It was payneful...

Mom and I recently went to see a movie together.
Being the ever typical women we are, we were split between "Max Payne" and " the Haunting of Molly Bartley."
Max Payne won.
In a manner of speaking.
First of all, mom and I, for some reason or another, were under the impression that this Max Payne was a comic book character.
Secondly, knowing nothing about the story and having to rely only on the previews on the TV, we were under the impression the story had to do with spiritual warfare, i.e. angels, demons, heaven, hell.
Kind of a spin off on Constantine.
That is clearly the vibe you get from the previews, where you see huge black, winged creatures flying around, and you hear a man's voice saying, "The Devil is building his army.... Max Payne is looking for something Heaven doesn't want to be found..."
Then the movie opens up with Mark Walberg's voice saying, "I don't believe in heaven...."
SO.
Imagine our surprise when we find out the movie is about drugs and government cover ups.
Oh, keep in mind how much we dislike Mark Walberg because of his inability to act.
Or entertain.
I was actually writing this blog in my head as I was watching the movie, if that tells you anything....
Ooh, Max Payne is all hard and wears a black leather coat.
OOh, he's a vigilante of sorts.
OOh, he takes the law in his own hands.
Ooh, his wife and child were killed and the bad guy got away? No way!
OOh, his ex-partner was played by a funny man from a sitcom.
Ooh, he has personal conflict with his old partner and that's why they are together anymore.
Ooh, he buries himself in his work....
Ooh, He never smiles the entire movie, except to a flashback where he smiles like he's mentally disabled.... That is until he realizes some broke in and killed his wife and child... Then he's hard like the streets.
Ooh, his wife was killed because of a government cover up.
Ooh, the person he trusted the most was the one who killed his wife and child...
Oh, and Beau Bridges.
LOL.
Beau Bridges' lines were hilarious.
When he wasn't asking Max "Where are you going?" he was saying cheesy lines like "He's my old partner's kid. He's family. Take care of him..."
BLEH.
The only thing about this movie that surprised me was the fact that Max Payne was trying to drown himself in either alcohol or sex.
Good Freaking Grief.
When the movie finally ended (Let me just say the last scene just epitomized the entire movie in its hilarity) I laughed.
I annoyed the tar out of mom because I laughed out of the theatre, into the restroom and out into the car.
I laughed.
It was ridiculous.
I will say that I was surprised to see Mila Kuniz doing a serious role.
Not bad, Mila.
Not bad at all.
Oh, and some rapper.... Ludacriz or something like that played this detective.
When I read that, I turned to mom and said, "Oh, that explains it."
Bad acting....
Ugh.
Bad Hollywood.
Deceiving us like that.
Bad.
Bad.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Now go stand in the corner, you naughty, naughty form of entertainment...