Stuff and stuff.... (Too tired to come up with a cathy title....)

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. I realized I haven't blogged since I got home from Georgia, two weeks ago. Coming back home was like hitting the ground running with no intentions of stopping. Life, just as I left it. I've since begun rehearsing with Columbus Civic Theatre, performing in No Exit. Wowzers. It's always fun to  work with a new theatre group. New people, new space, different perspectives. It's awesome. One of the great things is the degrees of separation in the theatre community. I am probably connected to everyone in the Central Ohio theatre community by... we'll say six degrees, just to be safe. Everyone knows everyone. :o)
 The great thing about this show is I'm learning more about myself and I'm exploring this amazing show everyone knew except me. It makes me wonder what other awesome shows are out there, lurking the dark and mysterious realms of all things theatrical, just waiting for me to come along.... hhhmmmmmmmmmmmm....

By now, everyone who reads this stuff I write probably knows about the cat incident. The cat Junia randomly brought home about a month, two months ago had a baby in the middle of my bed Saturday evening. When I should've been at RTP watching Junia's performance in the show, I was sitting in my bedroom, staring at my cat's.... girly parts, waiting to see if she'd pop out another one, and cleaning up what used to be a pretty decent fitted sheet. My bed, long story short, looked like a makeshift hospital on a battlefield. The kind where things are/were being amputated. Yeah. Even though it was just a cat and a kitten, I still say I should've recorded it and used the video in any conversation I may have with my kids about birth control and abstinence. I say "my kids" and I mean my theatre kids. All 1000 of them.

Georgia (and Florida), Part Eight

This is my last blog from Florida. In a few short hours I will be in the Sarasota Airport headed to Atlanta. My flight leaves at 6 AM, first class. Once I'm in Atlanta, I have a short layover and then I'm on my way to OHIO! My flight in Atlanta will land me in my grand home state around 10:30 am where I will be greeted by my loving Josh and his darling mother Rhonda.

Today's itinerary started us off with breakfast on the beach, a trip to Mixons, Red Barn, and then church service at their church, Bayside Community Church. AMAZING! After church, they took me to Siesta Beach to see and feel the powdery amazing-ness of the sand there. Powdery and amazing! Then We went to meet Scott and Gwenn Keefer, friends of Carol and Ray (Scott is also a '83 grad of TVHS), and we finished the evening with dinner at Mattison's. It is an awesome outside cafe finished off with a bar and live band. Tooooons of drunk old people dancing. I dragged Shawn over so we could partake of the drunkness, dancy awesomeness. As I was begrudgingly forced to leave by my cohorts, I kinda danced to the music around the fence that ran the perimeter of the patio and the lead singer, some older, Allman brother wannabe (it was a good band, don't get me wrong) hollered something at me in the mic, though I don't know what it was. I wasn't sure if I was the one he was attempting to communicate with during the song until he pointedly looked right at me. I laughed and told the others, "He just said something to me!" Then Ray noticed the guy continuing to watch me walk all the way around the fence. I turned around and saw that the guy's eyes were glued on me, lol, so I danced for a second and blew him a kiss. I was peeved I couldn't run back up there with the old folks and keep dancing like a fool, but it was time to go.

Now I must face the grueling task of finishing my packing, showering, and getting an hour's worth of sleeping. UGH. I also am not looking forward to leaving these wonderful people I've come to know. The folks I've met have asked me when/if I'm coming back. ARGH. I hate that I have to go, but I am glad to head home. I so wish Florida and Ohio were a bit closer. Distance is a terrible thing at times. Thank God for the internet.
I'm also kinda bummed I don't get to travel in one of those couch sized planes again. :o) That is an adventure I'd try again.

God, please keep me safe as I travel back home tomorrow. Keep my suitcase where it needs to be and get it home safely as well. Amen.

