no-one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you.
7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life
8 Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.
Despite slight hiccups and pitfalls along the way, all is well at RTP.
I find it interesting that several things happen that no one ever warns you about...
No one ever mentioned how often parents and actors alike email/call you.
Or the fact that you CANNOT do it all on your own, and that delegation is a beautiful thing.
I mean, I totally love it, but it can be slightly overwhelming.
It goes beyond just telling people where to stand onstage and how to do it.
SO BEYOND.
But, I'd be lying if I didn't say I was having the time of my life.
James and I are so enjoying ourselves as we take this crazy journey and really delve into our creative sides.
For the first time tonight, we had the Inn in its entirety.
The set.
For the Inn.
Was onstage.
A-MAZING......
It made me so happy to physically/literally pull everything onstage tonight and see my vision there, in a tangible form.
Agh, it was fantastic.
Josh and I are offically an item, I guess you could say.
I've never been this sure about a relationship before.
He and I are so amazing for each other.
We've always loved each other, since our friendship has lasted 6-some odd years....
I'm really excited to see where it goes.
I read a really interesting passage yesterday that really got me thinking....
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 (New International Version - UK)
3 It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
4 that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honourable,
5 not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God;
6 and that in this matter no-one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you.
7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life
8 Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
My evening lament.....
Dancing to your songs, invisible arms around me as I sway....
Words in your head, too early to say....
Miles of separation meant to keep us close
divide us as I lend a smile to your ghost....
My hands are dirty, my tears mingle with the freshly fallen paint...
Your unspoken words a comfort, but it's not the same...
These new emotions realized
don't help the sadness in my sighs...
Where are you tonight?
I wish you were mine...
Tonight...
Words in your head, too early to say....
Miles of separation meant to keep us close
divide us as I lend a smile to your ghost....
My hands are dirty, my tears mingle with the freshly fallen paint...
Your unspoken words a comfort, but it's not the same...
These new emotions realized
don't help the sadness in my sighs...
Where are you tonight?
I wish you were mine...
Tonight...
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