My grandpa John

Today we found out my grandfather only has a few months to live.
His pancreatic cancer has spread to his liver.
He cannot do anymore treatment and hospice starts tomorrow.
My overall emotion is sadness, mixed with slight anger.
One of my first thoughts when I heard this news was that I, being the oldest grandchild, had hoped all of my grandparents would see me get married and have a child or two, their first great grandchildren.
That kinda hurts more than anything.
I've been dealing with random spurts of tears for the past couple of hours, and I'm sure this will continue as time passes.
Our goal as a family is to make sure this Holiday season is the best we can make it, for grandpa's sake.

I as for prayers for my grandparents as they figure out financial and living arrangements, and for comfort in these last few months.

I'm not sure how things are going to go, but we'll try to make everything as smooth as possible.

God, give us strength and peace.

Me singing "Joey"

Last week.........................

I realized I haven't written a blog in a while now.
I kinda suck.
But here I am.
Ha.
....
...
..
.
Anyways...
So, the show is going really well.
I love the cast.
I love the characters.
Danielle is a great director.
I love working with her and she has so many great ideas for the characters and the show, but she allows us to explore our characters and discover who "we" are for ourselves.
Like...
Bianca.
She is a pretty terrible person.
She is spoiled.
She is conniving.
She is quite......
Lusty.
Kate is the only person who recognizes the true person underneath the masquerade she flaunts.
Bianca, essentially, is the kind of woman I want to beat.
HOWEVER...
It is delicious to play this role.
lol
The show is going to be awesome.

In other, tragic news, my grandfather's pancreatic cancer has spread to his liver.
Yeah.
It sucks.
A lot.
Prayer is pretty much all we can do.
The doctors are going to do a biopsy in a couple of weeks to see how bad it is.
No matter how extreme, it sucks.

I can only imagine how this week is going to go...



I smell your cologne as you leave the room
and insult to injury it lingers on my skin
Your eyes twinkle as you smile
cynical glances tell me you don't care
a careless wave breaks my heart
and I slowly die again.