Georgia, Part Seven

We arrived safely in Bradenton, Florida yesterday afternoon. After stopping at their house, we went to meet Shawn for dinner. Then they drove me around to see the amazing view of the beach at night. It was amazing.
This morning Carol, Ray, and I went to the beach and lunch. I have a really nice sunburn now, but it's totally worth it. Now we're getting ready to go to dinner and see some Bradenton sites. I am so excited to get to know Shawn and Carol and too see different elements of their lives. Aaaand.... I'm in Florida. :o)

Georgia, Part Six

It has been an interesting couple of days. Yesterday we though Grandpa was gone. He was catatonic and breathing quite strangely in the afternoon and evening, after waking up and making phone calls early in the morning. Then, this morning he did the same thing. He woke up talking and eating only to sink in a deep sleep. However, he did wake up and was talking throughout the day. When Ray, Carol, and I arrived he was sleeping but did wake up after the nurse gave him a oxygen mask. He didn't say much until we started to leave. Then he asked Ray to talk without "all these witnesses around" (All two of us).  Outside of the room, Carol and I could clearly hear Grandpa and Ray began fighting over my presence in Grandpa's life. It was crazy. I was really peeved that it was still an issue after 15 years. I was also a little hurt. So when Ray left the room, I took the advice received from a cousin and went in the room by myself. I apologized and tried to explain my reasoning. I told him I loved him and Ethel very much and that's why I'm here. I also told him that I had been the one caring for Ethel for the past couple of days. He just sat and stared so I left. I felt more fulfilled than hurt or angry. I have waited so long to talk to that man and to explain myself and I've finally done. I have completely fulfilled my personal mission in coming down here. I met Grandpa and Ethel and even some family I've never met. I got to talk with Ethel and interact with her on a level I never saw coming. I was able to see Macon and different areas that have become major spots in Ray's life and my own. Just stepping foot in this house was amazing enough for me.
Now that Ethel has the care she needs and Grandpa is stable enough that he'll be coming home soon, Ray and Carol are taking me to Florida to see where they live. Bradenton is five hours away from here, so we'll leave in the morning and be there with enough time to spare for some awesome tomfoolery. I'm really excited to meet Shawn and to see a part of their lives together. Then, I'm flying out of Sarasota in the morning and will be in Ohio at 10:30 AM to be picked up by my darling Josh.
I hate the idea of Ethel but I don't want to be here anymore if it will bring some sort of distress to my grandfather. I am not looking forward to telling Ethel we're leaving. I love her so much and I hate to see her cry. I guess we'll just see what happens.

Georgia, Part Five

    Today  was.... ugh. Grandpa freaked out on Ray today when he and Carol went to the hospital. He was highly unpleasant and malevolent, spouting off things that were unnecessarily heated. Ray came back home crushed and very despondent. I didn't go because I knew waking up this morning I was to refrain from going to the hospital. I didn't know what, but I told Ray I did not want to go to the hospital. When they returned and Carol and Ray recounted the awful details, my answer was revealed. My relationship with my grandfather has been really rocky and bitter due to a very emotional letter I wrote to him when I was around eight. The details of the letter are hazy to me, but it was written during a time when I was not in contact with Ray and was very bitter towards him. Although my relationship with Ray has gotten exponentially better, grandpa's opinion of me has not. SO, it did not surprise me that my grandfather relayed to Ray his disdain for my being here.
 Meanwhile, I stayed home, caring for Ethel and got to know her a little bit better.
     My focus has morphed between Wednesday and today. At first, I wanted to come down and see my grandfather for the first time and let him know I loved him. I wanted to meet Ethel as well and say goodbye to both of the them. Over the past couple of days they have stabilized healthwise and give no indications of passing soon, like I was previous told. I'm glad that they are still here and I have a chance to get to know them, yet I'm sad that their suffering is prolonged. Since I sensed my grandfather's negative attitude towards my presence, I have focused my efforts towards caring for Ethel. This woman is sweet and loving, a sharp juxtaposition to grandpa's harsh disposition. She is grateful for my help and apologizes each time I have to take her to the bathroom. She also wishes grandpa would understand my mentality behind the aforementioned letter situation. I am not hurt by my grandfather's present actions and words as I know that he is a stubborn and bitter old man. As long as he is unwilling to open up, he is unreachable. I told him I love him and he knows I am down here. I have seen him and he has seen me. I have fulfilled a lifelong wish. Now my energy is focused on Ethel. I never thought I'd be able to care for an elderly person in the major degree that I have with her. I have bathed her, fed her, cleaned her after using the bathroom, and moved her from point to point. I'm physically exhausted but I feel so blessed for the experience and the ability to be a part of things, helping somehow.  I have completely fallen in love with her. It is going to be so hard to leave her when it comes time to do so.
    Tomorrow will bring new developments. Grandpa may be coming home. In order for that to happen, a lot of equipment and a hospital bed will have to be moved in before he is. If/when he comes home, I shall head back to Ohio. I hate the idea of leaving, but I do not wish to cause a fuss in this house and risk upsetting Ethel, although I know my leaving will make her quite sad. She is so wonderful.

