SEX is not a dirty word

This past Sunday, youth pastor John announced to the church that our youth service would cover the topic of sex. I could tell that there were mixed feelings floating in the sanctuary, which made me laugh a bit. I mean, it is 2011 and people still find certain topics in the church taboo. While it is fine to carry certain social modesties, one must realize that as our world grows around us, our young people are also growing. They are growing in a world of discord and, sadly, gratuitous amounts of debauchery. (It sometimes terrifies me to think about one day raising a child or children in a world such as ours.) Maybe it is because children and young adults are always a priority in my life, but I am always thinking of them and their needs within the world that I can influence. In this case, my main concern at church is the younger generations. Granted, I'm not much older than a lot of the youth but I have been set as a leader in their youth group and their church. Though I'm not usually a serious person, I do take this responsibility seriously. So, when John made his announcement, I was pumped. And as I sat through John's teaching that evening I was pumped. The kids were receptive. They listened and acknowledged his words. Afterwards, I talked with John and the other leaders, discussing the next step in this lesson. See, Sunday's message was an intro lesson of sorts- it opened the door for further lessons and discussions for the youth during the oncoming months. And that is exciting to me. As John told the congregation and the youth, these kids are surrounded by their culture, their society, that screams so many things that contradict what the Bible teaches so that, when the kids try to figure out what is right or wrong, the voice of truth is drowned out. We as humans are influenced by what we experience whether we know it or not, and teenagers are so much more susceptible to that influence. We all have questions; most teenagers question everything, as is their nature. So when they start feeling these emotions and urges, they try to process and figure out what is up. Some Christian teens, like I was, know what the Bible says and they know what their society says. They know right from wrong. They also know God gave them the free will to decide for themselves. What a horrifying thought: Teenagers possessing free will. However, there are some who choose to wait for sex. They decide to wait for whatever reason but they wait. And they are in the shrinking minority. They are giving way to a rising number of young people who are giving into society's norms, peer pressure, or their own personal hormones, sacrificing their own beliefs, for moments of physical satisfaction. I hate to admit it but I was one of those people. I held out until I was 20 and then gave myself to someone because I thought I was going to marry him. I thought he was the one. I thought wrong. I wish I could say that was it, that I learned my lesson and reformed myself within the wisdom that God has always made readily available to anyone who wants it. But I did not. I, instead, gave in to a few more relationships and situations. One of the worst parts about it was the fact that my mother, a person who will always have my back and love me, would question my purity and I lied to her. I would bold-face lie to my mother, affirming my "virginity." Why? Because I didn't want to admit that she had always been right when telling me of the shame that comes from throwing away your most precious gift, the part of you you're supposed to save for your spouse. I also didn't want to disappoint her. How stupid.
Since that time, I've made mistakes, I've asked for forgiveness (both from God and mom) and I've moved on. Does that make me perfect? No way. I still feel urges and desires, but that's okay. It's natural. Goodness, there are tons of animals who will puff themselves out and dance/fight/display themselves to the opposite sex in attempts to mate with that individual. The breaking point would be if I acted on those emotions and hormones outside of marriage. Therein lies the sin. So many churches anger me when they tell their youth "DON'T DO IT!DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT!" and condemn them for feeling aroused or attracted, and that's not right. No wonder we have so many confused kids. As I discussed with the other leaders Sunday, our youth need to know that they are normal and are allowed to feel and think but should not give in. Being tempted is not a sin; giving into the temptation that leads you from God's will is a sin. They also need to know that IF they give in, there is redemption and forgiveness for those who are truly repentant. What a concept, right? There are so many churches that condemn, damn, and judge their members into being afraid of their own bodies. It's not right.
Another idea I had for the youth was to separate the boys from the girls and talk with them in individual groups. I have found young people are willing to be more interactive and receptive when they aren't around their parents. Likewise, the girls and boys may feel less awkward if they are away from the opposite sex. I am excited to see where this conversation leads when we pick up where John left off. He asked me if I would be interested in talking with the kids one Sunday, offering my testimony or a message. For this, I'm going to pray and see what is presented. For now, I am thinking and keeping my relationship where it needs to be. I am so grateful God presented me with a man who is truly in touch with His word. I am so happy to be with someone who's goal is not getting into my pants. "Iron sharpens Iron" holds so true in our relationship as he challenges me to be a better person, a better Christian. And that is tough. But I pray and I know I can get through anything.