God, please be with us. Keep our tempers down and our tolerance high. Help us make the right choices and keep us safe.
Amen

Georgia, Part Four

Yesterday's meeting between Grandpa and Ethel went over like a lead balloon. He seemed happy to see her at first and then flipped out. He yelled at Ray, asking him why he brought Ethel up there and that he said to never bring her to see him. She kept bringing it up all day after that. I felt so bad for her as it really hurt her. Each day I just love her more. She is a sweet woman who is just frail, quiet, and somewhat confused at times. I hate to see such a nice person like her so distraught and in pain. She has caused me to cry several times over the past couple of days just because she is so precious. I hate that I have to leave her in a week, and I just want relief and peace for her. Needless to say, nothing was decided between the two.
The hospital actually called Ray and told us that they thought our coming to see his father might be adding to his stress and ailments. They suggested that we stay away for the rest of the weekend. Now Ray is torn. Tomorrow is Monday, the beginning of a new week, but we don't know the status of grandpa's mental and physical health. AND, it's grandpa's 79th birthday tomorrow. It is sort of a bittersweet situation. More bone crushingly bitter than sweet.
To add to the aggravation, we believe Ethel's weekend aide quit on us. When we took her to the hospital, we had her aide go home since we didn't need her. She told us to call her when we got home. Ray did, but she didn't answer. Nor did she call back. Then, this morning, she didn't show up. I know it was Easter, but I think a phone call of some sort was in order. I'm kinda glad at the prospect of her being gone. Ethel didn't like her because she was rough and kinda lazy, and I didn't feel that she had a good spirit about her. I did witness firsthand her interactions with Ethel, and she was not a paced and gentle as she should have been with a woman in Ethel's condition. It angered me to see that go on, and, when she said Ethel wanted me to do her make-up, I jumped in to do the rest. I know this news, on top of everything else, will only anger grandpa more, so I doubt Ray will share it unless absolutely neccessary.
My prayers have gotten a bit complicated. On the one hand I am praying for peace and relief. On the other I pray for God's will to be done. I just want what's best for the couple. I wouldn't wish this sort of suffering on my worst enemy. I have heard Ethel across the hall, praying for God to help her. In her sleep, she has cried for "mommy" and "daddy" several times. Tonight is the most quiet she has been. I just feel for her so much and wish there was something beyond prayer that I could do. I just hate that the end is so hard for such wonderful people.
I wouldn't trade these days for anything though. I have never changed or bathed an adult. I've never cleaned them after they used the commode. I've never had to care for an elderly person before. It is a strange concept to me even though I have done the same with so many children. However, I've done it with Ethel because I care for her so much. It doesn't bother me like I thought it would. I haven't exactly enjoyed it, but I feel I have gained much from it. Each day I am more and more grateful for being here.

God, please have your hand upon this house and household, and upon that hospital room. Guide minds and hearts to you will. Help us each to gain patience and understanding as you know we sorely need both. I ask that you grant peace to Ethel and Grandpa.
Amen

Georgia, Part Three

Yesterday and today both found grandpa stressed out, again.
I'm glad I'm down here. I'm glad I've had the chance to be with everyone and help out with Ethel. It's frustrating at times but I am glad that I've been able to come down.
Tomorrow, we are taking Ethel to the hospital to talk privately with grandpa, as he wishes. I'm praying they are able to come to good conclusion that works for them and suits everyone, including the doctors. It really sucks that he and Ethel both are suffering and under stress. I've been praying and praying, but I guess I should focus on God's will happening rather than what I think should happen.
I just hope all goes well...